DANCE DANCE GRAND GUITAR BRAWL RESULTS

DANCE DANCE GRAND GUITAR BRAWL
Live at the parking lot of the Pizza Hut/Taco Bell near the Sawgrass Mills Mall!

Eric T. Figurehead: "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Fighting League EXtreme Dance Dance Grand Guitar Brawl! We have seven great matchups for you tonight, as well as TWO eight-man tag team matches, as well as a big announcement that will be... right after this first match! I am the FLEX Commissioner as you all know, and because of our budget... well, more accurately, that we don’t have one, I am also your ring announcer. Luckily for us, Quentin Q. Quentinstein is willing to work for a personal pizza!"

Crowd: PER-SON-AL-PIZ-ZA! *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*

ETF: So without further Apu, our first match... she hails from The Toy Chest, the plastic protector of freedom, ARMY WOMAN!

"War (What is it Good For)" hits as a female green army figurine come to life marches to the ring.

ETF: And her opponent, she hails from Shinjuku, Japan.... the Ninja of Shinjuku, SHIZUKI-MARU!

"I am Impact!" plays as Shizuki-Maru enters the ring in her red jumpsuit and three-foot-long white headband

Match Zero: Army Woman vs Shizuki-Maru

Shizuki-Maru and Army Woman lock up in the middle of the ring, and Shizuki gets a hiptoss followed by a kneedrop. Army Woman recovers, elbowing Shizuki twice before hitting a running forearm in the corner. Shizuki would try to get on Army Woman’s shoulders for a "Shizuki Shadow Clutch" (Momoe*Latch), but Shizuki would get powerbombed. Shizuki kipped up and tried a spinkick, flooring Army Woman. She went for the "Maru-Chan Shimp Driver" (Asai DDT) but Army Woman delivered a backdrop, following up with an "Air Strike!" (flying fist drop) after this, Army Woman hit a DDT and floated over to the WAR Special! Shizuki struggled, but she couldn’t escape and eventually was forced to submit!

3Q: And now Eric T. Figurehead is talking to Army Woman...

ETF: Congratulations, Army Woman. This match was more than just for bragging rights, see, coming soon, we will have a joint show with Los Angeles Woman’s Lucha! That’s right, FLEX vs LAWL: Mark of the MiLAWLnium! And this match was to determine who will represent us in the first match in this historical event! Congratulations!

Army Woman SALUTES then leaves the ring so we can get to our next match.

ETF: Our next context is scheduled for one fall... introducing first, from Jellystone Forest, representing The Three Bears and accompanied by Big Bear and The Great Bearta, He’s Too Hot! He’s Too Cold! He’s JUST RIGHT! CURRY BEAR!

"Teddy Bear Picnic" plays as the trio of bears goes down to the ring, Curry Bear, who is dressed like Curry Man, enters the ring and starts dancing

ETF: And his opponent, from Grad School, Joey The Intern!

"Rock and Roll All Night" by Kiss plays as Joey, wearing a shortsleeve shirt under a longsleeve shirt under a shortsleeve shirt, enters the ring.

Match One: Curry Bear vs Joey The Intern

Joey would throw kicks at Curry Bear, who would respond with a punch followed by a Sobat! Joey went down and Curry Bear would deliver a suplex and a leg drop, dancing a bit before slamming Joey down for a Hollywood Star Press and a two count. Joey hit some elbows and whipped Curry Bear to the ropes for a flying lariat, climbing to the top rope but Curry Bear would throw him off and climb up for a flying headbutt. A "Beary Drop" later and the match would be over.

3Q: And in no time at all Curry Bear defeats Joey The Intern. Coming up next, a debut match for the man known as Saiba Punk.

ETF: Our next contest... introducing first, from the year 2084, he is Saiba Punk!

"Inch’Allah" by Samael hits as the lights installed on the roof go low, and Saiba Punk would walk down in his glow-in-the-dark-and-blue jumsuit.

ETF: And his opponent, from Her Majesty’s Secret Service, the world’s great superspy, Secret Agent Mann!

"Live and Let Die" hits as Secret Agent Mann arrives in a super-fancy Bentley... and a guy chasing after him yelling "HEY THATS MY CAR!"

