FLEX: Debbie Does a Night In A Cup

FLEX has returned to somewhat telivised TV! Due to several shows off the radar, championships have changed, and the roster has expanded and shuffled a bit. ENJOY!

FLEX Presents: DEBBIE DOES A NIGHT IN A CUP

The show begins with commissioner Eric T. Figurehead in the ring.

ETF: Welcome to the triumphant return to Fighting League EXtreme! We are here LIVE at the only venue we could afford, Multi-Purpose Room C at the Miami Beach Convention Center... WITH A DRY ERASE BOARD!

ALL 20 FANS: DRY E-RASE BOARD! -CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP-

ETF: Now, not only am I the commissioner of FLEX, but due to our budget... or lack thereof, I am also a ring announcer. Luckily we DO have a commentator, Quentin Q. Quentinstein, and more importantly we have wrestlers! Speaking of whom, allow me to introduce to you tonight our first two athletes in a last-minuite addition to the card... this is a women’s match, scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Shinjuku, Japan, SHIZUKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII MARU!

“DASH DASH DASH!” (AKA “I Am Impact!” from Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon) plays as Shizuki Maru comes out wearing a red ninja jumpsuit and a three-foot long white bandana.

ETF: And her opponent, from Isla Nublar, this is... LIZ!

“Snakes” by Six Feet Under plays as Liz crawls to the ring on all fours, wearing a green singlet and Hayabusa style mask.

MATCH ZERO- WOMENS EXHIBITION- SHIZUKI MARU VS LIZ

Shizuki fires a pair of low kicks to Liz, who blocks them with her arm as she crawls around the ring. Eventually Shizuki has enough and goes for a Magistral but Liz trips her up and puts her in a leglock, Shizuki quickly getting to the ropes. Liz would bounce off the ropes and Shizuki would get dropkicked in the face as she got up, rolling under the ring. Liz, unaware that Shizuki wasn’t there, simply waited... and Shizuki would slide into the ring behind Liz, tap her on the shoulder, and deliver a spinkick to the face. Shizuki delivered a rebound asai for a two count then Shizuki would pick Liz up and deliver the “Maru-chan Shrimp Driver Technique” (Asai DDT into Gedo Clutch) for another two count. Liz would eat some kicks from Shizuki and MISTED her in the eyes, immediately going for a submision with an Anaconda Vice, but Shizuki had a trick of her own... a SMOKE BOMB! The smoke cleared.... and Shizuki was still in the hold. Eventually she did get to the ropes, and Liz would pull Shizuki up and onto her shoulders for “E-Reptile Dysfunction” (Electric Chair Drop), then went to the corner for her “Shining Lizard” finisher, but Shizuki would block it! Shizuki hit a flying kneelkick then went to the top rope for her finisher, a corkscrew plancha called “DO A BARREL ROLL!”, and would get the three count.

3Q: What a nice exhibition by these two women. While they aren’t bound to FLEX, we’d be happy to bring them back that’s for sure!

ETF: Our first official match is a singles bout scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Underneath the Ladder, Eric The Klutz!

“Story of My Life” by Social Distortion plays as Eric comes out wearing a pink T-shirt and blue shorts, nearly falling on his face after tripping over a wire.

3Q: For those who don’t know, Eric’s shirt was originally white, but he took it to a laundromat and accidentally put it with a red pair of boxers... and there we go.

ETF: And his opponent, from Parts Somewhat Known, he is GIANT LOUIE!

“Louie Louie” by Motorhead would play as Giant Louie would come down... standing at only about 6’, but pretty stocky with a big gut to him.

MATCH ONE: ERIC THE KLUTZ VS GIANT LOUIE

Eric and Louie exchanged chops at first, and Louie would eventually hit a scoop and a slam before going to the corner to take a rest. This allowed Eric to set up for a Space Ro... no he slipped and fall on his back. Louie would stomp on him a couple times and pick him up for a DDT, Eric coming back to hit Louie with a lariat... Louie didn’t budge, and Eric tripped over his own feet and fell over, going up and hitting ANOTHER lariat, knocking Louie around but Eric stumbled over his own feet, grabbing onto the ropes to stay upright. Eric then yelled out “DROPKICK TIME!” and waited for Giant Louie to get to his feet before charging... and his dropkick would miss by a foot. Louie would go to the ropes for “Pancake Time!” (Running Hip Drop) but Eric would roll away. He went to the corner to set for a Shining Wizard, but he would miss Louie’s head. However, he whipped his leg back, hitting Louie in the back of the head, and went for the cover after the “Miracle Whip”. One, two, three!

