FLEX PRESENTS: 1-1-1 UP 1-1-1 UP
Live at Milander Auditorium in Hialeah Florida.
ETF: Welcome everyone to another exciting edition of Fighting League EXtreme. Tonight we’re at Milander Auditorium in Hialeah, Florida, minuites away from Hialeah High School, which would have been a better venue allowing more people, but we’re here instead because of the soda machines!
Crowd: SO-DA MA-CHINES! *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*
ETF: I’m Eric T. Figurehead, commissioner and ring announcer... and I only get one paycheck... if you could call it a paycheck... it’s actually a coupon for stuffed crust pizza... ANYWAY! But doing commentary tonight, you know him, you mildly tolerate him, Quentin Q. Quentinstein! Tonight features a single elimination tournament, the winner will get a shot at the new Grand Champion of Intense Combat, Mekhet....
“From the Cradle to Enslave (Demon Mix)” by Cradle of Filth hits, and Mekhet and the Lost make their entrance, Mekhet with a mic.
Mekhet: This is a travesty, Figurehead. You have eight men to go after my title... and one of them is not even NAMED? And you also have this... stipulation to the match.... a stipulation you claim to know about? Explain yourself at once!
ETF: Well, it’s quite simple. I had fans at our last event put submit match ideas. And then, without looking at the submissions, I put them in envelopes, put the envelopes in a fishtank, and had all eight competitors pick them at random. Whoever wins, opens his envelope, and that’s the match we’ll use.
Mekhet: I see. Well it does not matter, for I will destroy whoever dares challenge the might of The Lost.
Mekhet heads to the back, with the Lost behind him... and from the bathroom comes Slugger, BASHING Mekhet over the head with his bat! WENDIGO and Nachtzehrer chase Slugger out of the arena (literally!), while Thorn and Gridiron pick the stunned Mekhet up and help him to the back.
ETF: ...You know, I’d just like to have ONE SHOW where nobody sneak attacks someone. ANYWAYS! Our first match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing fist, he is from Soda Springs, Idaho and weighing in at 33 grams of sugar... he is 100% fresh squeezed lucha libre... GRAPE! JUICE! JONES!
“Junk Food” by Sex Machineguns hits as Grape Juice comes out to a huge pop!
ETF: And his opponent... from Orlando Florida... he is the disgruntled theme park mascot... ZEKE! THE LUCHACAT!
“Cat Scratch Fever” by Ted Nugent hits as Zeke comes out, grabbing a kid’s soda can and pouring it on his head.
3Q: Zeke is on a mission tonight, he was robbed by Mekhet and is looking for revenge.
Carmen SanDiego Block: Grape Juice Jones vs Zeke The Luchacat
Grape Juice locks up with Zeke who stomps on GJJ’s foot, making him lose his grip to fall prey to a Dragon Screw. Zeke used that to follow up with an elbow drop, pulling him back up for a scoop slam but Grape Juice freed himself by taking the back door.... SCHOOOOOOOOOL BOY! for a two count. Zeke went for an early “Shining Hairball” (shining enzuigiri) attempt, but Grape Juice ducked it, setting up for “Grape Crusher 99” (Ki Krusher) but Zeke poked Jones in the eyes and rolled him up into a pin. One, two, kickout. Zeke and Jones delivered elbows to each other, Jones getting the upper hand, throwing him to the ropes and hitting a big lariat! One, two, kickout at two. Jones went to the top for the “Juice Mixer” (450 splash) but Zeke got the knees up! Zeke would get up and Jones would go for a knee... but Zeke shoved the referee in the way! Jones grabbed Zeke and tossed him over the top rope, while trying to revive the ref! Zeke meanwhile got a chair! Zeke rolled in and tried to get Jones with the chair, but he ducked! Zeke saw the ref coming to... and tossed the chair to Jones, then flopped onto his back! Senor Zebra looked at Grape Juice... looked at Zeke... and called for the bell!
3Q: Grape Juice didn’t hit him! He got cheated out by Zeke, who his rubbing his foam rubber head as if he was decked by Jones! A clever ploy no doubt, but I think Figurehead will warn Senor Zebra about it soon.
