I'll Show You The Law Of Diminishing Returns! Results!

FLEX: I’ll Show You The Law Of Diminishing Returns!
Live at section D of the parking lot of the BankAntlantic Center

Commissioner Eric T. Figurehead would start the show as usual

ETF: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to another exciting FLEX event. We couldn’t afford the actual BankAntlantic Center, BUT we were able to rent out the parking lot... well, only section D.

Crowd: SEC-TION D RULES! *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*

ETF: Now, as you all know, I am Eric T. Figurehead, and at ringside is the best commentator who works for free, Quentin Q. Quentinstein. Now, I have two announcements to make. First of all, this is to Mekhet and his Lost. As I mentioned before, ESPN is not supposed to be here tonight, and it’s ONLY because Mekhet is public enemy number 1 in FLEX, as well as the man in the main event, that I am allowing his minions to be here as well. I do not want what could well be the best match in FLEX’ history to be ruined. Therefore... not only am I not allowing The Lost to commit unprovoked attacks against anyone in the FLEX roster... but! I am not allowing anyone at ringside. If you interfere with this match in any way, wether you are with ESPN, The Lost, IHOP, or by yourself, you will be fired on the spot! Now, for the second announcement... the winner of the FLEX Grand Champion of Intense Combat title match tonight will be the FLEX representative for the battle royal at The World Warriors as well, pending that Team FLEX wins their match... and while we’re on that subject... as an extra incentive to Team FLEX, if they do indeed win at The World Warriors, they will take part in a one-night tournament to determine which of them will get a shot at the Grand Champion of Intense Combat title.

ETF: And now without further Apu, our first match! Introducing first, she is from the Army Base, this is ARMY WOMAN!

“War (What is it Good For)” hits as Army Woman comes down to the ring, SALUTING as she does so

ETF: And her opponent... the high flying tomboy of DPW-J... from Newark, New Jersey, this is Crazy Red!

“Bad Reputation” by Joan Jett hits as Crazy Red enters the ring to a HUGE reaction.

MATCH NEGATIVE ONE: ARMY WOMAN VS CRAZY RED

Red comes out right at the gate with a crossbody for a one count followed by a flying shoulderblock and a leg drop. Army Woman would recover with an armdrag and elbow drop, throwing Red into the ropes and hitting a forearm smash. Army Woman would try another whip but Red would reverse... RED ALERT (Mountain Bomb)! Red would follow up with a superkick and a figure four, Army Woman escaping to the ropes. Army Woman would go for a snapmare and armlock, Red bridging out and getting a hiptoss... then hitting the Redline (Striking Lariat)! One, two, three!

3Q: WOW! Red winning this match in record time! Crazy Red is one of the top stars of DPW-J and I’m sure she might be looking at facing their champion Bloody Mary soon!

“And The Wind Cries Mary” by Jimi Hendrix hits as a man in tie-dye pants and long hair with bare feet comes down to the ring.

?: Duuuuuude... My name is Munchie... and I totally want to make someone totally bleed all over man.... So I’m calling an open challenge for a far-out deathmatch right now, man... you cool with that, man?

ETF: Uh... sure. Ahem... the next contest is a deathmatch with no disqualifications. Introducing first, from Woodstock, 1999, he is the Deathmatch Hippie, Munchie! And his opponent...

“Sympathy for the Devil/Skeleton Christ” hits as Andy Cryst appears!

ETF: From Hell, Michigan, The Satanic Hero Andy Cryst!

Match Zero: Munchie vs Andy Cryst

Andy and Munchie squared off, Andy getting a fireman’s carry and a quick one count. Munchie would get to his feet and deliver a series of elbow smashes then a scoop slam, getting a chair but Andy would duck the swing and hit him with a shoulder tackle. Andy would hit a knee drop and get the chair, yelling “Eat this chair in the name of SATAN!” as he decked the hippie with it.

3Q: Only in FLEX will you see people cheering on a devil worshipper as he beats up a hippie.

Andy would bounce off the ropes but Munchie would recover and get a big hiptoss and a splash for a quick two count. Munchie would then get the chair and go for a “Psychadelic Driver” (Schwein) on the chair but Andy slipped out... locked his hands for a German but Munchie elbowed out... Munchie whiffs a lariat... kick.. SIX SIX STUNNER! One, two, kickout at two. Andy would go to the floor and go under the ring to get a table, setting it up before putting Munchie on it, then went up for a Six Six Splash (450 Splash).... BUT MUNCHIE ROLLS OFF THE TABLE! Munchie would hit a Psychadelic Driver and go for the pin... one... two... KICKOUT! Andy would DDT Munchie onto the chair then set him up... The Human Slinky (Delphin style rolling Germans)! One, two... THREE!

3Q: What a big win by Andy Cryst! Coming up next is a FLEX first... a match where no humans are involved! Can a bear beat a monkey? Let’s hope we find out before PETA finds out about this match!

ETF: The following contest is scheduled for one fall... introducing first... from someone’s insane imagination... the organ-grinding strong style legend... MONKEYSAWA!

“Pop Goes The Weasel” hits as Monkeysawa comes out with his organ grinder.

ETF: And it’s opponent... representing the Three Bears... the mist-spewing demon bear... he is THE GREAT BEARTA!

“Teddy Bear Picnic” hits as a bear with a Muta mask enters the ring... and spits mist into the air!

Match One: Monkeysawa vs Great Bearta

Monkeysawa would deliver a series of elbows until Bearta raked the eye and hit a dragon screw, following up with a leglock. Monkeysawa would roll through and get a half crab but Bearta gets the ropes. Bearta gets to his feet and gets a headlock, spitting out mist and gouging the eyes of Monkeysawa and set up for a ribbreaker then a Bearsault... but Monkeysawa rolls away! He lifts Monkeysawa up and goes for the “Banana Flowsion” but Bearta floats over...

GLASS SHATTERED!

3Q: Uh-oh....

And then “Attitude” by Metallica hits, the theme music for Panda Team! “Dollywood” Bulk Rogan and “Stone Bald” Steve Houston would enter the ring and attack the animal combatants causing an immediate no contest. Rogan would throw Monkeysawa over the ropes to the floor... Houston hits a Stone Bald Stunner! Rogan follows up with a leg drop...

And then “Carmen Overture” hits and THE XANDIMATE WARRIOR enters the ring! Lariat to Rogan! Lariat to Houston! Lariat to Bearta! Monkeysawa enters the ring... ROARING ELBOW! But the Xandimate Warrior gets to his feet... LARIAT! SPLASH!

“Teddy Bear Picnic” plays again, and Curry Bear and Big Bear come out, and an all-out melee between Three Bears, Panda Team, Xandimate Warrior and Monkeysawa breaks out....

THEN! “Orange Juice” by Sex Machineguns hit... and out of nowhere comes A MASSIVE MUSCLEBOUND HUNK OF FRUIT!

3Q: I heard about this guy... he’s the infamous Fruitista!

Fruitista CABBAGE PATCHED and rushed the ring, cleaning house and taking people out one by one... up until the Xandimate Warrior... then delivered the “Cherry Bomb”! He would then cabbage patch in the ring until the Commissioner would enter the ring.

ETF: I have no idea what just happened there...

3Q: That makes two of us.

ETF: HEY! No talking while I’m talking, or you lose your slice of the pizza. ANYWAY! The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is a tag team match. Introducing first... From a Cold Day In Hell, the only wrestler named after a metric temperature... –10*C! And his opponent, from Orlando, Florida, the disgruntled theme park mascot Zeke The Luchacat! They are the COOL CATS!

“Cat Scratch Fever/Cold As Ice” mixed by FishHook Productions hits as the rudo team enters

ETF: And their opponents.... they are part of the team that will represent us at The World Warriors... from Soda Springs, Idaho and weighing in at 33 grams of sugar, GRAPE JUICE JONES! And his partner, from the year 2084, Saiba Punk!

“Inch’Allah” by Samael hits as the babyfaces come out, lights dimmed to show Saiba Punk’s glow-in-the-dark costume. Because apparently glow-in-the-dark is all the rage in the future.

Match Two: Cool Cats vs Grape Juice Jones & Saiba Punk

Zeke and Jones started off, locking up until Zeke stomped on Jones’ foot and delivered a series of overhand chops. He would deliver a snapmare and then crossfaced Jones until Punk broke it up.

3Q: Saiba Punk has the weirdest hair ever... it’s all blue, he’s got stubble AND a Mohawk AND a ponytail. Future barbers are nucking futs.

Jones got the tag and Saiba delivered a spingboard forearm smash, following up with a flashing elbow. Cover, two, kickout. Zeke would poke the eye and get a scoop slam before tagging out to –10*C. –10*C would hit a legdrop and work the leg of Saiba Punk until he kicked –10*C free. He would hit a DDT and go for a leglock of his own but Zeke broke it up. Saiba got a fireman’s carry and a headlock, but –10*C got to a vertical base and elbowed Saiba to break it, giving him a powerbomb before setting up for the Wizard of Winter (Shining Wizard) but Saiba managed to roll away and tag out. Jones entered the ring and –10*C would try to powerbomb him too but he tossed –10*C up... GRAPE JUICE OF WRATH (Flapjack Cutter)! Zeke would break the pin and hit “Cat Scratch Fever” (Garvin Stomp) and –10*C would head up to the top for the “Ice Bird Press” (Fire Star Splash), but Grape Juice would kick out. –10*C would follow up with the Drop Toe Hold of DOOM but Saiba reached in for the tag! –10*C would walk right into a “Blue Screen of Death” (Complete Shot) but Zeke would interfere again... SHINING HAIRBALL (Shining Enzuigiri)! Zeke would get ready to put –10*C’s arm over Saiba but Grape Juice stopped him... Grape Crusher ’99! (Ki Krusher). He then put Saiba’s arm over –10*C... one... two.. three!

3Q: That was a great battle and next up is the Trip... HOW THE...

OMG SPECIAL VIDEO SEGMENT!!!

3Q: ...Oh man... that was probably the most SHOCKING moment in FLEX history folks...

ETF: And our next contest... for the FLEX Triple Play Championship! Introducing first... they are from Hollywood, Florida... Brian, Jimmy, and Zach, the BALDWIN BROTHERS!

“Buried in the Box” by Cage hit as the trio who managed to cheat their way to a win over OTAKU and McCloud hit the ring

ETF: And their opponents, the FLEX Triple Play Champions... from Neo Tokyo, The Ultimate Anime Fanboy, And The Only FLEX Wrestler Who Is Over Nine Thousand, OTAKU! From All Capcom Staff, He is also one-half of the DPW Tag Team Champions, The Original Gamer Sam S McCloud, and finally from the Sonny Chiba Prefecture of Japan, A Member of Team FLEX, “Mr. Sushi and Rice” Ozzy DaBoe! They are TEAM MOON GAS 200Y!

“Chuu Chuu Lovely Muni Muni Mura Mura Purin Purin Boron Nurururerorero” by Maximum The Hormone hits as the most popular group in FLEX hit the ring to a HUGE reaction!

Match Three, FLEX Triple Play Championship: Baldwin Bros vs TMG200Y(c)

3Q: Remember folks, the Triple Play Championship is defended under elimination rules.

