I'll Show You The Law Of Diminishing Returns! Results!

FLEX: I’ll Show You The Law Of Diminishing Returns!
Live at section D of the parking lot of the BankAntlantic Center

Commissioner Eric T. Figurehead would start the show as usual

ETF: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to another exciting FLEX event. We couldn’t afford the actual BankAntlantic Center, BUT we were able to rent out the parking lot... well, only section D.

Crowd: SEC-TION D RULES! *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*

ETF: Now, as you all know, I am Eric T. Figurehead, and at ringside is the best commentator who works for free, Quentin Q. Quentinstein. Now, I have two announcements to make. First of all, this is to Mekhet and his Lost. As I mentioned before, ESPN is not supposed to be here tonight, and it’s ONLY because Mekhet is public enemy number 1 in FLEX, as well as the man in the main event, that I am allowing his minions to be here as well. I do not want what could well be the best match in FLEX’ history to be ruined. Therefore... not only am I not allowing The Lost to commit unprovoked attacks against anyone in the FLEX roster... but! I am not allowing anyone at ringside. If you interfere with this match in any way, wether you are with ESPN, The Lost, IHOP, or by yourself, you will be fired on the spot! Now, for the second announcement... the winner of the FLEX Grand Champion of Intense Combat title match tonight will be the FLEX representative for the battle royal at The World Warriors as well, pending that Team FLEX wins their match... and while we’re on that subject... as an extra incentive to Team FLEX, if they do indeed win at The World Warriors, they will take part in a one-night tournament to determine which of them will get a shot at the Grand Champion of Intense Combat title.

ETF: And now without further Apu, our first match! Introducing first, she is from the Army Base, this is ARMY WOMAN!

“War (What is it Good For)” hits as Army Woman comes down to the ring, SALUTING as she does so

ETF: And her opponent... the high flying tomboy of DPW-J... from Newark, New Jersey, this is Crazy Red!

“Bad Reputation” by Joan Jett hits as Crazy Red enters the ring to a HUGE reaction.

MATCH NEGATIVE ONE: ARMY WOMAN VS CRAZY RED

Red comes out right at the gate with a crossbody for a one count followed by a flying shoulderblock and a leg drop. Army Woman would recover with an armdrag and elbow drop, throwing Red into the ropes and hitting a forearm smash. Army Woman would try another whip but Red would reverse... RED ALERT (Mountain Bomb)! Red would follow up with a superkick and a figure four, Army Woman escaping to the ropes. Army Woman would go for a snapmare and armlock, Red bridging out and getting a hiptoss... then hitting the Redline (Striking Lariat)! One, two, three!

3Q: WOW! Red winning this match in record time! Crazy Red is one of the top stars of DPW-J and I’m sure she might be looking at facing their champion Bloody Mary soon!

“And The Wind Cries Mary” by Jimi Hendrix hits as a man in tie-dye pants and long hair with bare feet comes down to the ring.

?: Duuuuuude... My name is Munchie... and I totally want to make someone totally bleed all over man.... So I’m calling an open challenge for a far-out deathmatch right now, man... you cool with that, man?

ETF: Uh... sure. Ahem... the next contest is a deathmatch with no disqualifications. Introducing first, from Woodstock, 1999, he is the Deathmatch Hippie, Munchie! And his opponent...

“Sympathy for the Devil/Skeleton Christ” hits as Andy Cryst appears!

ETF: From Hell, Michigan, The Satanic Hero Andy Cryst!

Match Zero: Munchie vs Andy Cryst

Andy and Munchie squared off, Andy getting a fireman’s carry and a quick one count. Munchie would get to his feet and deliver a series of elbow smashes then a scoop slam, getting a chair but Andy would duck the swing and hit him with a shoulder tackle. Andy would hit a knee drop and get the chair, yelling “Eat this chair in the name of SATAN!” as he decked the hippie with it.

3Q: Only in FLEX will you see people cheering on a devil worshipper as he beats up a hippie.