CROWD: FEL-ON-Y CAR THEFT! *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*

Match Two: Saiba Punk vs Secret Agent Mann

Saiba would start this match with a drop toe hold floated over into a headlock, Mann countering by standing to his feet, slipping out of the headlock and rolling Saiba for a one count. Saiba would get to his feet and go for a hiptoss, but it was blocked into a flash rollup for a two count. Mann would to go the top rope and deliver a cross body, following that up with a standing senton splash. Saiba would get pulled up and whipped to the ropes, but! Saiba caught his leapfrog for a powerbomb! Saiba would go to the top for the "I Hate You Virus" (Phoenix Splash) but the knees are up. Secret Agent Mann would put the jetpack on and go for the "Moonrakersault" but the knees were up too.

3Q: Both men are taking the time to recover from those high-risk moves.

Saiba gets back to his feet first, but Mann gets his wits back first, Mann setting up for the "Shaken Not Stirred", but Mann blocks it, grabbing the arms of the superspy, hitting him with a Gory Bomb! He then pulled Mann up to his feet and hit the "Blue Screen of Death" (Complete Shot)! One, two, three!

3Q: What a counter! And it’s all over, folks.

ETF: The next contest is a tag team battle scheduled for one fall... introducing first... from A Happy Place, this is
YES! and his tag team partner from Soda Springs Idaho, Grape Juice Jones!

"The Metal" by Tenacious D hit as YES! and GJJ enter the ring

ETF: And their opponents... from A Cold Day In Hell, The Coolest Wrestler in FLEX, -10*C! And his tag team partner, from Somewhere Over The Rainbow, this is The Rabid Elf!

"Cold As Ice" by Foreigner plays as the rudo duo enters.

Match Three: YES! and Grape Juice Jones vs -10*C and The Rabid Elf

GJJ and -10 started things out and Jones put the icy one in a headlock, taking him over and transitioning to a chinlock. -10 fought to his feet and got behind him in a hammerlock before transitioning to a headlock and takedown of his own, working him over in that. Jones would get to a vertical base, shooting him off to the ropes and hitting a Sobat and a Euro uppercut for a chance at the tag. YES! jumped the ropes, landing on the second rope of the opposite side of the corner, rebounding off for an elbow drop for a nice crowd reaction and a two count. -10 tags to The Rabid Elf, who rushes in with a running elbow to the masked face of YES! and a flying knee to the chin of Jones! Elf then climbs to the top rope for a moonsault!

3Q: What a move by The Rabid Elf! Irish eyes are smiling after that one.

Elf whipped YES! to the ropes and delivered an arm drag takeover, then started BITING the forehead of YES! Jones broke it up, but this distracted the referee... and Rabid Elf kicked YES! right in the lucky charms! The ref turns around as the elf sets up for the "Snap Crackle Pop" (Gory Neckbreaker), but YES! would break the fingers of the elf and roll him up for a sunset flip for a two count. Tag to -10*C and he went to powerbomb YES! who escaped, hit a release Tiger Driver, then locked in the "Positive Reinforcement" (Texas Clover Hold) until the Elf came in... "IRISH SPRING!" (poison mist) -10*C would get a Drop Toe Hold, but Grape Juice would enter the ring, hit the "Grape Crusher ‘99" and roll out. YES! would finally recover to hit the "Affirmative Action" (Shotgun) for the three count.

3Q: And a great ending to that bout as YES! pulls off the victory.

ETF: Our next contest, scheduled for one fall, is an eight-man tag team match, and whoever gets the pinall is getting a title shot against Jin Yagami Jr! Introducing first... Kung-Fu-Man Chu, Geisha Man, Milo Falcone and El Toothpick, the International House of Pain!

"Kung Fu Fighting" played as IHOP didn’t really have a theme.

ETF: And their opponents, Takeda-sama, Courage Takeda, and Akira Yamazaki, they are the Takeda Corporation! And their partner, from his used auto dealer, this is the EVIL used car salesman, Crazy Harry!

"Dethharmonic" by Dethklok plays as the foursome heads down the ramp (With Takeda-sama and Yamazaki DRAGGING Courage Takeda to the ring)

Match Four: IHOP vs Takeda Corp & Crazy Harry

Geisha Man and Yamazaki start out, Yamazaki hitting Geisha Man in the midsection with a kick, who would respond with turning his buttocks in the direction of the kicking leg and winking at Yamazaki... who would ROUNDHOUSE Geisha Man in the face before tagging to Crazy Harry, who was like "HELL NO" and tagged out to Takeda-sama. Takeda grabbed Geisha Man by the nose and kneed him in the stomach, giving him a snapmare takeover, but Giesha Man was able to tag in Milo Falcone. Milo elbowed Takeda in the face, bit his thumb at the CEO, and did a Roaring Slap!