Jimmy and Ozzy started out, locking up and Jimmy would get the advantage, kicking Ozzy in the sternum and hitting a fireman’s carry then started pulling the purple locks of Ozzy. Ozzy would point to the sky and yell “LOOK OVER THERE!” Jimmy looked up and Ozzy would escape hitting a basement dropkick to Jimmy’s face. Tag to OTAKU who jumped the ropes and delivered a series of martial arts kicks before getting an arm wrench hook kick! OTAKU would POSE and go for the “Shonen Jump” (Standing Moonsault but Jimmy rolled away and tagged Brian. Brian got a keylock which OTAKU would bridge out of, slipping out and hitting a flip senton. Jimmy would argue with the ref that that was, somehow, illegal, and OTAKU would tag to Sam... but the ref didn’t see it! Brian would signal to his youngest brother and Jimmy jumped into the ring as they double teamed OTAKU.

3Q: This is what they do, folks... cheat over and over to make it almost impossible for their opponents to win!

Brian would hoist Jimmy up and Jimmy leaped into the air and hit an Ace Crusher! B3! Jimmy rolled out of the ring and Brian covered... one... two... THREE! Sam S McCloud would enter next... TIGER KNEE! He followed up with a “Triforce Lock” and Brian tapped out!

Jimmy rolled into the ring and hit a jumping knee on Sam S McCloud, throwing him to the ropes and hitting him with a big lariat. He would hold Sam’s hand close to DaBoe who would try to enter the ring... but the referee stopped him! Brian would toss Jimmy a chair, and DaBoe would point to the ref... but Jimmy tossed the chair into Sam’s hands and fell over! Sam was DQed!

Ozzy DaBoe was next in the ring, and Sam would argue with the ref, and Jimmy picked up the chair and tried the same trick... but DaBoe would smack HIMSELF with the chair and go over! Jimmy was confused and go for “Jimmy Crack Skull” (Coconut Crush) but DaBoe would block it and hit a backslide! One, two, three!

3Q: And now we’re down to one on one.... Zach Baldwin is usually just a manager...

Zach would climb to the top rope and go for a crossbody, getting a two count. Zach would jump around and pose, and DaBoe would get up and put his palm up. “STOP... Ozzy Time!” Ozzy would start dancing, and Team Chuu Chuu would enter the ring too... Jimmy and Brian tried to warn Zach but his confusion would lead to a Para Para Plex! One, two, three!

3Q: And everyone’s favorite trio pull it off again! Coming up next is the return of one of our stars that everyone has been waiting to see again. The one and only Spud will face off against Geisha Man of the International House of Pain. Speaking of IHOP, El Toothpick hasn’t been seen as of late since he was beaten down by the Takeda Corp. Apparently he feels that IHOP abandoned him.

ETF: The following contest is scheduled for one fall... introducing first, representing the International House of Pain... from Kyoto, Japan, “The Lovely Flower of Japan”... GEISHA MAN!

“Soko ni Anataga” by Sex Machineguns hit as Geisha Man entered the ring, carrying a parasol and throwing cherry blossom leaves into the crowd.

ETF: And his opponent... from Mullet City, Montana, the man with a stick, SPUD!

“Freebird” by Lynard Skynard hits as Spud would make his way down the ring, carrying his signature twig.

Match Four: Geisha Man vs Spud

Geisha Man would blow a kiss at Spud, who would be confused by the flirting Geisha Man, allowing him to gain the upper hand with an eye rake and snapmare to a headscissors. Spud did a handstand to escape, floating over to a headlock. Geisha Man got to a vertical base but Spud was able to hit him with a bulldog. Spud went for a kneedrop but Geisha Man got away and pulled him to his feet, and getting a testicular claw... the referee would admonish Geisha Man who would turn it to a modified dragon screw!

3Q: Ouch. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Well, maybe my father-in-law.

Geisha Man now roll to the apron and hit a hilo getting a two count. Geisha would then get a cobra twist and take Spud to the canvas for a distrurbing looking submission, but Spud would break the grip and get an armbar. Geisha Man would get to the ropes but Spud would give him a hiptoss and another armbar. Geisha Man would then grope Spud’s leg making the mullet warrior let go of the hold, and Geisha Man would hit the “Obi Smash” (Running Hip attack) and head to the top rope for “Memoirs of a Geisha” (Corkscrew Moonsault) but Spud rolled out of the way! Spud would then pick Geisha Man up and hit the Eye of the Potato (Lifting Final Cut)! One, two, three!

3Q: GREAT bout. And now it can be the end of an era and the beginning of a dark, twisted reign. Jin Yagami Jr will do battle with the insidious leader of the Lost, Mekhet. We have seen what evil depths Mekhet can sink too.

ETF: And now, the MAIN EVENT! This is for the Fighting League Extreme Grand Champion of Intense Combat title... introducing the challenger... he is the leader of the Lost... Mekhet!

“From the Cradle to Enslave (Demon Mix)” by Cradle of Filth hits as the leader of the Lost walks down the ring by himself.

3Q: The other Lost members are banned from ringside so they cannot taint this match.

ETF: And his opponent, the Grand Champion of Intense Combat... from Tokyo, Japan... the GREATEST HERO! JIN YAGAMI JR!

“SID Icarus” by Machinae Supremacy hits as the icon of FLEX heads to the ring with his plastic championship belt.

MAIN EVENT, GRAND CHAMPION OF INTENSE COMBAT TITLE: Mekhet vs Jin Yagami Jr (c)

Mekhet and Jin lock up, and Mekhet managed to push Jin into the ropes... clean break... elbow to the face of Jin followed up by a snapmare takeover and a chinlock! Yagami managed to fight to a vertical base, managed to slip down and get into a drop toehold into a sitting armlock. Mekhet managed to free himself and get a modified crucifix pin for a one count. Back to a vertical base and Mekhet would try to get a suplex but Yagami blocked it and delivered one of his own, going to the ropes but MISSING the elbow, Mekhet getting a grapevine leg lock. Yagami would get to the ropes but Mekhet would drag him back for a leglock, Yagami this time rolled out of it to escape.

3Q: Neither man getting a clear advantage here, Mekhet may indeed be capable of beating Yagami...

Mekhet got and armdrag and a keylock, but Yagami would kick with his feet and flip over to reverse the hold into a floatover for a one count. Mekhet would get a headlock, Yagami shooting him off but getting hit with a lariat. Mekhet would pick Yagami up and throw him to the ropes but is reversed... arm drag by Yagami followed up by a big knee drop! Yagami would lift Mekhet up onto his shoulders... HEROISM BOMB! One, two, no!

3Q: That Heroism Bomb was right on the money! How did Mekhet kick out?

Mekhet would be reeling, and Yagami would hit a pair of body slams before heading to the ropes... BIG lariat! Yagami would signal for it... and he would hit the Legendary Technique of Destiny! ONE, TWO... KICKOUT?!

3Q: No way... NO WAY... nobody EVER kicks out of the Legendary Technique of Destiny!

Yagami would lift Mekhet up for a German Suplex, but Mekhet would elbow out of it and throw Mekhet into the corner, running to the Hero and hitting an avalanche! Hiptoss by Mekhet and measured Jin up.... ENZUIGIRI! One, two, kickout!

3Q: Mekhet’s Enzuigiri kick is deadly, but Jin won’t go down that easily.

Mekhet would head to the top rope for a moonsault to the back of Mekhet, and would HAMMERFIST Yagami over and over until the ref finally forced him to let up... then he picked Jin up for a Schweingatame! Jin started fading.... but the FIGHTING SPIRIT THAT SHINES LIKE A BEACON kicked in! Jin managed to free his legs and escape the hold, to Mekhet’s dismay... Mekhet would go to the ropes for the spinning leg lariat... but Yagami dropped prone! The stunned Mekhet would be easily set up.... Legendary Technique of Destiny! One, two, three!

3Q: HE DID IT! THE GREATEST HERO MANAGED TO OVERCOME THE DEMONIC MEKHET!

Jin would be standing tall now, taking the GCoIC title and holding it in the air, and Mekhet would roll out of the ring and The Lost would arrive to pick up their leader... but Mekhet... was smiling.

3Q: ...That is effin CREEPY. I mean, why is he smiling after losing his chance at the title? Well, that’s our show folks, until next time this is Quentin Q. Quentinstein signing off!

Tonight! We Dine On Turtle Soup! Results

FLEX: Tonight! We Dine On Turtle Soup!
Live at the parking lot of Keiser University at Ft. Lauderdale Florida!

The show opened with Eric T Figurehead in the ring

ETF: Welcome technical arts and medical students to Fighting League EXtreme! Tonight we’ve got a treat for you, we got six great matches and a match with Courage Takeda in it, the main event is for the Grand Champion of Intense Combat title, and what you all REALLY came for, the free hot dogs.

Students: FREE-E HOT-DOGS! *CLAP CLAP CLAPCCLAPCLAP *

ETF: I am commissioner Eric T. Figurehead, and because we can’t pay anyone better to do it I’m also the ring announcer. However, Quentin Q. Quentinstein is here for the free hot dogs, so we have some commentary! More importantly, we got wrestlers! In fact, here comes two of them now. Introducing first, from CBGB’s, she is the current Jersey All Women’s Sports Queen of the Deathmatch and the Princess of Punk, this is Robyn Rotten!

“God Save the Queen” by the Sex Pistols hits as Robyn enters the ring and holds her title in the air.

ETF: And her opponent, from Parties Unknown, this is CrazyTime YUKA!

“Party Party”- Shin Chan English Outro Theme hits as the multicolored masked woman makes her entrance.

Match Zero: Robyn Rotten vs CrazyTime YUKA

Robyn slaps YUKA in the face and elbows her before going for the irish whip, but YUKA reverses and hits a flying lariat and follows up with a standing moonsault for two count. Robyn would get a European uppercut and pokes YUKA’s eye, getting a body slam and working over YUKA’s leg. YUKA would counter with a Japan Roll Leg Clutch for a one count. An incensed Robyn would throw Yuka in the corner and apply a choke, getting admonised by the referee and being opened up for a Roaring Elbow. YUKA attempted the Crazy Driver (Blue Thunder), but Robyn backflipped to her feet, got an arm drag, and applied her “Sid Vicious Special” (Misawa-style facelock) finishing hold. YUKA would get to the ropes, but Robyn would give her a Manhattan drop, a drop toe hold, then applied her “STF My Way” (Cross STF) for another submission attempt, but YUKA again got to the ropes. Robyn would try for a dragon screw, but YUKA hit the enzuigiri and deliver a Crazy Driver for the three count.

3Q: What a great match, and YUKA gets a big win over the main champion of JAWS. Next up is the first official match of two new members of ESPN, Super Jockey and the returning Super Hockey, against another debuting team, Mr. B and Baghead McCoy.

ETF: The following is a tag team match scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, they represent Extreme Sports Power Nexus, first from Churchill Downs please welcome Super Jockey! And his partner, from Zamboni, Alberta, Canada, this is Super Hockey!

“Back in the Saddle Again” by Aerosmith hits as the duo enters, a bit down with the kidnapping of the ESPN co-founder TOUCHDOWN

ETF: And their opponents.... introducing first, from the Supermarket, this is Baghead McCoy! And his partner, from his Helluva Fast Van, he is Mr. B!

“The Original”(Faust’s Theme) by Daisuke Ishiwatari hits as a man in brown short tights, a paper bag (with smiling face in black marker) mask and nothing else comes out, followed by what can only be described as a white Mr. T impersonator.