Andy would bounce off the ropes but Munchie would recover and get a big hiptoss and a splash for a quick two count. Munchie would then get the chair and go for a “Psychadelic Driver” (Schwein) on the chair but Andy slipped out... locked his hands for a German but Munchie elbowed out... Munchie whiffs a lariat... kick.. SIX SIX STUNNER! One, two, kickout at two. Andy would go to the floor and go under the ring to get a table, setting it up before putting Munchie on it, then went up for a Six Six Splash (450 Splash).... BUT MUNCHIE ROLLS OFF THE TABLE! Munchie would hit a Psychadelic Driver and go for the pin... one... two... KICKOUT! Andy would DDT Munchie onto the chair then set him up... The Human Slinky (Delphin style rolling Germans)! One, two... THREE!

3Q: What a big win by Andy Cryst! Coming up next is a FLEX first... a match where no humans are involved! Can a bear beat a monkey? Let’s hope we find out before PETA finds out about this match!

ETF: The following contest is scheduled for one fall... introducing first... from someone’s insane imagination... the organ-grinding strong style legend... MONKEYSAWA!

“Pop Goes The Weasel” hits as Monkeysawa comes out with his organ grinder.

ETF: And it’s opponent... representing the Three Bears... the mist-spewing demon bear... he is THE GREAT BEARTA!

“Teddy Bear Picnic” hits as a bear with a Muta mask enters the ring... and spits mist into the air!

Match One: Monkeysawa vs Great Bearta

Monkeysawa would deliver a series of elbows until Bearta raked the eye and hit a dragon screw, following up with a leglock. Monkeysawa would roll through and get a half crab but Bearta gets the ropes. Bearta gets to his feet and gets a headlock, spitting out mist and gouging the eyes of Monkeysawa and set up for a ribbreaker then a Bearsault... but Monkeysawa rolls away! He lifts Monkeysawa up and goes for the “Banana Flowsion” but Bearta floats over...

GLASS SHATTERED!

3Q: Uh-oh....

And then “Attitude” by Metallica hits, the theme music for Panda Team! “Dollywood” Bulk Rogan and “Stone Bald” Steve Houston would enter the ring and attack the animal combatants causing an immediate no contest. Rogan would throw Monkeysawa over the ropes to the floor... Houston hits a Stone Bald Stunner! Rogan follows up with a leg drop...

And then “Carmen Overture” hits and THE XANDIMATE WARRIOR enters the ring! Lariat to Rogan! Lariat to Houston! Lariat to Bearta! Monkeysawa enters the ring... ROARING ELBOW! But the Xandimate Warrior gets to his feet... LARIAT! SPLASH!

“Teddy Bear Picnic” plays again, and Curry Bear and Big Bear come out, and an all-out melee between Three Bears, Panda Team, Xandimate Warrior and Monkeysawa breaks out....

THEN! “Orange Juice” by Sex Machineguns hit... and out of nowhere comes A MASSIVE MUSCLEBOUND HUNK OF FRUIT!

3Q: I heard about this guy... he’s the infamous Fruitista!

Fruitista CABBAGE PATCHED and rushed the ring, cleaning house and taking people out one by one... up until the Xandimate Warrior... then delivered the “Cherry Bomb”! He would then cabbage patch in the ring until the Commissioner would enter the ring.

ETF: I have no idea what just happened there...

3Q: That makes two of us.

ETF: HEY! No talking while I’m talking, or you lose your slice of the pizza. ANYWAY! The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is a tag team match. Introducing first... From a Cold Day In Hell, the only wrestler named after a metric temperature... –10*C! And his opponent, from Orlando, Florida, the disgruntled theme park mascot Zeke The Luchacat! They are the COOL CATS!

“Cat Scratch Fever/Cold As Ice” mixed by FishHook Productions hits as the rudo team enters

ETF: And their opponents.... they are part of the team that will represent us at The World Warriors... from Soda Springs, Idaho and weighing in at 33 grams of sugar, GRAPE JUICE JONES! And his partner, from the year 2084, Saiba Punk!