ETF: Our next match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first.... from Beelzulbub, Florida, he is the Satanic Hero, Andy Cryst!
“Sympathy for the Devil/Skeleton Christ” hits as the Satanic Role Model hits the ring.
ETF: And his opponent, from the Supermarket, this is Baghead McCoy!
“The Original” by Daisuke Ishiwatari hits as the evil Baghead McCoy hits the ring.
Where’s Waldo Block: Andy Cryst vs Baghead McCoy
Andy went to lock up with Baghead who immediately thumbed the eye, then hit a pair of elbows and a snapmare to a chinlock. Andy fought back, getting to a vertical base and going to a fireman’s carry into a chinlock. Baghead would get vertical now, shooing Andy off then hitting a back body drop before following THAT with a chinlock. Andy’s recovery would have him elbow Baghead, give him a body slam, then yet another chinlock!
Then “Happy Happy Joy Joy” by Ren and Stimpy Hit!
3Q: Wait a minuite... this can only mean...
XANDY SNORTON! Xandy hit the ring, knocking the referee over... XKO TO BAGHEAD! And an XKO to Andy Cryst! And now he starts stalking Baghead... LIGHT TAP WITH HIS FOOT OF DEATH!!!
3Q: THAT WAS SICK!!!
Xandy left the ring, and Andy went to the top rope to try a “Six Six Splash” (450) but Baghead managed to get the knees up!
3Q: HOW IS HE NOT COMATOSE!
Baghead would slowly get up... Bag Lunch! (Danshoku Driver) Cover, two, kickout. Baghead would CHOKE Andy now, but Senor Zebra broke it up. Baghead hit a suplex and tried for a body slam but Andy floated over, setting up for “The Human Slinky” (Delphin Rolling Germans) but Baghead elbowed free, try to pull him down for the “Smiley Face” (Crossface) but Andy kicked him in the gut... Six Six Stunner! One, two, three!
3Q: Well there you have it, Andy Cryst and Zeke The Luchacat both advance. And now to find out who they will face next. The winner of this next bout will face off against the Luchacat.
ETF: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Tokyo, Japan, he is the Greatest Hero, Jin Yagami Jr!
“SID Icarus” by Machinae Supremacy hits as the Greatest Hero enters the ring to a HUGE reaction!
ETF: And his opponent... now residing in Wascilla, Alaska, he can see Russia from the ring and is the coolest man in FLEX, and the Dragon Pro Dragonheart Champion, -10*C!
“Cold As Ice” by Foreigner hits as the rudo comes out.
Carmen Sandiego Block: Jin Yagami Jr. vs –10*C
Jin and –10*C lock up, with –10 getting the upper hand at first until Jin got a fireman’s carry, picking up –10 and setting up for a slam but –10 floated over and applied a Snowboard! Jin managed to get to the ropes hooking them with his leg, making the rudo break it up... but grabbing Jin by the mask and hitting a lungblower! Jin got pulled to the center of the ring, getting hit with a kneedrop. –10 went to the top rope for a flying headbutt but Jin rolled out of the way! Jin would lift –10 up and then hit a body slam successfully, hitting an elbow drop for a one count then going to the ropes... Flashing Elbow! Picking up –10, he sets up for a suplex but –10 counters and hits one of his own, following up with a fallaway slam! He picks Yagami up and throws him to the ropes, running to him for a big “World’s Laziest Kick” (Running Toe Kick to the corner) but Yagami moves away... “HEROISM BOMB” (Death Valley Bomb)! One, two, three!
3Q: And Yagami picks up with the win and gets closer to regaining the championship! –10 did well but couldn’t stop the Greatest Hero. And it’s time to see who the mystery eigth man is!
ETF: The following contest is the final match in round one of the contendership tournament. Introducing first, from his car dealership, he is the EVIL Used Car Salesman, CRAZY HARRY!
“Breifcase Full Of Guts” by Dethklok hit as Crazy Harry came in, passing out brochures with fantastic deals.
ETF: And his opponent... from Sunrise, Florida, one half of the DPW Tag Team Champions.... XANDER STARR!