Match One: Super Hockey and Super Jockey of ESPN vs Baghead McCoy and Mr B

Super Jockey and Baghead McCoy started out, the smaller ESPN member (and smallest man in the ring) using his agility to get the upper hand and get a headscissors and handspring frontflip leg drop. Baghead would thumb the eye and get a snapmare followed by a chinlock, but Super Jockey would get to his feet and try a shawn capture leglock. Baghead tagged out and B stomped on Jockey and threw him into the corner. Hockey made the tag and did a springboard forearm, making B stagger. B would hit a lariat and follow up with a backbreaker, following up with a wheelbarrow facebuster and apply a camel clutch, but Jockey managed to break it. Super Hockey would hit a huge shoulder tackle and go for a pin: One, two, kickout at two. Mr. B tagged out, and Baghead McCoy hit a flying knee to Super Jockey, then hit Super Hockey with a “Bag Lunch” (Danshoku Driver), following up with a “Smiley Face” (Crossface), forcing the ESPN member to tap.

3Q: The rudo tag team picks up the win there... next up is a technico contra technico match... and if Sam S McCloud is listening, no not THAT kind of ‘Contra’.

ETF: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Soda Springs Idaho and weighing in at 33 grams of sugar, this is Grape Juice Jones!

“Junk Food” by Sex Machineguns hits as Grape Juice comes out carrying a super soaker full of grape juice, spraying some of the med students with it.

3Q: I’d make a joke about that, but this is a family show. Wait, it’s not? Oh well... it looks like...

ETF: And his opponent, from the Barnum and Bailey circus by way of the local chapter of the Hell’s Angels, this is Crispy the Homicidal Clown!

“I’m just a Rock and Roll Clown” by Dr. Rockso hits as Crispy comes out with a brand new pair of baggy pants!

Match Two: Grape Juice Jones vs Crispy the Homicidal Clown

The Juicy one and Crispy traded elbows at first, Crispy throwing a right hand and throwing Jones into the ropes, a lariat being ducked and Jones hit a knee clip and followed it up with an elbow drop. Jones would head to the ropes to follow up but Crispy got up and hit a shoulder tackle. Crispy picked up Jones by the head to slam him, adding a stomp to the chest. Jones recovered and hit a kneelkick and sobat, heading to the ropes and coming back with a flying forearm for a two count. Crispy would counter with a backbreaker and a standing leg drop for a two count of his own. Jones would hit a slam of his own and go to the top for a “Juice Mixer”(450 Splash), but Crispy got the knees up. Crispy went for a “Big Top Drop” (F-5) but Jones floated over, and set up for a “Grape Crusher 99” (Ki Krusher) but it was blocked, and Crispy put him in position: Last Ride Powerbomb! He called for the “Alleyoop!” but Jones reversed the Irish whip setup... GRAPE JUICE OF WRATH! (Flapjack Cutter) One, two, three!

ETF: The following is a street fight scheduled...

Eric T. Figurehead's intro would be stopped by the music of "Trans" as none other than Jakob Furis came out from the Keiser University building to the ring, flapping his wings on the way as if he was flying... on the way, however, he crashed into one of the hot dog tables.

Students: THAT'S OUR HOT-DOGS *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLCAPCLAP*

Furis eventually got up and said he "meant to do zat to horrify the fans" and entered the ring.

3Q: What the hell? Jakob Furis is here... we were about to have a grudge match between Slugger and Mekhet... and Furis looks even more out of it than usual, I mean, he didn’t even TURN to that hot dog table, it was RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF HIM for like fifty feet!

Furis: TREMBLE IN VEAR, FLEX, FOR JAKOB FURIS HAS AVVIVED!

Crickets chirped.

Furis: *ahem* I am here for I have learned that zere is a group of so-called vampires who call themselves "The Lost". And zat there leader, Mekhet, believes himself to be a powerful vampire. Nonsense!! I do not appreciate zis arrogance! For I am the only true monster of the wrestling vorld! You so-called "Lost" should follow ME!

Suddenly, "From The Cradle to Enslave" (Demon Mix) by Cradle of Filth played as The Lost entered the ringside area. Mekhet took a good long hard look at Furis... then smiled... then chuckled... then LAUGHED. He had a nice long laugh before taking the mic.

Mekhet: Is this someone's idea of a practical joke? Honestly, Furis, who put you up to this? Do you honestly believe that you are anything more but an insignificant SPECK compared to me? I had lived for thousands of years, I was centuries old when I witnessed Christ's execution. I am the one who has set so many atrocities of the world into motion. Tell me, Furis, what have YOU ever done that was important? You are so insignificant, Furis, that your coming... and the utter decimation that you will suffer if you continue to mock me... was not even mentioned in the Oracle of Alucard. Now get out of my ring, or you will not live to regret it.

Furis: Vhat is this Oracle of Alucard? Evil vampires like me do not listen to this popular music!! Now, you dare challenge the mighty Furis? Vell you shall soon see that doing so was a folly, for no man alive can defeat me!

As soon as Furis said that, The Slugger jumps a nearby fence to the parking lot and makes a dash to the ring with a baseball bat, sliding into the ring and CLOBBERING Furis with it, knocking him out like a light! Slugger then pointed the bat at Mekhet, who smirked and entered the ring to finally begin the grudge match.

Match Three, Street Fight: The Slugger vs Mekhet

3Q: Well here we go, folks. Slugger is the teammate of TOUCHDOWN who The Lost kidnapped at Dance Dance Grand Guitar Brawl, and we have NO IDEA where TOUCHDOWN is, if he’s okay, what they have planned for him...

Slugger swings the bat at Mekhet, who steps aside letting the bat hit the ropes and rebounding to Slugger’s face, Mekhet immediately hitting an Enzuigiri for a two count. Mekhet would get a camel clutch but Slugger would manage to free himself, hitting a forearm and throwing Mekhet into the corner, winding up and chopping him across the chest. Slugger would pick up the bat again but Thorn stopped him with “The Enchantment of the Loa” (Magic Spell) and the referee would kick The Lost out of ringside as Mekhet took advantage with a jumping elbow smash and a leglock. Slugger would break free and grab his bat again, and this time connected with Mekhet, sending Mekhet to the floor, and Slugger headed out with him, smashing Mekhet on the head with the apron. Slugger went to the overturned hot dog table, setting it upright and bringing it closer to the ring, Mekhet recovering and elbowing Slugger in the face, grabbing a kendo stick from under the ring and caning Slugger with it before bringing it over his throat. Slugger elbowed free and headbutted Mekhet, throwing Mekhet onto the table and getting up on it too, setting up for a piledriver, but Mekhet backdropped out of it sending Slugger crashing onto the floor. Mekhet rolled Slugger back into the ring and grabbed a chain from under the ring, following into the ring and wrapping the chain against Slugger’s throat.

Mekhet pulled Slugger up and tried to run him over the ropes but Slugger blocked it and and elbowed Mekhet off and set up for a Yokosuka Cutter, but Mekhet landed on his feet and hit another Enzuigiri knocking Slugger down again. Mekhet would head to the floor and set the table against the apron, however Slugger got up, smashed Mekhet over the back of the head with the bat, and rolled Mekhet back in the ring. Slugger went too, and hit a Yokosuka Cutter, following up with his finishing Baseball Slide kicking Mekhet onto the table. He went to the top rope but Thorn appeared again at ringside against the ref’s orders, using the “Enchantment of the Loa” to keep him from leaping off. The referee would go to Thorn to admonish him and doesn’t see WENDIGO and Nachtzehrer heading into the ring from the other side, WENDIGO grabbing Slugger’s leg as Mekhet got off the table, then Nachtzehrer shoved him off the top rope and THROUGH the table! The two of them unceremonously tossed Slugger back into the ring and fled, and Thorn would withdraw, the referee none the wiser!

3Q: I don’t believe it! Mekhet’s Lost managed to outwit the referee, and this looks to be over...

Sure enough, a Spinning Leg Lariat later, and a three count would end this fight. Mekhet stands up, smirks at Furis (who is STILL unconsious after the bat to the face, and is carried out of the ring by two med students) and leaves to a chorus of jeers.

3Q: What will it take to stop these evil men from wrecking havoc on FLEX? And more importantly, why did they kidnap TOUCHDOWN? Are they holding him for ransom to gain a chance at the Grand Champion of Intense Combat Title perhaps?

ETF: The following contest is a tag team attraction. Introducing first, representing Team Moon Gas 200Y, first from All Capcom Staff, the Original Gamer, Sam S McCloud! And his tag team partner, from Neo Tokyo, OTAKU!

“Chu Chu Lovely Muni Muni Mura Mura Purin Purin Boron Nurururerorero” by Maximum The Hormone hits as two-thirds of the Triple Play champions come out, Sam dressed as Izzy Sparks from Guitar Hero and OTAKU as Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon

3Q: What the...

ETF: And their opponents... from Hollywood, Florida, accompanied to the ring by their middle brother Zach, Brian and Jimmy, the Baldwin Brothers!

“Buried In The Box” by Cage hits as the trio enters, Jimmy and Brian wearing blue and white singlets with Zach wearing all-white casual clothes.

Match Four: TMG200Y vs Baldwin Brothers

Sam and Jimmy started out first, both man locking up and Jimmy stomping on the foot of Sam, getting an arm wrench and a hammerlock, transitioning to a headlock and thumbing him in the eye. The referee admonished Jimmy who was stepping on Sam’s foot to prevent a tag.

3Q: Brian is the oldest and the leader of the group, Zach is the middle brother and the brains, Jimmy is the youngest and the dirtiest fighter of the three Baldwins. Brian and Jimmy were GPW Tag Team champions for over a year until they lost to their longtime rivals Los Extremos.

Jimmy got a leglock applied and tagged in Brian, who elbow dropped Sam in the back of the head and went for the cover. One, two, kickout. Jimmy would assist Brian with a double backdrop and roll out of the ring, Brian getting another two count. Brian would then go for a sleeper hold. Sam managed to recover and throw Brian to the ropes... TIGER KNEE! He went to tag OTAKU... but Zach distracted the referee! He pointed to OTAKU who protested saying he tagged legally, Brian clapped real hard and Jimmy entered the ring, hoisting Sam in the air as Brian hit a cutter! B-3! Cover, one, two, kickout at two. Jimmy tagged Brian back in, and the two of them threw Sam into the ropes and hit a double lariat. Brian would set up for a superkick, but Sam blocked it and hit an “Instant Hell Murder” (53 Sai) and got the tag to OTAKU! OTAKU leaped on the top rope and pulled a rose out of his tuxedo pocket. He threw the rose at Brian and yelled “Just call me OTAKU Mask!” before hitting a huge flying sidekick for a two count.

Brian would be thrown to the ropes and Jimmy would get a blind tag, OTAKU hitting a sobat, followed up by the “Slashfic Special” (Syxx Factor to an Onryo Clutch), but Jimmy wouldn’t have to worry about a break, stomping on the canvas... and OTAKU ate a Superkick! Brian faked stepping into the ring and Sam put his leg through the ropes too, Brian pointing at Sam which made the ref pay attention to Sam as Brian entered the ring and put OTAKU on his shoulders, Jimmy got on the top... BALDWIN DEVICE! (Doomsday Crossbody) One, two, kickout. OTAKU recovered, wrenched Jimmy’s arm and went for a hook kick but Brian yanked at the ropes making OTAKU slip as he went to the top for “Black Magic M-66”. Jimmy would then hit the “Jimmy Crack Skull” (Coconut Crush) while Zach grabbed onto Sam’s leg and Jimmy would score a pinfall.

3Q: THOSE DAMN BALDWIN BROTHERS MANAGED TO STEAL A WIN! Coming up next is something stemming from Dance Dance Grand Guitar Brawl, El Toothpick is going to do battle with Courage Takeda.

ETF: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first representing the International House of Pain, he is from Tijuana Mexico, El Toothpick!