“Inch’Allah” by Samael hits as the babyfaces come out, lights dimmed to show Saiba Punk’s glow-in-the-dark costume. Because apparently glow-in-the-dark is all the rage in the future.

Match Two: Cool Cats vs Grape Juice Jones & Saiba Punk

Zeke and Jones started off, locking up until Zeke stomped on Jones’ foot and delivered a series of overhand chops. He would deliver a snapmare and then crossfaced Jones until Punk broke it up.

3Q: Saiba Punk has the weirdest hair ever... it’s all blue, he’s got stubble AND a Mohawk AND a ponytail. Future barbers are nucking futs.

Jones got the tag and Saiba delivered a spingboard forearm smash, following up with a flashing elbow. Cover, two, kickout. Zeke would poke the eye and get a scoop slam before tagging out to –10*C. –10*C would hit a legdrop and work the leg of Saiba Punk until he kicked –10*C free. He would hit a DDT and go for a leglock of his own but Zeke broke it up. Saiba got a fireman’s carry and a headlock, but –10*C got to a vertical base and elbowed Saiba to break it, giving him a powerbomb before setting up for the Wizard of Winter (Shining Wizard) but Saiba managed to roll away and tag out. Jones entered the ring and –10*C would try to powerbomb him too but he tossed –10*C up... GRAPE JUICE OF WRATH (Flapjack Cutter)! Zeke would break the pin and hit “Cat Scratch Fever” (Garvin Stomp) and –10*C would head up to the top for the “Ice Bird Press” (Fire Star Splash), but Grape Juice would kick out. –10*C would follow up with the Drop Toe Hold of DOOM but Saiba reached in for the tag! –10*C would walk right into a “Blue Screen of Death” (Complete Shot) but Zeke would interfere again... SHINING HAIRBALL (Shining Enzuigiri)! Zeke would get ready to put –10*C’s arm over Saiba but Grape Juice stopped him... Grape Crusher ’99! (Ki Krusher). He then put Saiba’s arm over –10*C... one... two.. three!

3Q: That was a great battle and next up is the Trip... HOW THE...

OMG SPECIAL VIDEO SEGMENT!!!

3Q: ...Oh man... that was probably the most SHOCKING moment in FLEX history folks...

ETF: And our next contest... for the FLEX Triple Play Championship! Introducing first... they are from Hollywood, Florida... Brian, Jimmy, and Zach, the BALDWIN BROTHERS!

“Buried in the Box” by Cage hit as the trio who managed to cheat their way to a win over OTAKU and McCloud hit the ring

ETF: And their opponents, the FLEX Triple Play Champions... from Neo Tokyo, The Ultimate Anime Fanboy, And The Only FLEX Wrestler Who Is Over Nine Thousand, OTAKU! From All Capcom Staff, He is also one-half of the DPW Tag Team Champions, The Original Gamer Sam S McCloud, and finally from the Sonny Chiba Prefecture of Japan, A Member of Team FLEX, “Mr. Sushi and Rice” Ozzy DaBoe! They are TEAM MOON GAS 200Y!

“Chuu Chuu Lovely Muni Muni Mura Mura Purin Purin Boron Nurururerorero” by Maximum The Hormone hits as the most popular group in FLEX hit the ring to a HUGE reaction!

Match Three, FLEX Triple Play Championship: Baldwin Bros vs TMG200Y(c)

3Q: Remember folks, the Triple Play Championship is defended under elimination rules.

Jimmy and Ozzy started out, locking up and Jimmy would get the advantage, kicking Ozzy in the sternum and hitting a fireman’s carry then started pulling the purple locks of Ozzy. Ozzy would point to the sky and yell “LOOK OVER THERE!” Jimmy looked up and Ozzy would escape hitting a basement dropkick to Jimmy’s face. Tag to OTAKU who jumped the ropes and delivered a series of martial arts kicks before getting an arm wrench hook kick! OTAKU would POSE and go for the “Shonen Jump” (Standing Moonsault but Jimmy rolled away and tagged Brian. Brian got a keylock which OTAKU would bridge out of, slipping out and hitting a flip senton. Jimmy would argue with the ref that that was, somehow, illegal, and OTAKU would tag to Sam... but the ref didn’t see it! Brian would signal to his youngest brother and Jimmy jumped into the ring as they double teamed OTAKU.