“Through the Fire and Flames” by Dragonforce hit, but nobody came out, until a random cameraman handed Eric a card.
ETF: I have been informed that Xander Starr could not make it tonight, due to an injury. Therefore, taking his place... from a Left Turn At Alberquerque.... this is.... THE XANDIMATE WARRIOR!
“I Ran (So Far Away)” by Flock of Seagulls hit as the Xandimate Warrior rushed to the ring!
Where’s Waldo Block: Crazy Harry vs Xandimate Warrior
Crazy Harry tried to show the Warrior some of those fantastic deals, but Warrior tore the brochure up.
XW: I NEED NOT YOUR CARBON BASED MOBILITY OBJECTS! I FLY ON THE WINGS OF ARES, CARRYING A TORCH OF PROPANE GAS AND THE HAIR OF ANTELOPES! I WILL DISCOMBOBULATE YOU WITH SYNTAX AND MY HIGH LEVELS IN THE BARBARIAN CLASS!
3Q: Apparently Crazy Harry forgot that Xandimate Warrior runs everywhere he goes...
Xandimate Warrior hit Crazy Harry with a lariat, ran the ropes 50 times, then hit a big splash! One, two, three!
Crowd: FIVE STAR MATCH! FIVE STAR MATCH! FIVE STAR MATCH!
Xandimate Warrior then ran out of the ring, and right out of Milander Auditorium!
3Q: Uh... I don’t think he realizes he’s got two more matches... well, there’s no time to go to the lobby and get yourself a treat, because we got the semifinal matches!
ETF: The following contest is a semifinal match in the contender tournament. Introducing first... from Orlando, Florida, ZEKE THE LUCHACAT!
“Cat Scratch Fever” hits again as Zeke enters the ring.
ETF: Aaand his opponent.... The Greatest Hero... JIN! YAGAMI! JR!
“SID Icarus” gets a huge pop!
3Q: And here we go, the match we should have gotten at our last event!
Carmen Sandiego block: Zeke the Luchacat vs Jin Yagami Jr
Zeke poked Jin in the eyes to start the match, then stomped Jin’s foot!
3Q: Yep, that’s the real Zeke.
Zeke headbutted Jin and gave him a snapmare, giving him a choke, Senor Zebra breaking the hold. Jin would recover and take Zeke down and attempt an STF but Zeke would get to the ropes. Getting Zeke back in the middle of the ring, Jin would hit a scoop slam and a flashing elbow for a two count, then Zeke would recover, getting up and hitting Jin with a Jigoku-zuki chop, followed by a brain chop and BIT HIM! Jin would free himself, hitting an elbow smash, throwing Zeke into the ropes for a lariat! Cover, two, kickout. Jin would set up for a backdrop but Zeke elbowed himself free and hit a spinning backfist, then a big kick to the face! Zeke would go to the top rope for a flying elbow but Jin rolled out of the way! Jin would have problems getting up, and both of them would get up at the same time... SHINING HAIRBALL! But thanks to THE FIGHTING SPIRIT THAT SHINES LIKE A BEACON Jin was able to stay on his feet! Another lariat, then a Legendary Technique of Destiny for a three count!
3Q: That Shining Hairball is usually the end of the match, but Yagami’s Fighting Spirit is very tough to overcome.
ETF: The following match is the other semifinal match of the contendership tournament! Introducing first, from Beelzulbub, Florida, he is the Satanic Hero, Andy Cryst!
“Sympathy For The Devil/Skeleton Christ” hits as Andy makes his way to the ring.
ETF: Aaaand his opponent...
A ring crew guy hands ETF a card.
ETF: Well, Xandimate Warrior apparently didn’t come back to Milander Auditorium, and was last seen crossing the border to Georgia. However, we have a substitute! From The Very Very Dark Side, he is... THE XANDERTAKER!
“Thriller” by Michael Jackson hit as The Xandertaker made his way to the ring!