3Q: Well that was about as pretty as a car crash, but a win is a win is a win.

ETF: And now, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the Fighting League EXtreme Triple Play championship titles. And according to FLEX rules, this match is an ELIMINATION tag match. Introducing first, from Stanford, CT, “Stone Bald” Steve Houston, “Bollywood” Bulk Rogan, the PANDA TEAM! And their partner, he is drug-filled, alcohol-filled, and cooler than you, XS Metal!

“DDAMM” by Slayer would play as the trio would come down the ring. XS Metal would be none other than DPW color man Xander Starr dressed as a certain popular wrestler... and threw up the X!

ETF: And their opponents, the champions... from All Capcom Staff, the Original Gamer Sam S. McCloud. From Neo Olde Tokyo, the Ultimate Anime Fanboy OTAKU, and from the Sonny Chiba District of Japan, “Mr. Sushi and Rice” Ozzy DaBoe, TEAM MOON GAS 200 YEN!

“Chuu Chuu Lovely Muni Muni Mura Mura Purin Purin Boron Nurururerorero” by Maximum The Hormone played as the champs would come down with their cardboard belts that, if they won tonight, would come with them TO THE MOON of all places at the next UBL show!

MATCH TWO- TRIPLE PLAY TITLE MATCH: PANDA TEAM & XS METAL VS TEAM MOON GAS 200Y

OTAKU and Houston would start at it, brawling until Houston got the upper hand, but OTAKU would grab his arm, twist it, and kick Houston in the face before tagging in Sam, who delivered an open handed uppercut yelling “REPPUKEN!” and sent Houston back to the ropes, Sam would then follow up with the “Hundred Hand Slap” until the ref pulled Sam off, allowing Rogan to tag in and nail some punches to the Original Gamer, who blocked an Axe Bomber and delivered a Contra Code! One, two, kickout at two. Tag to OTAKU, who got on the top rope and hit “Black Magic M-66”(Corkscrew SSP) for a sudden three count!

Houston would enter the ring next, OTAKU getting decked with a lariat and a powerbomb, but blocked a kick setup to a Stunner with a Dragon Screw, then delivered a “Shonen Jump” standing moonsault for a two count. He would set up next for a “Ghost In The Shell” (Ebisu Otoshi) but Houston escaped, and as soon as OTAKU turned around... Stunner! One, two, three. Houston would call for a beer and try to celebrate, not realizing the match wasn’t even really over, allowing Sam to set him up from behind for “The 100 Mega Shock!” (Kudome Valentine) to leave the rudo team to one member.

XS Metal would now enter the ring, delivering a series of dropkicks, arm drags, and drop toe holds, throwing up the X every time he delivered a move. It wasn’t long until Sam was put in the Go 2 Bed for a three count.

Ozzy DaBoe would enter the ring now, and XS would deliver a release rana and rolling senton splash, throwing up an X. DaBoe would do Y, an M, a C, then an A, then a backslide for a two count, but as XS got to his knees Ozzy sprung up to hit the “Shining Noun!” (Shining Gamengiri). Ozzy would lift him into an Urange slam position for “O RLY” (Urange to spinebuster), but XS elbowed out, kicked him in the stomach, and set up for the “Absinthe Plunge” but Ozzy would backdrop would of it... then two Japanese schoolgirls slide out from under the ring and started to dance with DaBoe! XS got up and was immediately hit with the ParaParaPlex! One, two, three.

3Q: And the champions manage to retain! And that was only the first title match because later tonight Secret Agent Mann, who won top contendership in a special exhibition at the last Demolition Pro Wrestling show, gets to face off against “The Greatest Hero” Jin Yagami Jr for the title. But that’s later on, let’s get back to the action.