“La Bamba” by Los Lobos hits as the seven foot luchador enters the ring

ETF: And his opponent, representing the Takeda Corporation and hailing from Tokyo Japan, this is Courage Takeda!

“Dethharmonic” by Dethklok hits as Courage is being dragged to the ring by Takeda-sama and Akira Yamazaki

Match Five: El Toothpick vs Courage Takeda

El Toothpick locks up with Courage and gets a headlock, then backed off yelling “El se mojo!”

3Q: The fuck? Did he just say “He is wet”... EWWW!!!!

El Toothpick hit a flying knee on Courage then scooped and slammed him, following up with a knee drop. He then lifted Courage to his feet and hit the Toothchipper. One, two, three.

3Q: And in record time El Toothpick puts away Courage Takeda!

El Toothpick would celebrate, but Takeda-sama entered the ring, kicked him in the midsection... HOSTILE TAKEOVER! (Blade Kick) he and Akira Yamazaki attacked El Toothpick brutally with stomps!

3Q: Wait a second, where is IHOP? Why aren’t they helping out here?

ETF: And now it’s time for the main event... for the Grand Champion of Intense Combat title! Introducing first, from Beelzulbub, Florida, he is Satanic Role Model to Kids Everywhere, Andy Cryst!

“Sympathy for the Devil/Skeleton Christ” by Tiamat/Slayer hit as the challenger entered the ring.

ETF: And his opponent, the Grand Champion of Intense Combat, from Tokyo Japan, he is the Greatest Hero, Jin Yagami Jr!

“Sid Icarus” by Machinae Supremacy hit to singal the coming of the champion... most people had left since the hot dogs were all gone, but three guys still remained!

Three guys: JIN’S-OUR-RIDE-HOME! *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*

Main Event, Grand Champion Of Intense Combat: Andy Cryst vs Jin Yagami Jr(c)

Jin and Andy locked up in the center of the ring, Andy getting a pair of hiptosses and a drop toehold, Jin recovering and getting a chop followed by a headlock takedown and chinlock. Andy would then be put in an armdrag followed by a keylock armbar, Andy bridging out and getting a back mount and a camel clutch. Jin got to the ropes and Andy pulled him up. Irish whip by Andy reversed, Jin getting a drop to hold and applying an STF, and Andy got to the ropes. Andy went for a kick to set up the “Six Six Stunner” but Jin caught it and used it for a dragon screw and a leg lock. Andy rolled out of it and hit a lariat, following up with a flying knee drop and a standing moonsault for a two count.

Jin would get a snapmare and chinlock neck, Andy getting to his feet and getting a go-behind, yelling “EVERYONE LOVES A SLINKY!” and hitting a German Suplex! He rolled over Jin back to his feet Super Delphin style, but Jin elbowed out and countered with a Blue Thunder Driver! One, two, kickout. Andy would hit the Six Six Stunner, but THE FIGHTING SPIRIT THAT SHINES LIKE A BEACON kicked in! Jin would duck a Hellfire Attack #666 and nail Andy with a lariat, and follow up with the Legendary Technique of Destiny (Lifting Sitout Pedigree) for the win!

ETF: THE GREATEST HERO RETAINS THE TITLE! WHAT A MATCH!

Andy and Jin would face each other and shake hands, then “From the Cradle to Enslave (Demon Version)” hit for the second time tonight as the leader of The Lost headed to the ring.

Mekhet: Yagami... with your defeating Mr. Cryst, I believe that would make me the rightful number one contender.

The commissioner took a microphone

ETF: Let TOUCHDOWN go and you’ll get your title match.

Mekhet: Out of the question, but how about instead... I let Slugger go...

He pointed to the lighting scaffold set up next to the second floor of the campus building, where Slugger is tied up by Nachtzehrer and WENDIGO

ETF: OKAY OKAY! Untie him and you got a deal... you’ll get him at our next show.

Mekhet: That is... acceptable.

Nachtzehrer frees Slugger, then THROWS HIM THROUGH THE WINDOW into the building!

ETF: HOLY SHIT! Overkill much?

Mekhet: Would you rather me have them let him go over the scaffold?

ETF: ...Point. Now, where is TOUCHDOWN and what have you done with him?

Mekhet: It is not time to reveal that now, Mr. Figurehead. But soon the stellar alignments will allow me to do what has been foretold... and then all shall become clear to you.

ETF: Fine. I have one more title match to book too... Baldwin Brothers, you three will face off against Team Moon Gas 200Y for the Triple Play titles! Until then folks, good night, and I hope you don’t get indigestion from eating too many overcooked hot dogs.

DANCE DANCE GRAND GUITAR BRAWL RESULTS

DANCE DANCE GRAND GUITAR BRAWL
Live at the parking lot of the Pizza Hut/Taco Bell near the Sawgrass Mills Mall!

Eric T. Figurehead: "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Fighting League EXtreme Dance Dance Grand Guitar Brawl! We have seven great matchups for you tonight, as well as TWO eight-man tag team matches, as well as a big announcement that will be... right after this first match! I am the FLEX Commissioner as you all know, and because of our budget... well, more accurately, that we don’t have one, I am also your ring announcer. Luckily for us, Quentin Q. Quentinstein is willing to work for a personal pizza!"

Crowd: PER-SON-AL-PIZ-ZA! *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*

ETF: So without further Apu, our first match... she hails from The Toy Chest, the plastic protector of freedom, ARMY WOMAN!

"War (What is it Good For)" hits as a female green army figurine come to life marches to the ring.

ETF: And her opponent, she hails from Shinjuku, Japan.... the Ninja of Shinjuku, SHIZUKI-MARU!

"I am Impact!" plays as Shizuki-Maru enters the ring in her red jumpsuit and three-foot-long white headband

Match Zero: Army Woman vs Shizuki-Maru

Shizuki-Maru and Army Woman lock up in the middle of the ring, and Shizuki gets a hiptoss followed by a kneedrop. Army Woman recovers, elbowing Shizuki twice before hitting a running forearm in the corner. Shizuki would try to get on Army Woman’s shoulders for a "Shizuki Shadow Clutch" (Momoe*Latch), but Shizuki would get powerbombed. Shizuki kipped up and tried a spinkick, flooring Army Woman. She went for the "Maru-Chan Shimp Driver" (Asai DDT) but Army Woman delivered a backdrop, following up with an "Air Strike!" (flying fist drop) after this, Army Woman hit a DDT and floated over to the WAR Special! Shizuki struggled, but she couldn’t escape and eventually was forced to submit!

3Q: And now Eric T. Figurehead is talking to Army Woman...

ETF: Congratulations, Army Woman. This match was more than just for bragging rights, see, coming soon, we will have a joint show with Los Angeles Woman’s Lucha! That’s right, FLEX vs LAWL: Mark of the MiLAWLnium! And this match was to determine who will represent us in the first match in this historical event! Congratulations!

Army Woman SALUTES then leaves the ring so we can get to our next match.

ETF: Our next context is scheduled for one fall... introducing first, from Jellystone Forest, representing The Three Bears and accompanied by Big Bear and The Great Bearta, He’s Too Hot! He’s Too Cold! He’s JUST RIGHT! CURRY BEAR!

"Teddy Bear Picnic" plays as the trio of bears goes down to the ring, Curry Bear, who is dressed like Curry Man, enters the ring and starts dancing

ETF: And his opponent, from Grad School, Joey The Intern!

"Rock and Roll All Night" by Kiss plays as Joey, wearing a shortsleeve shirt under a longsleeve shirt under a shortsleeve shirt, enters the ring.

Match One: Curry Bear vs Joey The Intern

Joey would throw kicks at Curry Bear, who would respond with a punch followed by a Sobat! Joey went down and Curry Bear would deliver a suplex and a leg drop, dancing a bit before slamming Joey down for a Hollywood Star Press and a two count. Joey hit some elbows and whipped Curry Bear to the ropes for a flying lariat, climbing to the top rope but Curry Bear would throw him off and climb up for a flying headbutt. A "Beary Drop" later and the match would be over.

3Q: And in no time at all Curry Bear defeats Joey The Intern. Coming up next, a debut match for the man known as Saiba Punk.

ETF: Our next contest... introducing first, from the year 2084, he is Saiba Punk!

"Inch’Allah" by Samael hits as the lights installed on the roof go low, and Saiba Punk would walk down in his glow-in-the-dark-and-blue jumsuit.

ETF: And his opponent, from Her Majesty’s Secret Service, the world’s great superspy, Secret Agent Mann!

"Live and Let Die" hits as Secret Agent Mann arrives in a super-fancy Bentley... and a guy chasing after him yelling "HEY THATS MY CAR!"

CROWD: FEL-ON-Y CAR THEFT! *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*

Match Two: Saiba Punk vs Secret Agent Mann

Saiba would start this match with a drop toe hold floated over into a headlock, Mann countering by standing to his feet, slipping out of the headlock and rolling Saiba for a one count. Saiba would get to his feet and go for a hiptoss, but it was blocked into a flash rollup for a two count. Mann would to go the top rope and deliver a cross body, following that up with a standing senton splash. Saiba would get pulled up and whipped to the ropes, but! Saiba caught his leapfrog for a powerbomb! Saiba would go to the top for the "I Hate You Virus" (Phoenix Splash) but the knees are up. Secret Agent Mann would put the jetpack on and go for the "Moonrakersault" but the knees were up too.

3Q: Both men are taking the time to recover from those high-risk moves.

Saiba gets back to his feet first, but Mann gets his wits back first, Mann setting up for the "Shaken Not Stirred", but Mann blocks it, grabbing the arms of the superspy, hitting him with a Gory Bomb! He then pulled Mann up to his feet and hit the "Blue Screen of Death" (Complete Shot)! One, two, three!

3Q: What a counter! And it’s all over, folks.

ETF: The next contest is a tag team battle scheduled for one fall... introducing first... from A Happy Place, this is
YES! and his tag team partner from Soda Springs Idaho, Grape Juice Jones!

"The Metal" by Tenacious D hit as YES! and GJJ enter the ring

ETF: And their opponents... from A Cold Day In Hell, The Coolest Wrestler in FLEX, -10*C! And his tag team partner, from Somewhere Over The Rainbow, this is The Rabid Elf!

"Cold As Ice" by Foreigner plays as the rudo duo enters.

Match Three: YES! and Grape Juice Jones vs -10*C and The Rabid Elf

GJJ and -10 started things out and Jones put the icy one in a headlock, taking him over and transitioning to a chinlock. -10 fought to his feet and got behind him in a hammerlock before transitioning to a headlock and takedown of his own, working him over in that. Jones would get to a vertical base, shooting him off to the ropes and hitting a Sobat and a Euro uppercut for a chance at the tag. YES! jumped the ropes, landing on the second rope of the opposite side of the corner, rebounding off for an elbow drop for a nice crowd reaction and a two count. -10 tags to The Rabid Elf, who rushes in with a running elbow to the masked face of YES! and a flying knee to the chin of Jones! Elf then climbs to the top rope for a moonsault!

3Q: What a move by The Rabid Elf! Irish eyes are smiling after that one.

Elf whipped YES! to the ropes and delivered an arm drag takeover, then started BITING the forehead of YES! Jones broke it up, but this distracted the referee... and Rabid Elf kicked YES! right in the lucky charms! The ref turns around as the elf sets up for the "Snap Crackle Pop" (Gory Neckbreaker), but YES! would break the fingers of the elf and roll him up for a sunset flip for a two count. Tag to -10*C and he went to powerbomb YES! who escaped, hit a release Tiger Driver, then locked in the "Positive Reinforcement" (Texas Clover Hold) until the Elf came in... "IRISH SPRING!" (poison mist) -10*C would get a Drop Toe Hold, but Grape Juice would enter the ring, hit the "Grape Crusher ‘99" and roll out. YES! would finally recover to hit the "Affirmative Action" (Shotgun) for the three count.