Where’s Waldo Block: Andy Cryst vs The Xandertaker
Andy started with a dropkick, making The Xandertaker back into the ropes, Andy going for a Cactus Jack lariat but Xandertaker lands on his feet, grabbing Andy’s hand! Climbing to the top rope, he WALKS THE ROPE and hits a chop to the neck! Xandertaker would slam Andy and hit an elbow, cover for a two count. Andy got pulled up, and Xandertaker took a swing but Andy ducked, school boy attempt for a two count. Andy hit a forearm, then another to knock down Xandertaker, who SITS UP! Xandertaker slams Andy Cryst and goes for a legdrop, but Andy rolls away and stalks the Xandertaker.... kick.... SIX SIX STUNNER! But XANDERTAKER SAT UP! He kicked Xandertaker again and set up for another Six Six Stunner, shoving Cryst to the ropes.... GRABS HIS NECK! Chokeslam! Cover, two, kickout! He picked Cryst up for the tombstone... but Andy wriggled out, setting up for the “Human Slinky” Germans... hit the first one, but as he went back to a vertical base for a second, Xander elbowed free.... heading to the ropes.... FLYING LARIAT! He then lifted
Andy back to his feet... TOMBSTONE! One, two, three!
3Q: Well that was a great bout folks, coming up next is the first-ever Hulk Hands match, where all the wrestlers will wear a pair of Hulk Hands at all times.
CLICK HERE! (Thanks OrochiGeese!)
3Q: And now it’s time for our main event, folks. The winner will face off against Mekhet for the Grand Champion of Intense Combat title...
ETF: And now the finals of the 1-1-1 UP 1-1-1 UP tournament! Unfortunately Xandertaker has mysteriously dissapeared, however in his place we found the guy he was substituting for anyways! From Sunrise, Florida, one half of the DPW Tag Team Champions, XANDER STARR!
“Through the Fire and Flames” by DragonForce hits as Xander hits the arena!
ETF: And his opponent... the Greatest Hero, Jin Yagami Jr!
“SID Icarus” hits once again as Jin Yagami Jr returns to the ring for the third time tonight!
MAIN EVENT: Xander Starr vs Jin Yagami Jr
The two of them locked up, Jin taking advantage but Starr dropping back and getting a monkey flip! A nip-up and Xander was on his feet first, able to follow up with a bulldog to Yagami! Going to the apron, Xander got ready to launch himself... but Yagami caught him, Heroism Bomb (Death Valley Bomb)! One, two, kickout! Jin would pick Xander up for a suplex, following up with a chinlock until Xander was able to get to his feet, elbowing free. Xander would head to the ropes and leap onto Jin’s shoulders, spinning his body while taking Yagami down and hooking his legs, cover, two count. Xander would then go for a springboard moonsault attack, but Yagami caught it and slammed him down, following up with a flashing elbow! Jin would follow up with a DDT and a release German, trying to set up for an STF but got caught in a rollup in! One, two, kickout! Xander gets a hiptoss, followed by an armdrag, then delivering a dropsault, rolling to his back and nip-up again, picking up Yagami... “Twisted Sister”(Twist Diamond Cutter)! heading to the top rope... 810 Splash, but Yagami used the Fighting Spirit That Shines Like a Beacon, rolling away! Jin quickly got to his feet, picking up Xander... and a LEGENDARY TECHNIQUE OF DESTINY!
But before he could get the pin, a man in a monkey suit and black tights hit the ring!
3Q: Wait a minuite... that looks like a certain simian wrestler we used to have around here... I’m not allowed to say his name but he portrayed a legendary wrestler who passed away, so we had to suspend the monkey man...
The monkey man would pull Yagami to his feet, hefting him in the air for a gorilla press slam to the floor! Then he picked up Xander Starr, planting him with a powerbomb, then putting him in a Gorilla Clutch! Xander tapped out, and Eric T. Figurehead entered the ring.
ETF: YOU LET HIM GO! LET HIM GO RIGHT NOW OR ELSE...
The monkey did let go of Xander... and hit a Gorilla Press Slam on ETF as well!
3Q: HOLY SHAZBOT! I don’t know what’s going on, or why he’s here.... but he just laid waste to the potential number one contenders... what will happen to the title hunt now? I’m afraid that’s all the time we have though...