ETF: Ladies and gentlemen our next match is a singles bout scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Crazy Harry’s Used Subaru Lot, this is the EVIL used car salesman, CRAZY HARRY!

“Breifcase Full Of Guts” by Dethklok plays as Crazy Harry comes out, wearing a tacky suit and bowtie.

ETF: And his opponent... he hails from Soda Springs, Idaho, and has 32 grams of sugar, he is GRAPE JUICE JONES!

“Junk Food” by Sex Machineguns hits as Grape Juice Jones come out in a purple suit with mariachi-style sleeves, a purple mask, and a bowler hat.

MATCH THREE: CRAZY HARRY VS GRAPE JUICE JONES

Crazy Harry would offer a handshake, and Grape Juice would accept but would get sucker punched and whipped into the corner for a jumping knee strike, followed by a snapmare and a chinclock. Jones would slip out of the hold and deliver a body slam, setting up for windup punch but would get thumbed in the eye. Harry would trip Jones and stomp on him, going to the ropes for a knee drop but Jones would get to his feet and hit a dropkick. Jones would throw Harry into the ropes and would signal for “The Grape Juice of Wrath”(Press Slam into Cutter) but Harry would block it with an elbow smash, followed by the “Hook Line and Sinker” (Fisherman Suplex) for a nearfall. Harry did a crossbody but Jones would roll through and attempt a “Grape Crusher ‘99”, but Harry would roll into a small package for a nearfall. Harry would then talk to the referee about a fantastic brand new pre-owned sedan. He gave the ref some brochures and the ref was too busy to look at them to see Jones hit the Grape Juice of Wrath and cover for at least a three. Grape Juice talked to the referee, who showed him the brochure, and would be too awed by those FANTASTIC deals to notice Harry hitting him with a chair! Harry then hit the Sticker Shock (Michunoku Driver) for the three count!

3Q: What a cheap victory for Crazy Harry! Speaking of cheap, we got FLEX T-shirts on sale for only five dollars. HELP US OUT PEOPLE! THERE ARE GUYS WHO WE OWE MONEY TO! GUYS WITH LEAD PIPES AND PINSTRIPE SUITS!

ETF: And our next match... a tag team match scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from New York City, he is the furious baseball warrior, THE SLUGGER! And his tag team partner, from Joe, Montana, he is TOUCHDOWN! They are Extreme Sports Power Nexus!

“ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?!” plays as a man dressed in a baseball uniform and facepaint comes out side by side with a man in a football uniform complete with helmet.

ETF: And their opponents, representing The Lost, accompanied by Mekhet and Nachtzehrer, this is WENDIGO and Thorn!

“From the Cradle to Enslave (Demon Mix)” by Cradle of Filth plays as the quartet of evil vampires goes down the ring. Thorn is holding a skull and is chanting while focusing into it’s eye sockets, WENDIGO rushes the crowd, scaring them off, Nachtzehrer stares blankly into the ring while Mekhet, the leader of the four and holder of the Bloodstone of Mephistopheles, watches on.

MATCH FOUR: EXTREME SPORTS POWER NEXUS VS WENDIGO AND THORN (rep. The Lost)

TOUCHDOWN! and WENDIGO started things off, WENDIGO attacking the larger man with a flurry of strikes like a man possessed, and the referee had to actually SUPLEX him off of TOUCHDOWN! for the break, spouting a “Kick his ass, ref!” chant. TOUCHDOWN! would complain to the ref for WENDIGO’s “Pass interference”, which just confused everyone, even Slugger. WENDIGO would again charge at TOUCHDOWN! who this time used his power to elbow WENDIGO and throw him into the mat, and a tag to Slugger, who delivered a pair of elbow drops followed by his “Cleat Kick” (Shining Black). He went to the ropes for the Baseball Slide, but Mekhet tripped him up. This allowed WENDIGO to tag to Thorn, who would get hammered by punches by Slugger sending him into the corner, but as Slugger wound up for the “Knuckeball Chop”, Thorn used his “Enchantment of the Loa” (Magic Spell) to stop it, allowing Thorn to deliver a roaring elbow and drop suplex. TOUCHDOWN! tried to cut in, but Thorn used the “Poison of Kali” (Poison Mist) to blind him. Fortunately for ESPN, Slugger would deliver a backdrop from behind and a knee drop, tagging in TOUCHDOWN!, allowing them to set up for “Overtime” (Double Lariat) and then TOUCHDOWN!s “Facemask Slam” (Claw Slam), but Thorn would block the big finish and deliver a “Chokebuster” (Chichibu Cement). WENDIGO could cut in and deliver the “T-K-WENDIGO” (Hawaiian Smasher) to Slugger, and the cover: One, two, three!