3Q: And a great ending to that bout as YES! pulls off the victory.

ETF: Our next contest, scheduled for one fall, is an eight-man tag team match, and whoever gets the pinall is getting a title shot against Jin Yagami Jr! Introducing first... Kung-Fu-Man Chu, Geisha Man, Milo Falcone and El Toothpick, the International House of Pain!

"Kung Fu Fighting" played as IHOP didn’t really have a theme.

ETF: And their opponents, Takeda-sama, Courage Takeda, and Akira Yamazaki, they are the Takeda Corporation! And their partner, from his used auto dealer, this is the EVIL used car salesman, Crazy Harry!

"Dethharmonic" by Dethklok plays as the foursome heads down the ramp (With Takeda-sama and Yamazaki DRAGGING Courage Takeda to the ring)

Match Four: IHOP vs Takeda Corp & Crazy Harry

Geisha Man and Yamazaki start out, Yamazaki hitting Geisha Man in the midsection with a kick, who would respond with turning his buttocks in the direction of the kicking leg and winking at Yamazaki... who would ROUNDHOUSE Geisha Man in the face before tagging to Crazy Harry, who was like "HELL NO" and tagged out to Takeda-sama. Takeda grabbed Geisha Man by the nose and kneed him in the stomach, giving him a snapmare takeover, but Giesha Man was able to tag in Milo Falcone. Milo elbowed Takeda in the face, bit his thumb at the CEO, and did a Roaring Slap!

3Q: This is looking to be a good one so far.

Tag to Crazy Harry, who dropkicked Milo in the sternum and delivered a drop toe hold, Milo then grabbing him by the collar and yelling "HEY! YOU WANNA PAY DOUBLE YA PROTECTION CHUMP!" and with that, Harry immediately tagged out to Akira Yamazaki, who only answered to the Takedas. He kneed Milo and followed up with a vicious elbow, spinning him around for an attempt at the "Bamboo Breaker Choke" but Milo fought out, went behind him, and tried a "Speakeasy Stretch" (Double arm stretch) but Yamazaki managed to fight him off.

Tag to Kung-Fu-Man-Chu who delivered a flurry of kicks to Yamazaki who tagged out to Crazy Harry, who would get hit with a Penalty Kick for a nearfall, followed by a Chop Su Wi (Chop against a running opponent) for a pin broken by Akira Yamazaki. KFMC whiffed a roundhouse and Crazy Harry tried a "Hook Line and Sinker" for a nearfall, and tried a "Sticker Shock" but KFMC took the backdoor and tagged El Toothpick, who hit "The World's Tallest Rana", forcing a Courage Takeda tag! Courage would head for the hills, but all THREE of his teammates pulled him back in the ring. El Toothpick suplexed and Musoued Courage, then delivered a "Toothchipper" (Pedigree) to Takeda-sama! Akira defended his boss, but also took a Toothchipper! Crazy Harry went to distract El Toothpick with his fantastic deals, but before he could pull out the pamphlet, kick, Toothchipper! Courage watched the Toothchippings and knew he was next, and slid out of the ring and all the way to Sawgrass Mills Mall for the countout!

3Q: It's over folks! El Toothpick winning the contendership with authority and a half...

ETF: Here are your winners, the INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF PAIN! And the NEW number one contender...

Suddenly, ETF is cut off by, of all things, Tiamat's cover of "Sympathy For the Devil". ETF and IHOP are understandably vexed, and after the "Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name" the music was cut off by the familiar yell of "HAIL SATAN!" followed by "Skeleton Christ" by Slayer!

3Q: NO WAY! IT'S EL DIABOLO ESTUPIDO! NOBODY HAS SEEN HIM SINCE HE LOST HIS MASK BACK IN MEXICO!

And who would come out but a man with red hair, black facepaint, and a white cutoff shirt with an upside-down pentagram on it. He entered the ring, and ETF stopped him as he approached the massive El Toothpick

ETF: Woah, woah... I don't know what you're doing here... but I was about to name El Toothpick number one contender.

EDE?: First of all... I'm no longer Diabolo Estupido. You can call me Andy Cryst now. But fear not, I'm still preaching the good word of Satan to all you impressonable kids out there! Second of all, Eric, you clearly said the man who got the PINFALL would be the top contender. Not the guy who got a countout. So tell you what... I'll take Courage's place and we restart this match.

ETF: Sounds okay by me...

As soon as he said that, Andy kicked El Toothpick and while he was doubled over, hit a stunner! The bell was rung and the referee counted to three before any of the other six wrestlers realized what happened!

ETF: Um, your winner in a Diesel-esque fashion, and the new number one contender, ANDY CRYST!

3Q: Well that was definately one of the most shocking moments in FLEX' history. The two top heroes of FLEX will be duking it out in a battle of the ages!

ETF: Well our next contest is scheduled for one fall... introducing first, from All Capcom Staff, he is one-third of the FLEX Triple Play Champions Team Moon Gas 200Y, and he is also the ORIGINAL GAMER, Sam S McCloud!

"Player One" by Machinae Supremacy hit as McCloud entered the ring, reading a copy of the "FLEX PLAYERS GUIDE (PS3 Edition)"

ETF: And his opponent from Orlando Florida, this is Zeke The Luchacat!

"Cat Scratch Fever" by Ted Nugent hit as the costumed Zeke heads to the ring.

Match Five: Sam S McCloud vs Zeke The Luchacat

Sam and Zeke lock horns for a moment, Zeke thumbing Sam in the eye and following up with a kick and a scoop slam. Sam rolled to his feet and dropkicked Zeke, kneeing him in the gut and hitting the "Apeture Science" (Sunset Flip Bomb) for a two count, Zeke rolling to his feet and attemping a "Shining Hairball" (Shining Enzuigiri) but Sam ducked and delivered a flip senton and hiptoss. Zeke would headbutt him and hit the "Cat Scratch Fever" (Garvin Stomp) and a "Cat's In The Cradle With The Silver Spoon" (Rolling Cradle) for a two count. Sam would hit the "Instant Hell Murder" for a nearfall, then a Reppuken and a "Tiger Knee!" (Flying Knee to the face). A second "Tiger Knee!" was blocked, and Zeke would choke Sam! The referee would admonish Zeke, who threw the referee in the way of a flying shoulder by Sam! Zeke would get a chair and DECK Sam S McCloud with it, kicking it away... one, two, NO! Sam would kick out! A second "Shining Hairball" attempt would be ducked, and Sam would hit the "100 Mega Shock!" (Kudome Valentime) One! Two! Three!

3Q: And he puts The Luchacat down with no time at all. And now the main event, folks, the big eight-man tag...

The Lost are already heading to the ring, carrying a beaten and blooded TOUCHDOWN and Slugger with them, slamming Slugger's head into the ringpost, rolling Touchdown into the middle of the ring and ripping open his shirt, Thorn making a symbol in a red substance on TOUCHDOWN's chest again. Jin Yagami Jr and Crispy the Homicidal Clown head to the ring, slugging it out with WENDIGO and Nachtzehrer. Thorn and Mekhet carried TOUCHDOWN out of the ring and into the back of a black van, locking the doors with a chain, then joined their unholy bretheren in combat. Slugger was unconsious and unable to continue, so it seemed like the technico's were down 4-2 when order was finally restored...

3Q: This is absolute chaos folks... wait a second!

"Back In The Saddle" by Aerosmith hit as Super Hockey made his return to FLEX, and alongside him a short masked man wearing a jockey outfit! Looks like we got it all evened up after all!

MAIN EVENT: The Lost vs Jin Yagami Jr, Crispy The Homicidal Clown, Super Hockey, and some jockey guy

This was UGLY and fast as all eight men rushed into the ring, the referee having no control over it. And the action was so chaotic that it was impossible to give a play by play! The madness broke down to Mekhet and Yagami in the ring as the other Technicos and The Lost brawled on the floor and into the "stands" even! Mekhet would attempt a Scheiwngatame but Jin used his wits to escape, but Mekhet started BITING into his mask! Jin covered his face to make sure his mask wasn't torn, and that lead him wide open to an Enzuigiri! Cover, two, kickout. The Greatest Hero would get a drop toe hold and Indian Death Lock, meanwhile Super Hockey tried to break the chain but Thorn used his "Enchantment of the Loa" (Magic Spell) to stop him! Crispy would try to hit a "Big Top Drop" on WENDIGO who escaped just in time! The Jockey Guy would get hammered by a vicious right hand by Nachtzehrer!

Back to the ring, Mekhet escaped the deathlock and applied an armbar to the hero who rolled to his feet, a hiptoss going to the STF, though Mekhet would escape, head to the ropes, SPINNING LEG LARIAT! THIS WAS IT! ONE TWO....

THE FIGHTING SPIRIT THAT SHINES LIKE A BEACON kicked in! Jin kicked out at 2.999, and elbowed Mekhet and hit a complete shot and a release German! Jin then called for the Legendary Technique of Destiny, but WENDIGO, who had just floored Crispy with a chair, entered the ring and cutt Jin off, hitting the Cannibal Cutter! Mekhet would use this to his advantage, another Spinning Leg Lariat! Super Hockey headed to the ring after smashing Thorn's head into the van door, and Yagami rolled out of the ring. The Jockey would look over to the Greatest Hero, leaving him open to a Nachtzehrer powerbomb onto the floor! The three Lost members pounded on Super Hockey, WENDIGO and Mekhet hoisting him up on their shoulders as the 280-pound Nachtzehrer headed to the top rope... DOOMSDAY CROSSBODY! Mekhet gets the cover: One, two, three!

Thorn recovered at this point, unlocking the van and WENDIGO and Nachtzehrer getting into the back. Thorn would then shut the doors and ride shotgun as Mekhet drove off.

3Q: That was a very ugly brawl folks... Pier 6 looks like a windmill slapfight compared to what we just witnessed. Slugger's still out.... Crispy's out... whoever that jockey is out.... Super Hockey's out... even The Greatest Hero is out.... and now TOUCHDOWN is in the hands of those vile monsters.... a dark day indeed for Fighting League EXtreme.

FLEX: Debbie Does a Night In A Cup

FLEX has returned to somewhat telivised TV! Due to several shows off the radar, championships have changed, and the roster has expanded and shuffled a bit. ENJOY!

FLEX Presents: DEBBIE DOES A NIGHT IN A CUP

The show begins with commissioner Eric T. Figurehead in the ring.

ETF: Welcome to the triumphant return to Fighting League EXtreme! We are here LIVE at the only venue we could afford, Multi-Purpose Room C at the Miami Beach Convention Center... WITH A DRY ERASE BOARD!

ALL 20 FANS: DRY E-RASE BOARD! -CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP-

ETF: Now, not only am I the commissioner of FLEX, but due to our budget... or lack thereof, I am also a ring announcer. Luckily we DO have a commentator, Quentin Q. Quentinstein, and more importantly we have wrestlers! Speaking of whom, allow me to introduce to you tonight our first two athletes in a last-minuite addition to the card... this is a women’s match, scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Shinjuku, Japan, SHIZUKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII MARU!

“DASH DASH DASH!” (AKA “I Am Impact!” from Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon) plays as Shizuki Maru comes out wearing a red ninja jumpsuit and a three-foot long white bandana.

ETF: And her opponent, from Isla Nublar, this is... LIZ!