3Q: This is what they do, folks... cheat over and over to make it almost impossible for their opponents to win!

Brian would hoist Jimmy up and Jimmy leaped into the air and hit an Ace Crusher! B3! Jimmy rolled out of the ring and Brian covered... one... two... THREE! Sam S McCloud would enter next... TIGER KNEE! He followed up with a “Triforce Lock” and Brian tapped out!

Jimmy rolled into the ring and hit a jumping knee on Sam S McCloud, throwing him to the ropes and hitting him with a big lariat. He would hold Sam’s hand close to DaBoe who would try to enter the ring... but the referee stopped him! Brian would toss Jimmy a chair, and DaBoe would point to the ref... but Jimmy tossed the chair into Sam’s hands and fell over! Sam was DQed!

Ozzy DaBoe was next in the ring, and Sam would argue with the ref, and Jimmy picked up the chair and tried the same trick... but DaBoe would smack HIMSELF with the chair and go over! Jimmy was confused and go for “Jimmy Crack Skull” (Coconut Crush) but DaBoe would block it and hit a backslide! One, two, three!

3Q: And now we’re down to one on one.... Zach Baldwin is usually just a manager...

Zach would climb to the top rope and go for a crossbody, getting a two count. Zach would jump around and pose, and DaBoe would get up and put his palm up. “STOP... Ozzy Time!” Ozzy would start dancing, and Team Chuu Chuu would enter the ring too... Jimmy and Brian tried to warn Zach but his confusion would lead to a Para Para Plex! One, two, three!

3Q: And everyone’s favorite trio pull it off again! Coming up next is the return of one of our stars that everyone has been waiting to see again. The one and only Spud will face off against Geisha Man of the International House of Pain. Speaking of IHOP, El Toothpick hasn’t been seen as of late since he was beaten down by the Takeda Corp. Apparently he feels that IHOP abandoned him.

ETF: The following contest is scheduled for one fall... introducing first, representing the International House of Pain... from Kyoto, Japan, “The Lovely Flower of Japan”... GEISHA MAN!

“Soko ni Anataga” by Sex Machineguns hit as Geisha Man entered the ring, carrying a parasol and throwing cherry blossom leaves into the crowd.

ETF: And his opponent... from Mullet City, Montana, the man with a stick, SPUD!

“Freebird” by Lynard Skynard hits as Spud would make his way down the ring, carrying his signature twig.

Match Four: Geisha Man vs Spud

Geisha Man would blow a kiss at Spud, who would be confused by the flirting Geisha Man, allowing him to gain the upper hand with an eye rake and snapmare to a headscissors. Spud did a handstand to escape, floating over to a headlock. Geisha Man got to a vertical base but Spud was able to hit him with a bulldog. Spud went for a kneedrop but Geisha Man got away and pulled him to his feet, and getting a testicular claw... the referee would admonish Geisha Man who would turn it to a modified dragon screw!

3Q: Ouch. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Well, maybe my father-in-law.

Geisha Man now roll to the apron and hit a hilo getting a two count. Geisha would then get a cobra twist and take Spud to the canvas for a distrurbing looking submission, but Spud would break the grip and get an armbar. Geisha Man would get to the ropes but Spud would give him a hiptoss and another armbar. Geisha Man would then grope Spud’s leg making the mullet warrior let go of the hold, and Geisha Man would hit the “Obi Smash” (Running Hip attack) and head to the top rope for “Memoirs of a Geisha” (Corkscrew Moonsault) but Spud rolled out of the way! Spud would then pick Geisha Man up and hit the Eye of the Potato (Lifting Final Cut)! One, two, three!