3Q: That was a close one but the Lost... OH COME ON!

Mekhet and Nachtzehrer entered the ring, and the quartet of vampires beat on TOUCHDOWN and then ripped his shirt open, Thorn using a red paste to draw a symbol over the football star’s chest.

3Q: What is this... Thorn is a master of black magic, he might be preparing something really nasty here...

But before we could find out what the Lost have planned, Slugger got a baseball bat and stormed to the ring, clocking WENDIGO and Nachtzehrer! Mekhet would bail as Slugger hit a homerun on Thorn’s head, then went to the ropes... BASEBALL SLIDE! He would then slide out of the ring and chase the cult’s leader, as we went into intermission. After everyone went to the lobby to get themselves a treat, Eric T. Figurehead was back in the ring.

ETF: I should have mentioned this BEFORE The Lost fought... but sometimes even in FLEX things can get ugly and brutal. The following contest may also get ugly too, because just before the show, it was changed to a NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH. Introducing first, from A Cold Day In Hell, this is the only wrestler named after a metric temperature... –10*C!

“Cold as Ice” by Foreigner hit as the silver-blueish tights of –10*C came down the ramp, presumably with –10*C inside it.

ETF: And his opponent... he hails from the Miami chapter of the Hell’s Angels by way of the Barnum and Bailey circus... he is CRISPY THE HOMICIDAL CLOWN!

“I’m Just A Rock and Roll Clown” by Dr. Rockso played as the 7’ Crispy came out, wearing baggy pants, grease paint, and a jean jacket with biker patches on it.

MATCH FIVE, NO DQ: -10*C vs CRISPY THE HOMICIDAL CLOWN

-10*C and Crispy began brawling, but the bigger and stronger Crispy knocked –10*C down who went out to the floor, Crispy following suit. The master of the drop toe hold would elbow Crispy and throw him into the barricade... wait this is FLEX! The crowd BARELY got out of the way as Crispy crashed into a row of chairs, which is more painful than being hit by a chair. How that works, we don’t know. Anyways! Crispy and –10*C continued to battle in what for lack of a better term will be called the stands, Crispy gaining the upper hand and smashing –10 into the dry erase board, prompting the second “DRY E-RASE BOARD (Clap clap clapclapclap)” chant of the evening. –10 would go for a suplex onto the concrete, but Crispy would block it and go for one of his own, but Crispy would counter the counter landing on his feet behind the clown, delivering a knee crusher! Bringing Crispy back into the ring, -10* would work on the knee of the clown, and eventually pull him to the corner for an “Icebird Splash” (Fire Star Splash), but Crispy brought the good knee up. Crispy would pick up –10* for the “Big Top Drop” (F5), but the knee would give out and –10* would have position... WIZARD OF WINTER! (Shining Wizard). One, two, no. Crispy would then get whipped into the ropes, and –10* would go for “World’s Laziest Kick” (Running Toe Kick in the corner) but Crispy would block it and shove –10* down, before going to the outside for a table. While pulling it out, though, -10* did a flying elbow suicida! –10* hit Crispy with a chair then tossed it in the ring along with sliding the table in, climbing on the apron for a Ghetto Stomp before going back in the ring to set it up. Crispy would get back in the ring and charge for a lariat... DROP TOE HOLD ONTO THE CHAIR! NOBODY KICKS OUT OF –10’S DROP TOE HOLD! ONE, TWO, KICKOUT!! An Incensed –10 would set Crispy up for a powerbomb through the table, but Crispy blocked it, delivered a Manhattan Drop, repositioned himself and delivered a Last Ride powerbomb through the table! He then whipped –10*C into the ropes... “ALLEYOOP!” (Flapjack). One, two, three!