3Q: This is looking to be a good one so far.

Tag to Crazy Harry, who dropkicked Milo in the sternum and delivered a drop toe hold, Milo then grabbing him by the collar and yelling "HEY! YOU WANNA PAY DOUBLE YA PROTECTION CHUMP!" and with that, Harry immediately tagged out to Akira Yamazaki, who only answered to the Takedas. He kneed Milo and followed up with a vicious elbow, spinning him around for an attempt at the "Bamboo Breaker Choke" but Milo fought out, went behind him, and tried a "Speakeasy Stretch" (Double arm stretch) but Yamazaki managed to fight him off.

Tag to Kung-Fu-Man-Chu who delivered a flurry of kicks to Yamazaki who tagged out to Crazy Harry, who would get hit with a Penalty Kick for a nearfall, followed by a Chop Su Wi (Chop against a running opponent) for a pin broken by Akira Yamazaki. KFMC whiffed a roundhouse and Crazy Harry tried a "Hook Line and Sinker" for a nearfall, and tried a "Sticker Shock" but KFMC took the backdoor and tagged El Toothpick, who hit "The World's Tallest Rana", forcing a Courage Takeda tag! Courage would head for the hills, but all THREE of his teammates pulled him back in the ring. El Toothpick suplexed and Musoued Courage, then delivered a "Toothchipper" (Pedigree) to Takeda-sama! Akira defended his boss, but also took a Toothchipper! Crazy Harry went to distract El Toothpick with his fantastic deals, but before he could pull out the pamphlet, kick, Toothchipper! Courage watched the Toothchippings and knew he was next, and slid out of the ring and all the way to Sawgrass Mills Mall for the countout!

3Q: It's over folks! El Toothpick winning the contendership with authority and a half...

ETF: Here are your winners, the INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF PAIN! And the NEW number one contender...

Suddenly, ETF is cut off by, of all things, Tiamat's cover of "Sympathy For the Devil". ETF and IHOP are understandably vexed, and after the "Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name" the music was cut off by the familiar yell of "HAIL SATAN!" followed by "Skeleton Christ" by Slayer!

3Q: NO WAY! IT'S EL DIABOLO ESTUPIDO! NOBODY HAS SEEN HIM SINCE HE LOST HIS MASK BACK IN MEXICO!

And who would come out but a man with red hair, black facepaint, and a white cutoff shirt with an upside-down pentagram on it. He entered the ring, and ETF stopped him as he approached the massive El Toothpick

ETF: Woah, woah... I don't know what you're doing here... but I was about to name El Toothpick number one contender.

EDE?: First of all... I'm no longer Diabolo Estupido. You can call me Andy Cryst now. But fear not, I'm still preaching the good word of Satan to all you impressonable kids out there! Second of all, Eric, you clearly said the man who got the PINFALL would be the top contender. Not the guy who got a countout. So tell you what... I'll take Courage's place and we restart this match.

ETF: Sounds okay by me...

As soon as he said that, Andy kicked El Toothpick and while he was doubled over, hit a stunner! The bell was rung and the referee counted to three before any of the other six wrestlers realized what happened!

ETF: Um, your winner in a Diesel-esque fashion, and the new number one contender, ANDY CRYST!

3Q: Well that was definately one of the most shocking moments in FLEX' history. The two top heroes of FLEX will be duking it out in a battle of the ages!

ETF: Well our next contest is scheduled for one fall... introducing first, from All Capcom Staff, he is one-third of the FLEX Triple Play Champions Team Moon Gas 200Y, and he is also the ORIGINAL GAMER, Sam S McCloud!

"Player One" by Machinae Supremacy hit as McCloud entered the ring, reading a copy of the "FLEX PLAYERS GUIDE (PS3 Edition)"

ETF: And his opponent from Orlando Florida, this is Zeke The Luchacat!

"Cat Scratch Fever" by Ted Nugent hit as the costumed Zeke heads to the ring.