3Q: GREAT bout. And now it can be the end of an era and the beginning of a dark, twisted reign. Jin Yagami Jr will do battle with the insidious leader of the Lost, Mekhet. We have seen what evil depths Mekhet can sink too.

ETF: And now, the MAIN EVENT! This is for the Fighting League Extreme Grand Champion of Intense Combat title... introducing the challenger... he is the leader of the Lost... Mekhet!

“From the Cradle to Enslave (Demon Mix)” by Cradle of Filth hits as the leader of the Lost walks down the ring by himself.

3Q: The other Lost members are banned from ringside so they cannot taint this match.

ETF: And his opponent, the Grand Champion of Intense Combat... from Tokyo, Japan... the GREATEST HERO! JIN YAGAMI JR!

“SID Icarus” by Machinae Supremacy hits as the icon of FLEX heads to the ring with his plastic championship belt.

MAIN EVENT, GRAND CHAMPION OF INTENSE COMBAT TITLE: Mekhet vs Jin Yagami Jr (c)

Mekhet and Jin lock up, and Mekhet managed to push Jin into the ropes... clean break... elbow to the face of Jin followed up by a snapmare takeover and a chinlock! Yagami managed to fight to a vertical base, managed to slip down and get into a drop toehold into a sitting armlock. Mekhet managed to free himself and get a modified crucifix pin for a one count. Back to a vertical base and Mekhet would try to get a suplex but Yagami blocked it and delivered one of his own, going to the ropes but MISSING the elbow, Mekhet getting a grapevine leg lock. Yagami would get to the ropes but Mekhet would drag him back for a leglock, Yagami this time rolled out of it to escape.

3Q: Neither man getting a clear advantage here, Mekhet may indeed be capable of beating Yagami...

Mekhet got and armdrag and a keylock, but Yagami would kick with his feet and flip over to reverse the hold into a floatover for a one count. Mekhet would get a headlock, Yagami shooting him off but getting hit with a lariat. Mekhet would pick Yagami up and throw him to the ropes but is reversed... arm drag by Yagami followed up by a big knee drop! Yagami would lift Mekhet up onto his shoulders... HEROISM BOMB! One, two, no!

3Q: That Heroism Bomb was right on the money! How did Mekhet kick out?

Mekhet would be reeling, and Yagami would hit a pair of body slams before heading to the ropes... BIG lariat! Yagami would signal for it... and he would hit the Legendary Technique of Destiny! ONE, TWO... KICKOUT?!

3Q: No way... NO WAY... nobody EVER kicks out of the Legendary Technique of Destiny!

Yagami would lift Mekhet up for a German Suplex, but Mekhet would elbow out of it and throw Mekhet into the corner, running to the Hero and hitting an avalanche! Hiptoss by Mekhet and measured Jin up.... ENZUIGIRI! One, two, kickout!

3Q: Mekhet’s Enzuigiri kick is deadly, but Jin won’t go down that easily.

Mekhet would head to the top rope for a moonsault to the back of Mekhet, and would HAMMERFIST Yagami over and over until the ref finally forced him to let up... then he picked Jin up for a Schweingatame! Jin started fading.... but the FIGHTING SPIRIT THAT SHINES LIKE A BEACON kicked in! Jin managed to free his legs and escape the hold, to Mekhet’s dismay... Mekhet would go to the ropes for the spinning leg lariat... but Yagami dropped prone! The stunned Mekhet would be easily set up.... Legendary Technique of Destiny! One, two, three!

3Q: HE DID IT! THE GREATEST HERO MANAGED TO OVERCOME THE DEMONIC MEKHET!

Jin would be standing tall now, taking the GCoIC title and holding it in the air, and Mekhet would roll out of the ring and The Lost would arrive to pick up their leader... but Mekhet... was smiling.

3Q: ...That is effin CREEPY. I mean, why is he smiling after losing his chance at the title? Well, that’s our show folks, until next time this is Quentin Q. Quentinstein signing off!