3Q: That was a great contest, and Crispy retains his undefeated streak against a tough customer in –10*C.

ETF: The following FLEXhibition guantlet is scheduled for four falls! Introducing first, the man who will run the guantlet... he is from the ancient Jade Lotus Temple, he is the leader of the International House of Pain, Kung-Fu-Man-Chu!

“(Everybody was) Kung Fu Fighting” hits as KFMC comes down, wearing white gi pants and being bald except for a ponytail

ETF: And his first opponent... from Nowhere In Particular... GUS NOBODY!

“Nobody’s Fault” by Aerosmith played as a generic-looking individual went down the ring.

MATCH SIX: FLEXhibition Guantlet!
Part One: Kung Fu Man Chu vs Gus Nobody

KFMC unloads with a series of chops and open-handed strikes, delivering a snapmare and going for a Penalty Kick, but Gus got to his feet and kicked KFMC in the gut, and set up for his finisher, the Swinging Neckbreaker, but KFMC grabbed his arm and twisted it, kicking him in the stomach twice before applying an armbar for an easy submission win.

ETF: And the second entrant... from Grad School... JOEY THE INTERN!

“Rock and Roll All Nite” by KISS would play as Joey came down the ramp, wearing jeans and a short-sleeved jean shirt over a long sleeved shirt.

Part Two: Kung Fu Man Chu vs Joey The Intern

Joey would immediately hit a flying lariat and follow up with a flashing elbow, helping KFMC up and throwing him into the ropes, and using the “Intern Net” (Tarantula), letting go after the 3 count. He would then attempt the “Coffee Maker” (Side Roll Stunner), but KFMC would float over, get a sleeper hold until Joey hit the canvas, and nailed a Penalty Kick. One, two, three.

3Q: Kung Fu Man Chu showing why he is one of FLEX’ most dangerous athletes.

ETF: Entrant number three... from Mike’s Hometown... he is Mike’s Brother!

“People are Strange” by the Doors hits as the brother of a famous wrestler named Mike enters the ring.

Part Three: Kung Fu Man Chu vs Mike’s Brother

Mike went for a flying forearm and went to the ropes for “That Move He Does” (Atomic Leg Drop) but KFMC rolled away and made Mike miss. KFMU would throw him to the ropes and hit “Chop Su Wi” (Backhand chop against running opponent) for a three count.

3Q: And once again with no effort at all he defeated Mike’s Brother. There’s only one person left...

ETF: And his final opponent... from Detroit Rock City, the Generic Pro Wrestling Television Champion... BRETT BARRACUDA!

“Talk Dirty to Me” by Poison played and the lights would go out until right before the first verse, when a man in a spandex jumpsuit and rhinestone-covered jacket would be holding a microphone on a stand near the entrance area... and began singing the lyrics. This would commence an entrance where he sang and danced around the ring, winking and blowing kisses to the two female fans, and then back to the start where two women fired confetti blasters over him, before finally going into the ring to a standing ovation.

3Q: That was the most EPIC entrance in Fighting League EXtreme history! Brett must be one hell of a challenge! I wouldn’t want to be Kung Fu Man Chu right now...

Part Four: Kung Fu Man Chu vs Brett Barracuda

As soon as Brett faced him, KFMC roundhouse kicked him in the face. One, two, three.

3Q: Or not. Well it’s time for our main event! This is a rare technico vs tecnico title match, as the pride of British Intelligence battles the iconic role model.

ETF: And now it’s time for the MAIN event, scheduled for one fall and is for the FLEX Grand Champion of Intense Combat championship! Introducing first the challenger, from Her Majesty’s Secret Service, he is Secret Agent Mann!

“Live and Let Die” by Paul McCartney plays as the superspy entered the ring

ETF: And his opponent... the FLEX Grand Champion of Intense Combat... from Tokyo Japan... he is the GREATEST HERO! JIN YAGAMI JR!