“Snakes” by Six Feet Under plays as Liz crawls to the ring on all fours, wearing a green singlet and Hayabusa style mask.

MATCH ZERO- WOMENS EXHIBITION- SHIZUKI MARU VS LIZ

Shizuki fires a pair of low kicks to Liz, who blocks them with her arm as she crawls around the ring. Eventually Shizuki has enough and goes for a Magistral but Liz trips her up and puts her in a leglock, Shizuki quickly getting to the ropes. Liz would bounce off the ropes and Shizuki would get dropkicked in the face as she got up, rolling under the ring. Liz, unaware that Shizuki wasn’t there, simply waited... and Shizuki would slide into the ring behind Liz, tap her on the shoulder, and deliver a spinkick to the face. Shizuki delivered a rebound asai for a two count then Shizuki would pick Liz up and deliver the “Maru-chan Shrimp Driver Technique” (Asai DDT into Gedo Clutch) for another two count. Liz would eat some kicks from Shizuki and MISTED her in the eyes, immediately going for a submision with an Anaconda Vice, but Shizuki had a trick of her own... a SMOKE BOMB! The smoke cleared.... and Shizuki was still in the hold. Eventually she did get to the ropes, and Liz would pull Shizuki up and onto her shoulders for “E-Reptile Dysfunction” (Electric Chair Drop), then went to the corner for her “Shining Lizard” finisher, but Shizuki would block it! Shizuki hit a flying kneelkick then went to the top rope for her finisher, a corkscrew plancha called “DO A BARREL ROLL!”, and would get the three count.

3Q: What a nice exhibition by these two women. While they aren’t bound to FLEX, we’d be happy to bring them back that’s for sure!

ETF: Our first official match is a singles bout scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Underneath the Ladder, Eric The Klutz!

“Story of My Life” by Social Distortion plays as Eric comes out wearing a pink T-shirt and blue shorts, nearly falling on his face after tripping over a wire.

3Q: For those who don’t know, Eric’s shirt was originally white, but he took it to a laundromat and accidentally put it with a red pair of boxers... and there we go.

ETF: And his opponent, from Parts Somewhat Known, he is GIANT LOUIE!

“Louie Louie” by Motorhead would play as Giant Louie would come down... standing at only about 6’, but pretty stocky with a big gut to him.

MATCH ONE: ERIC THE KLUTZ VS GIANT LOUIE

Eric and Louie exchanged chops at first, and Louie would eventually hit a scoop and a slam before going to the corner to take a rest. This allowed Eric to set up for a Space Ro... no he slipped and fall on his back. Louie would stomp on him a couple times and pick him up for a DDT, Eric coming back to hit Louie with a lariat... Louie didn’t budge, and Eric tripped over his own feet and fell over, going up and hitting ANOTHER lariat, knocking Louie around but Eric stumbled over his own feet, grabbing onto the ropes to stay upright. Eric then yelled out “DROPKICK TIME!” and waited for Giant Louie to get to his feet before charging... and his dropkick would miss by a foot. Louie would go to the ropes for “Pancake Time!” (Running Hip Drop) but Eric would roll away. He went to the corner to set for a Shining Wizard, but he would miss Louie’s head. However, he whipped his leg back, hitting Louie in the back of the head, and went for the cover after the “Miracle Whip”. One, two, three!

3Q: Well that was about as pretty as a car crash, but a win is a win is a win.

ETF: And now, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the Fighting League EXtreme Triple Play championship titles. And according to FLEX rules, this match is an ELIMINATION tag match. Introducing first, from Stanford, CT, “Stone Bald” Steve Houston, “Bollywood” Bulk Rogan, the PANDA TEAM! And their partner, he is drug-filled, alcohol-filled, and cooler than you, XS Metal!

“DDAMM” by Slayer would play as the trio would come down the ring. XS Metal would be none other than DPW color man Xander Starr dressed as a certain popular wrestler... and threw up the X!

ETF: And their opponents, the champions... from All Capcom Staff, the Original Gamer Sam S. McCloud. From Neo Olde Tokyo, the Ultimate Anime Fanboy OTAKU, and from the Sonny Chiba District of Japan, “Mr. Sushi and Rice” Ozzy DaBoe, TEAM MOON GAS 200 YEN!

“Chuu Chuu Lovely Muni Muni Mura Mura Purin Purin Boron Nurururerorero” by Maximum The Hormone played as the champs would come down with their cardboard belts that, if they won tonight, would come with them TO THE MOON of all places at the next UBL show!

MATCH TWO- TRIPLE PLAY TITLE MATCH: PANDA TEAM & XS METAL VS TEAM MOON GAS 200Y

OTAKU and Houston would start at it, brawling until Houston got the upper hand, but OTAKU would grab his arm, twist it, and kick Houston in the face before tagging in Sam, who delivered an open handed uppercut yelling “REPPUKEN!” and sent Houston back to the ropes, Sam would then follow up with the “Hundred Hand Slap” until the ref pulled Sam off, allowing Rogan to tag in and nail some punches to the Original Gamer, who blocked an Axe Bomber and delivered a Contra Code! One, two, kickout at two. Tag to OTAKU, who got on the top rope and hit “Black Magic M-66”(Corkscrew SSP) for a sudden three count!

Houston would enter the ring next, OTAKU getting decked with a lariat and a powerbomb, but blocked a kick setup to a Stunner with a Dragon Screw, then delivered a “Shonen Jump” standing moonsault for a two count. He would set up next for a “Ghost In The Shell” (Ebisu Otoshi) but Houston escaped, and as soon as OTAKU turned around... Stunner! One, two, three. Houston would call for a beer and try to celebrate, not realizing the match wasn’t even really over, allowing Sam to set him up from behind for “The 100 Mega Shock!” (Kudome Valentine) to leave the rudo team to one member.

XS Metal would now enter the ring, delivering a series of dropkicks, arm drags, and drop toe holds, throwing up the X every time he delivered a move. It wasn’t long until Sam was put in the Go 2 Bed for a three count.

Ozzy DaBoe would enter the ring now, and XS would deliver a release rana and rolling senton splash, throwing up an X. DaBoe would do Y, an M, a C, then an A, then a backslide for a two count, but as XS got to his knees Ozzy sprung up to hit the “Shining Noun!” (Shining Gamengiri). Ozzy would lift him into an Urange slam position for “O RLY” (Urange to spinebuster), but XS elbowed out, kicked him in the stomach, and set up for the “Absinthe Plunge” but Ozzy would backdrop would of it... then two Japanese schoolgirls slide out from under the ring and started to dance with DaBoe! XS got up and was immediately hit with the ParaParaPlex! One, two, three.

3Q: And the champions manage to retain! And that was only the first title match because later tonight Secret Agent Mann, who won top contendership in a special exhibition at the last Demolition Pro Wrestling show, gets to face off against “The Greatest Hero” Jin Yagami Jr for the title. But that’s later on, let’s get back to the action.

ETF: Ladies and gentlemen our next match is a singles bout scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Crazy Harry’s Used Subaru Lot, this is the EVIL used car salesman, CRAZY HARRY!

“Breifcase Full Of Guts” by Dethklok plays as Crazy Harry comes out, wearing a tacky suit and bowtie.

ETF: And his opponent... he hails from Soda Springs, Idaho, and has 32 grams of sugar, he is GRAPE JUICE JONES!

“Junk Food” by Sex Machineguns hits as Grape Juice Jones come out in a purple suit with mariachi-style sleeves, a purple mask, and a bowler hat.

MATCH THREE: CRAZY HARRY VS GRAPE JUICE JONES

Crazy Harry would offer a handshake, and Grape Juice would accept but would get sucker punched and whipped into the corner for a jumping knee strike, followed by a snapmare and a chinclock. Jones would slip out of the hold and deliver a body slam, setting up for windup punch but would get thumbed in the eye. Harry would trip Jones and stomp on him, going to the ropes for a knee drop but Jones would get to his feet and hit a dropkick. Jones would throw Harry into the ropes and would signal for “The Grape Juice of Wrath”(Press Slam into Cutter) but Harry would block it with an elbow smash, followed by the “Hook Line and Sinker” (Fisherman Suplex) for a nearfall. Harry did a crossbody but Jones would roll through and attempt a “Grape Crusher ‘99”, but Harry would roll into a small package for a nearfall. Harry would then talk to the referee about a fantastic brand new pre-owned sedan. He gave the ref some brochures and the ref was too busy to look at them to see Jones hit the Grape Juice of Wrath and cover for at least a three. Grape Juice talked to the referee, who showed him the brochure, and would be too awed by those FANTASTIC deals to notice Harry hitting him with a chair! Harry then hit the Sticker Shock (Michunoku Driver) for the three count!

3Q: What a cheap victory for Crazy Harry! Speaking of cheap, we got FLEX T-shirts on sale for only five dollars. HELP US OUT PEOPLE! THERE ARE GUYS WHO WE OWE MONEY TO! GUYS WITH LEAD PIPES AND PINSTRIPE SUITS!

ETF: And our next match... a tag team match scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from New York City, he is the furious baseball warrior, THE SLUGGER! And his tag team partner, from Joe, Montana, he is TOUCHDOWN! They are Extreme Sports Power Nexus!

“ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?!” plays as a man dressed in a baseball uniform and facepaint comes out side by side with a man in a football uniform complete with helmet.

ETF: And their opponents, representing The Lost, accompanied by Mekhet and Nachtzehrer, this is WENDIGO and Thorn!

“From the Cradle to Enslave (Demon Mix)” by Cradle of Filth plays as the quartet of evil vampires goes down the ring. Thorn is holding a skull and is chanting while focusing into it’s eye sockets, WENDIGO rushes the crowd, scaring them off, Nachtzehrer stares blankly into the ring while Mekhet, the leader of the four and holder of the Bloodstone of Mephistopheles, watches on.

MATCH FOUR: EXTREME SPORTS POWER NEXUS VS WENDIGO AND THORN (rep. The Lost)

TOUCHDOWN! and WENDIGO started things off, WENDIGO attacking the larger man with a flurry of strikes like a man possessed, and the referee had to actually SUPLEX him off of TOUCHDOWN! for the break, spouting a “Kick his ass, ref!” chant. TOUCHDOWN! would complain to the ref for WENDIGO’s “Pass interference”, which just confused everyone, even Slugger. WENDIGO would again charge at TOUCHDOWN! who this time used his power to elbow WENDIGO and throw him into the mat, and a tag to Slugger, who delivered a pair of elbow drops followed by his “Cleat Kick” (Shining Black). He went to the ropes for the Baseball Slide, but Mekhet tripped him up. This allowed WENDIGO to tag to Thorn, who would get hammered by punches by Slugger sending him into the corner, but as Slugger wound up for the “Knuckeball Chop”, Thorn used his “Enchantment of the Loa” (Magic Spell) to stop it, allowing Thorn to deliver a roaring elbow and drop suplex. TOUCHDOWN! tried to cut in, but Thorn used the “Poison of Kali” (Poison Mist) to blind him. Fortunately for ESPN, Slugger would deliver a backdrop from behind and a knee drop, tagging in TOUCHDOWN!, allowing them to set up for “Overtime” (Double Lariat) and then TOUCHDOWN!s “Facemask Slam” (Claw Slam), but Thorn would block the big finish and deliver a “Chokebuster” (Chichibu Cement). WENDIGO could cut in and deliver the “T-K-WENDIGO” (Hawaiian Smasher) to Slugger, and the cover: One, two, three!

3Q: That was a close one but the Lost... OH COME ON!