Match Five: Sam S McCloud vs Zeke The Luchacat

Sam and Zeke lock horns for a moment, Zeke thumbing Sam in the eye and following up with a kick and a scoop slam. Sam rolled to his feet and dropkicked Zeke, kneeing him in the gut and hitting the "Apeture Science" (Sunset Flip Bomb) for a two count, Zeke rolling to his feet and attemping a "Shining Hairball" (Shining Enzuigiri) but Sam ducked and delivered a flip senton and hiptoss. Zeke would headbutt him and hit the "Cat Scratch Fever" (Garvin Stomp) and a "Cat's In The Cradle With The Silver Spoon" (Rolling Cradle) for a two count. Sam would hit the "Instant Hell Murder" for a nearfall, then a Reppuken and a "Tiger Knee!" (Flying Knee to the face). A second "Tiger Knee!" was blocked, and Zeke would choke Sam! The referee would admonish Zeke, who threw the referee in the way of a flying shoulder by Sam! Zeke would get a chair and DECK Sam S McCloud with it, kicking it away... one, two, NO! Sam would kick out! A second "Shining Hairball" attempt would be ducked, and Sam would hit the "100 Mega Shock!" (Kudome Valentime) One! Two! Three!

3Q: And he puts The Luchacat down with no time at all. And now the main event, folks, the big eight-man tag...

The Lost are already heading to the ring, carrying a beaten and blooded TOUCHDOWN and Slugger with them, slamming Slugger's head into the ringpost, rolling Touchdown into the middle of the ring and ripping open his shirt, Thorn making a symbol in a red substance on TOUCHDOWN's chest again. Jin Yagami Jr and Crispy the Homicidal Clown head to the ring, slugging it out with WENDIGO and Nachtzehrer. Thorn and Mekhet carried TOUCHDOWN out of the ring and into the back of a black van, locking the doors with a chain, then joined their unholy bretheren in combat. Slugger was unconsious and unable to continue, so it seemed like the technico's were down 4-2 when order was finally restored...

3Q: This is absolute chaos folks... wait a second!

"Back In The Saddle" by Aerosmith hit as Super Hockey made his return to FLEX, and alongside him a short masked man wearing a jockey outfit! Looks like we got it all evened up after all!

MAIN EVENT: The Lost vs Jin Yagami Jr, Crispy The Homicidal Clown, Super Hockey, and some jockey guy

This was UGLY and fast as all eight men rushed into the ring, the referee having no control over it. And the action was so chaotic that it was impossible to give a play by play! The madness broke down to Mekhet and Yagami in the ring as the other Technicos and The Lost brawled on the floor and into the "stands" even! Mekhet would attempt a Scheiwngatame but Jin used his wits to escape, but Mekhet started BITING into his mask! Jin covered his face to make sure his mask wasn't torn, and that lead him wide open to an Enzuigiri! Cover, two, kickout. The Greatest Hero would get a drop toe hold and Indian Death Lock, meanwhile Super Hockey tried to break the chain but Thorn used his "Enchantment of the Loa" (Magic Spell) to stop him! Crispy would try to hit a "Big Top Drop" on WENDIGO who escaped just in time! The Jockey Guy would get hammered by a vicious right hand by Nachtzehrer!

Back to the ring, Mekhet escaped the deathlock and applied an armbar to the hero who rolled to his feet, a hiptoss going to the STF, though Mekhet would escape, head to the ropes, SPINNING LEG LARIAT! THIS WAS IT! ONE TWO....

THE FIGHTING SPIRIT THAT SHINES LIKE A BEACON kicked in! Jin kicked out at 2.999, and elbowed Mekhet and hit a complete shot and a release German! Jin then called for the Legendary Technique of Destiny, but WENDIGO, who had just floored Crispy with a chair, entered the ring and cutt Jin off, hitting the Cannibal Cutter! Mekhet would use this to his advantage, another Spinning Leg Lariat! Super Hockey headed to the ring after smashing Thorn's head into the van door, and Yagami rolled out of the ring. The Jockey would look over to the Greatest Hero, leaving him open to a Nachtzehrer powerbomb onto the floor! The three Lost members pounded on Super Hockey, WENDIGO and Mekhet hoisting him up on their shoulders as the 280-pound Nachtzehrer headed to the top rope... DOOMSDAY CROSSBODY! Mekhet gets the cover: One, two, three!

Thorn recovered at this point, unlocking the van and WENDIGO and Nachtzehrer getting into the back. Thorn would then shut the doors and ride shotgun as Mekhet drove off.

3Q: That was a very ugly brawl folks... Pier 6 looks like a windmill slapfight compared to what we just witnessed. Slugger's still out.... Crispy's out... whoever that jockey is out.... Super Hockey's out... even The Greatest Hero is out.... and now TOUCHDOWN is in the hands of those vile monsters.... a dark day indeed for Fighting League EXtreme.