And to “SID Icarus” by Machinae Supremacy played, the champ would come down the ring with his black-and-white singlet and mask.

MAIN EVENT: FLEX GRAND CHAMPION OF INTENSE COMBAT: SECRET AGENT MANN VS JIN YAGAMI JR (c)

Agent and Jin would shake hands first and jockey for position, Agent would arm drag Jin and apply an arm lock, but Jin would counter with a headscissors, with Agent getting a jackknife hold and Jin putting his legs over Agent’s shoulders and roll him for a cover, only a one count as they got back to a standoff. Jin then gets a headlock and throws him over with Agent rolling him to his shoulders, Jin rolling through and keeping the headlock on until SA managed to get him up and go for a backdrop. He would go for the jetpack but Jin would roll him up before he could strap it on, SA rolling through and applying an armlock until the Greatest Hero bridged out. SA would do a flying back elbow and follow up with “Shaken Not Stirred” (Sunset Flip Bomb) for a two count until Jin rolled through and hit a dropkick to the face. Jin hit a Complete Shot and folowed up with an STF, but SA would get the ropes. SA would deliver a flying headscissors and put on the jetpack, delivering a “Moonrakersault” for a two count. Jin would try to recover with a lariat but SA would duck under it, deliver a hurricanrana whip and a rolling senton then Jin up in the Argentine Rack position, before bringing Jin down like an implant DDT!

3Q: LIVE AND LET DIE! It’s over!

One, two, NO! Mann would set it up again, but Jin would escape and deliver the Heroism Bomb (Death Valley Bomb). One, two, no. Jin would lift Mann up and deliver some strikes, but then a gas emitted from the lapel of Secret Agent Mann! Jin went down like a sack of bricks! Mann would go to the top rope, and the crowd chanted... not for Jin, but for the dry erase board... BUT IT WAS ENOUGH TO EVOKE THE FIGHTING SPIRIT THAT SHINES LIKE A BEACON. Jin would get his knees up to block the Moonrakersault, then while Mann was clutching his stomach Jin got up, butterflied the arms, and delivered the Legendary Technique of Destiny (Angel’s Wings)! The cover, one, two THREE!

3Q: WHAT A MATCH FOLKS... and wait a second...

The Takeda Corporation, consiting of the evil tryant billionaire Takeda-sama, his cowardly son Courage, and their bodyguard Akira Yamazaki, storm the ring and attack Jin and Secret Agent Mann... well, Takeda and Akira do, Courage taps them with his foot then jumps back like they are about to explode. Eventually Commissioner Figurehead gets a mic.

ETF: TAKEDA! STOP THIS NOW! What the hell are you doing?

Takeda grabs a mic.

Takeda: Making a statement, Figurehead. We should have been represented tonight, but you refused to even book us for one lousy match!

ETF: Yeah and with you interfering like this it’s a wonder why I don’t like giving you title matches.

Takeda: Well we deserve one!

Then, Kung Fu Man Chu comes out with “The Lovely Flower of Japan” Geisha Man, The 7’ Luchador El Toothpick, and “Legitamite Businessman” Milo Falcone, collectively known as the International House of Pain!

Falcone: Whoawhoa whoa... shuddupyaface, Takeda. Now as you saw from our leader destroying FOUR people by himself, I think its’ fair to say it’s IHOP who deserves the next title shot, huh?

ETF: Alright. Tell you what. There’s four members of IHOP, three members of Takeda Corporation. So it will be IHOP vs Takeda Corporation... AND Crazy Harry, in an eight-man-tag team match at our next show. The man who gets the pinfall will become number one contender. Also! Due to what happened earlier tonight, I’m booking The Lost against Jin Yagami Jr, ESPN, and... CRISPY THE HOMICIDAL CLOWN!

3Q: Wow, TWO huge eight-man tag matches planned for our next event.

ETF: Also, while it may be announced at the next show or sometime else in the future, I am closing a BIG deal that will bring Fighting League EXtreme to new heights! And I’m not just talking about a new snack machine either! Until then... good night everyone!