Mekhet and Nachtzehrer entered the ring, and the quartet of vampires beat on TOUCHDOWN and then ripped his shirt open, Thorn using a red paste to draw a symbol over the football star’s chest.

3Q: What is this... Thorn is a master of black magic, he might be preparing something really nasty here...

But before we could find out what the Lost have planned, Slugger got a baseball bat and stormed to the ring, clocking WENDIGO and Nachtzehrer! Mekhet would bail as Slugger hit a homerun on Thorn’s head, then went to the ropes... BASEBALL SLIDE! He would then slide out of the ring and chase the cult’s leader, as we went into intermission. After everyone went to the lobby to get themselves a treat, Eric T. Figurehead was back in the ring.

ETF: I should have mentioned this BEFORE The Lost fought... but sometimes even in FLEX things can get ugly and brutal. The following contest may also get ugly too, because just before the show, it was changed to a NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH. Introducing first, from A Cold Day In Hell, this is the only wrestler named after a metric temperature... –10*C!

“Cold as Ice” by Foreigner hit as the silver-blueish tights of –10*C came down the ramp, presumably with –10*C inside it.

ETF: And his opponent... he hails from the Miami chapter of the Hell’s Angels by way of the Barnum and Bailey circus... he is CRISPY THE HOMICIDAL CLOWN!

“I’m Just A Rock and Roll Clown” by Dr. Rockso played as the 7’ Crispy came out, wearing baggy pants, grease paint, and a jean jacket with biker patches on it.

MATCH FIVE, NO DQ: -10*C vs CRISPY THE HOMICIDAL CLOWN

-10*C and Crispy began brawling, but the bigger and stronger Crispy knocked –10*C down who went out to the floor, Crispy following suit. The master of the drop toe hold would elbow Crispy and throw him into the barricade... wait this is FLEX! The crowd BARELY got out of the way as Crispy crashed into a row of chairs, which is more painful than being hit by a chair. How that works, we don’t know. Anyways! Crispy and –10*C continued to battle in what for lack of a better term will be called the stands, Crispy gaining the upper hand and smashing –10 into the dry erase board, prompting the second “DRY E-RASE BOARD (Clap clap clapclapclap)” chant of the evening. –10 would go for a suplex onto the concrete, but Crispy would block it and go for one of his own, but Crispy would counter the counter landing on his feet behind the clown, delivering a knee crusher! Bringing Crispy back into the ring, -10* would work on the knee of the clown, and eventually pull him to the corner for an “Icebird Splash” (Fire Star Splash), but Crispy brought the good knee up. Crispy would pick up –10* for the “Big Top Drop” (F5), but the knee would give out and –10* would have position... WIZARD OF WINTER! (Shining Wizard). One, two, no. Crispy would then get whipped into the ropes, and –10* would go for “World’s Laziest Kick” (Running Toe Kick in the corner) but Crispy would block it and shove –10* down, before going to the outside for a table. While pulling it out, though, -10* did a flying elbow suicida! –10* hit Crispy with a chair then tossed it in the ring along with sliding the table in, climbing on the apron for a Ghetto Stomp before going back in the ring to set it up. Crispy would get back in the ring and charge for a lariat... DROP TOE HOLD ONTO THE CHAIR! NOBODY KICKS OUT OF –10’S DROP TOE HOLD! ONE, TWO, KICKOUT!! An Incensed –10 would set Crispy up for a powerbomb through the table, but Crispy blocked it, delivered a Manhattan Drop, repositioned himself and delivered a Last Ride powerbomb through the table! He then whipped –10*C into the ropes... “ALLEYOOP!” (Flapjack). One, two, three!

3Q: That was a great contest, and Crispy retains his undefeated streak against a tough customer in –10*C.

ETF: The following FLEXhibition guantlet is scheduled for four falls! Introducing first, the man who will run the guantlet... he is from the ancient Jade Lotus Temple, he is the leader of the International House of Pain, Kung-Fu-Man-Chu!

“(Everybody was) Kung Fu Fighting” hits as KFMC comes down, wearing white gi pants and being bald except for a ponytail

ETF: And his first opponent... from Nowhere In Particular... GUS NOBODY!

“Nobody’s Fault” by Aerosmith played as a generic-looking individual went down the ring.

MATCH SIX: FLEXhibition Guantlet!
Part One: Kung Fu Man Chu vs Gus Nobody

KFMC unloads with a series of chops and open-handed strikes, delivering a snapmare and going for a Penalty Kick, but Gus got to his feet and kicked KFMC in the gut, and set up for his finisher, the Swinging Neckbreaker, but KFMC grabbed his arm and twisted it, kicking him in the stomach twice before applying an armbar for an easy submission win.

ETF: And the second entrant... from Grad School... JOEY THE INTERN!

“Rock and Roll All Nite” by KISS would play as Joey came down the ramp, wearing jeans and a short-sleeved jean shirt over a long sleeved shirt.

Part Two: Kung Fu Man Chu vs Joey The Intern

Joey would immediately hit a flying lariat and follow up with a flashing elbow, helping KFMC up and throwing him into the ropes, and using the “Intern Net” (Tarantula), letting go after the 3 count. He would then attempt the “Coffee Maker” (Side Roll Stunner), but KFMC would float over, get a sleeper hold until Joey hit the canvas, and nailed a Penalty Kick. One, two, three.

3Q: Kung Fu Man Chu showing why he is one of FLEX’ most dangerous athletes.

ETF: Entrant number three... from Mike’s Hometown... he is Mike’s Brother!

“People are Strange” by the Doors hits as the brother of a famous wrestler named Mike enters the ring.

Part Three: Kung Fu Man Chu vs Mike’s Brother

Mike went for a flying forearm and went to the ropes for “That Move He Does” (Atomic Leg Drop) but KFMC rolled away and made Mike miss. KFMU would throw him to the ropes and hit “Chop Su Wi” (Backhand chop against running opponent) for a three count.

3Q: And once again with no effort at all he defeated Mike’s Brother. There’s only one person left...

ETF: And his final opponent... from Detroit Rock City, the Generic Pro Wrestling Television Champion... BRETT BARRACUDA!

“Talk Dirty to Me” by Poison played and the lights would go out until right before the first verse, when a man in a spandex jumpsuit and rhinestone-covered jacket would be holding a microphone on a stand near the entrance area... and began singing the lyrics. This would commence an entrance where he sang and danced around the ring, winking and blowing kisses to the two female fans, and then back to the start where two women fired confetti blasters over him, before finally going into the ring to a standing ovation.

3Q: That was the most EPIC entrance in Fighting League EXtreme history! Brett must be one hell of a challenge! I wouldn’t want to be Kung Fu Man Chu right now...

Part Four: Kung Fu Man Chu vs Brett Barracuda

As soon as Brett faced him, KFMC roundhouse kicked him in the face. One, two, three.

3Q: Or not. Well it’s time for our main event! This is a rare technico vs tecnico title match, as the pride of British Intelligence battles the iconic role model.

ETF: And now it’s time for the MAIN event, scheduled for one fall and is for the FLEX Grand Champion of Intense Combat championship! Introducing first the challenger, from Her Majesty’s Secret Service, he is Secret Agent Mann!

“Live and Let Die” by Paul McCartney plays as the superspy entered the ring

ETF: And his opponent... the FLEX Grand Champion of Intense Combat... from Tokyo Japan... he is the GREATEST HERO! JIN YAGAMI JR!

And to “SID Icarus” by Machinae Supremacy played, the champ would come down the ring with his black-and-white singlet and mask.

MAIN EVENT: FLEX GRAND CHAMPION OF INTENSE COMBAT: SECRET AGENT MANN VS JIN YAGAMI JR (c)

Agent and Jin would shake hands first and jockey for position, Agent would arm drag Jin and apply an arm lock, but Jin would counter with a headscissors, with Agent getting a jackknife hold and Jin putting his legs over Agent’s shoulders and roll him for a cover, only a one count as they got back to a standoff. Jin then gets a headlock and throws him over with Agent rolling him to his shoulders, Jin rolling through and keeping the headlock on until SA managed to get him up and go for a backdrop. He would go for the jetpack but Jin would roll him up before he could strap it on, SA rolling through and applying an armlock until the Greatest Hero bridged out. SA would do a flying back elbow and follow up with “Shaken Not Stirred” (Sunset Flip Bomb) for a two count until Jin rolled through and hit a dropkick to the face. Jin hit a Complete Shot and folowed up with an STF, but SA would get the ropes. SA would deliver a flying headscissors and put on the jetpack, delivering a “Moonrakersault” for a two count. Jin would try to recover with a lariat but SA would duck under it, deliver a hurricanrana whip and a rolling senton then Jin up in the Argentine Rack position, before bringing Jin down like an implant DDT!

3Q: LIVE AND LET DIE! It’s over!

One, two, NO! Mann would set it up again, but Jin would escape and deliver the Heroism Bomb (Death Valley Bomb). One, two, no. Jin would lift Mann up and deliver some strikes, but then a gas emitted from the lapel of Secret Agent Mann! Jin went down like a sack of bricks! Mann would go to the top rope, and the crowd chanted... not for Jin, but for the dry erase board... BUT IT WAS ENOUGH TO EVOKE THE FIGHTING SPIRIT THAT SHINES LIKE A BEACON. Jin would get his knees up to block the Moonrakersault, then while Mann was clutching his stomach Jin got up, butterflied the arms, and delivered the Legendary Technique of Destiny (Angel’s Wings)! The cover, one, two THREE!

3Q: WHAT A MATCH FOLKS... and wait a second...

The Takeda Corporation, consiting of the evil tryant billionaire Takeda-sama, his cowardly son Courage, and their bodyguard Akira Yamazaki, storm the ring and attack Jin and Secret Agent Mann... well, Takeda and Akira do, Courage taps them with his foot then jumps back like they are about to explode. Eventually Commissioner Figurehead gets a mic.

ETF: TAKEDA! STOP THIS NOW! What the hell are you doing?

Takeda grabs a mic.

Takeda: Making a statement, Figurehead. We should have been represented tonight, but you refused to even book us for one lousy match!

ETF: Yeah and with you interfering like this it’s a wonder why I don’t like giving you title matches.

Takeda: Well we deserve one!

Then, Kung Fu Man Chu comes out with “The Lovely Flower of Japan” Geisha Man, The 7’ Luchador El Toothpick, and “Legitamite Businessman” Milo Falcone, collectively known as the International House of Pain!

Falcone: Whoawhoa whoa... shuddupyaface, Takeda. Now as you saw from our leader destroying FOUR people by himself, I think its’ fair to say it’s IHOP who deserves the next title shot, huh?

ETF: Alright. Tell you what. There’s four members of IHOP, three members of Takeda Corporation. So it will be IHOP vs Takeda Corporation... AND Crazy Harry, in an eight-man-tag team match at our next show. The man who gets the pinfall will become number one contender. Also! Due to what happened earlier tonight, I’m booking The Lost against Jin Yagami Jr, ESPN, and... CRISPY THE HOMICIDAL CLOWN!

3Q: Wow, TWO huge eight-man tag matches planned for our next event.

ETF: Also, while it may be announced at the next show or sometime else in the future, I am closing a BIG deal that will bring Fighting League EXtreme to new heights! And I’m not just talking about a new snack machine either! Until then... good night everyone!

OBTUSE! The Journey Has A Name! Recap

OBTUSE! The Journey Has A Name!

3Q: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to OBTUSE! The Journey Has A Name! Tonight's main event is a match that FLEX fans have wanted to see... well, fan... anyways, the battle between Ghetto Ninja and El Diablo Estupido for the Grand Champion Of Intense Combat championship. And we are going to hear from the champion right now.

DE: Ghetto Ninja, you can pop and lock and bounce around like a drunken rabbit in your car, but you will find out that I can in fact touch this. You may be ice, ice, baby, but I've got more Molotov cocktails than a Russian New Year's party. And all the little Diabolists out there, the kids who go to school and pray to Satan every day, know that their role model and hero will retain his title. HAIL SATAN!

3Q: ...Anyways. El Incompetente is going to face the mysterious former Kabuki actor turned martial artist turned wrestler, Senor Bushido. Let's go to the action!



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Incompetente X <7:56- Knees to the Face> Bushido O

3Q: Ouch, Senor Bushido may have broken El Incompetente's nose. However, El Incompetente is raising his arms in victory, as if he won the match... BLADE OF DEMISE! (Screw High Kick) Bushido absolutely knocked Senor Bushido out with that kick! Well coming up next is the first ever CHAN! CHAN! BATTLE OF JUSTICE! Match. Falls count anywhere, no rope breaks, but you can still be disqualified! The winner of this match gets a prestigous prize: A free order of Flanigan's Rib Rolls! They're riberrific!





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Elimination 1:
Super Hockey O <24:48- Canadian Hammer> El Phantom X
Elimination 2:
Spud O <25:32- Half Baked Suplex> Super Hockey X
Elimination 3:
Geisha Man O <26:25- Falcon Arrow> Spud X

3Q: Well we're going to talk to Spud about that result. Spud, how do you feel about losing to the "Lovely Flower of Japan", Geisha Man?

Spud: ...Name's Spud.

3Q: ...I know. Your thoughts on the match?

Spud: ...Got a stick.

3Q: ...Well, you just missed out on a free order of Rib Rolls, you're not upset about that?

Spud: I heard Geisha Man was one of them whatdayacallems...

3Q: Vegetarians?

Spud: No. Lesbians.

3Q: ...Geisha Man is a guy, Spud.

Spud: But isn't a Lesbian one of them people from that country with dem ninjas?

3Q: No, you're thinking of Japan... he is Japanese though, but why wouldn't he want to eat Rib Rolls because of that?

Spud: ...I'll ask Jeeves.

3Q: ...Okay... our next match is for the Master of the Way of Destruction Openweight Eurocoretinental-X Championship Crown. The champion, Ozzy DaBoe... now apparently a four time champion, as he lost and won it from both a gumball machine and a Kermit The Frog plush doll, against Grampa Luchador. Grampa Luchador has told me that he thinks Ozzy DaBoe is a glorified stuntman like "That Lou Thesz Guy". Let's go to the action.



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Luchador X <14:59- Sobat> DaBoe O

3Q: And as Grampa Luchador is leaving the ring and yelling about "flippy dippy moves", Ozzy takes the mic.

ODB: HELLO CLEVELAND! There are some people who want me to go for the Grand Champion of Intense Combat title, and there are some people who feel like a nut, and there are some people who don't. I say to them: Banana Sliced Corndogs. I will continue to defend my MOTWODOEXCC title, against any man, woman, or anthromorphic rabbit in the world! IF YOU SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL! WHAT I! JUST FARTED!

3Q: Anyways, our tag team attraction, the vile but tasty Los Comidas face off against El Burro Gordo and Futura Knight.





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Taco Mask O/Burrito Mask <27:51- Powerbomb> Burro X/Futura

3Q: THE RING JUST SHOOK! The 300 pound El Burro Gordo tried for a rana but got powerbombed by Taco Mask! Futura Knight is now yelling about how "Sarah did it". As the Comidas leave the ring, we get ready for Ghetto Ninja's entrance, to THE MOST GANGSTA BEAT EVER!



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Ninja X <15:41- Springboard Hurricanrana> Estupido O

3Q: And the champion retains! Ghetto Ninja is none too happy with that, but all the fans are celebrating as the Satanic Role Model keeps the title! That's all the time we have for today, folks, we now bring you to "Late Night Monster Theatre".

FLEX Who Shot Mr Potato Head Recap

3Q: Well ladies and gentlemen welcome to "Who Shot Mr Potato Head", I'm Quentin Q. Quentinstein, and I'm here at this high school gymnasium, where four fans, three of them actually just girlfriends of some of the wrestlers and the other I think is a hobo who just stumbled in here by accident, are here for some high quality wrestling. Our double main event, the first ever "All My Exes Live In Texas Tornado Tag Match" between Los Comidas and the team of Super Hockey and Senor Bushido. And let me tell you something, that kind of a brutal match is why I hang my hat in Tennessee. And for the Grand Champion of Intense Combat title, El Diablo Estupido, the wrestler who teaches kids important morals like to go to school and pray to Satan, faces off against The Geisha Man. But first we have El Incompetente. He was trained in a school ran by none other than Mil Mascaras, but his check bounced so they taught him wrong on purpose. And he faces... well, we don't know. El Incompetente is in the ring waiting...

*"Sabbra Cadabra" by Black Sabbath starts playing*

3Q: ... wait a second here comes his opponent... wait... that's that idiot from the 7-11! What's his name... Spud! What's he doing here? Wait a second, he's going into the ring... don't tell me this guy's El Incompetente's opponent! This may be Incompetente's first win after a Glass Joe-esque losing streak! I mean, seriously, how is Spud going to pin someone for a count of three? He doesn't even have an IQ of three! Let's go to the action, and I say that in the loosest meaning of the word!



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El Incompetente X (8:37- Cobra Twist Pin) Spud O

3Q: No way. No freakin' way. That idiot is not only a wrestler, he's an amazing one! Spud, come over here, tell me your thoughts about this match...

Spud: ...Name's Spud.

3Q: I know that, I was asking what you think about winning your first match...

Spud: *holds up his twig* ...Got a stick.

3Q: ...Okay I guess that answers that. Anyways, who trained you?

Spud: ...Pete.

3Q: Pete? Well I'd like to meet this Pete sometime.

Spud: Can't. He's dead. Got hit by a truck.

3Q: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Spud: Not a big deal. Ate em for dinner.

3Q: Wait, what?

Spud: Well yeah, he was a squirrell. Good eating, squirrells.

3Q: So... Pete the Squirell taught you how to wrestle.

Spud: Nah, his name was Acornington. But he did teach me to wrassle.

3Q: How... nevermind I don't think I want to know. Thank you for your time you... strange, strange... person. Anyways, our next match is a battle of the ages, literally. Grampa Luchador, the oldest wrestler alive and the only person to beat Jesus Christ in a two out of three falls match, faces off against Futura Knight. Apparently he is from the year 2084, having traveled back in time to find someone named Sarah. How this search for Sarah brought him into the world of wrestling is anyone's guess, but here come the two competitors as the crowd is on their feet in excitement.... no, wait, actually they're leaving.





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Grampa Luchador X (21:49- Let's Do The Time Warp!) Futura Knight O

3Q: Futura Knight won a very well-fought bout, and wait a second, Grampa Luchador is coming this way...

GL: Shut your trap you snapper-whipper! Back in my day we didn't have any fancy-pancy people from a bleak future! Our wrestlers wore wool tights and did hour-long wristlocks, AND THATS THE WAY WE LIKED IT. Kids today don't know anything about wrestling because all they watch are them glorified stuntmen. Like that Ric Flair! Glorified stuntman! Now if you'll excuse me, I got to catch the Early Bird Special.

3Q: Well good news for him is that there's a loser fan here who buys all the wrestlers Denny's. Anyways, our next match features El Phantom against El Burro Gordo. Both men came out of the first FLEX show with a loss. Well, El Burro didn't think it was a loss, apparently, because at least he got chicken.



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El Phantom X (17:45- Standing Moonsault) El Burro Gordo O

3Q: Ouch! That can't be good for your ribs with 350 pounds of overweight luchador landing right on them. This is has turned out to be a great night for wrestling, it's a shame that there's only one person in the crowd watching. Hi Mom! And now we're going to hear from Ozzy DaBoe before he faces off against Ghetto Ninja.

*Ozzy enters the ring with a mic, with a green-painted hubcap on a chain around his neck, and holding a cardboard title belt*

OD: YO YO YO THREE-Q, Oh-zee Dabobobobizzle is hizz-ere, and I'm funky like a monkey. HULK HOGAN, I'M COMING FOR YOU, SHIGGITY SHIGGITY SHA! And these FLEX shirts are too tight! FOCK EM! MAKE EM HUMBLE! Meanwhile I'm going to face Ghetto Ninja, who is neither a Ninja nor from the Ghetto, and I know this because I asked Jeeves. Well we're going to have a match for my belt, the "Master of the Way of Destruction Openweight Eurocoretinental-X Championship Crown!" CAPTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANET!



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Ozzy DaBoe X (12:05- Low Rider High Kick-> Leglock) Ghetto Ninja O

3Q Huge upset there! We have a new MOTWODOEXCC Champion! And Ghetto Ninja is celebrating, popping and locking and... wait a second, Ozzy just rolled him up! The ref is counting, one, two, three!

Ozzy DaBoe O (School Boy) Ghetto Ninja X

3Q: NEW CHAMP! NEW CHAMP! NEW CHAMP!

*After Ozzy wins his belt back, purple and green balloons rain down from the sky, as Ozzy holds up a mic*

Ozzy: Sorry Teenage Mutant Ninja Loser, but you must have forgotten the rules of the Master of the Way of Destruction Openweight Eurocontinental-X Championship Crown... see, the belt is defended twenty-five hours a day, thirteen and a half days a week! Order your calenders today! Only 99.95 plus shipping and/or handling! CALL NOW AND GET A FREE FOAM FINGER!

*Ozzy looks around*

Ozzy: Foamfingercostsanadditionaltwentydollars ORDER NOW!

3Q: Well now the fan is pumped up, and we're going to have the first ever All My Exes Live In Texas Tornado Tag Match! Falls count anywhere, no rope breaks, and the use of double negatives are perfectly legal!



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Burrito Mask X/Taco Mask (16:04- Flash Pin) Super Hockey O/Senor Bushido

3Q: Well that was a great match, between Taco Mask hitting the Chile Con Carne (Shooting Star Press), use of the Soft Shelled Submission (Sickle Hold), and Super Hockey using the Body Check (Flying shoulder), Gretzkyleaf (Cloverhold), and the Canadian Hammer, but in the end a pinfall out of nowhere scored the win for the technicos! And now it's time for our main event for the Grand Champion of Intense Combat title, the "Lovely Flower of Japan", Geisha Man, and the champion, Diablo Estupido, who had this to say earlier on.

DE: Well ladies and gentlemen I face a man with no fear, no remorse, and no clear gender identity. But I will survive, for I have stayed in school, ate my wheaties, and prayed to the Dark Master for victory while sacrificing a Calico cat. Thats what all you little impressionable minors should do to beat up your bullies! HAIL SATAN!





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Geisha Man X (19:47- Satanic Deathlock) El Diablo Estupido O

3Q: What a match! Despite use of the Happy Ending (Crotch Claw) and a failed Obi Smash (Hip Attack), Diablo Estupido managed to fight back with the help of his Hellfire Attack #666 (Big Fire), Beelzulbub Driver II, before hitting the STO and a Satanic Deathlock for the submission win! And for a family-friendly finale, Estupido has covered the ring with a pentagram! You got to love Diablo Estupido, who is loved all over the world, especially in the Bible Belt. Well that's all the time we have for this show, stay tuned for more FLEX action! Of course, at this point nobody is watching... so now, a limerick. There once was a woman named Delores.... (cutoff)