FLEX presents: We Have Free Candy*!

FLEX WE HAVE FREE CANDY*!
Live at the Tamarac Community Center in Tamarac Florida.

The show starts with Eric T Figurehead in the ring.

ETF: Tonight, we have some very exciting matches for everyone. The second-ever CHAN! CHAN! Battle of Justice for the Kill the Man With The Belt title, the first time the belt will be defended in an official FLEX event. We will have the first official match of DARKNESS Monkey, and for the Grand Champion of Intense Combat Title...

"From The Cradle to Enslave" (Demon Remix) by Cradle of Filth hits as The Lost come out.

Mekhet: The main event tonight is a farce, Figurehead. It is a plot to remove me from my rightful place as holder of this title. After all, Xander Starr and Jin Yagami Jr will only focus on me, to ensure for you that I lose the title. Therefore, I demand that if I lose, I get a rematch against whoever wins the title.

ETF: Oh you mean... like the rematch Yagami didn't get? And also, if you think I had DARKNESS Monkey attack both of them to make sure the match ended in a draw, you must be out of your mind.

Mekhet: No, but you let them both face me. Neither one of them should have that right, nobody won the match!

ETF: I don't punish people for things that weren't their fault. Okay, ere's the deal. Mekhet, if you win, you defend the title against Jin Yagami Jr, one on one. If Jin Yagami Jr wins, you get a rematch against him... in a steel cage match. That way your Lost friends can't interfere. But... if Xander Starr wins... you get a rematch... and so does Jin Yagami Jr.

Mekhet: That's unreasonable!

ETF: No, that's FAIR.

Mekhet: You will regret your decision, Figurehead.

ETF: Sure I will. Now if there's nothing else....

Crowd: WHERE'S OUR CAN-DY *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*

ETF: ...Oh yeah. About that. See... we did have candy for everyone... but Munchie the deathmatch hippie got the... well... munchies... but we do have the keys to the soda machine! So everyone can have a soda and rot their teeth... IN STYLE!

Crowd cheers as the first match is set up

MATCH ZERO: Marumaru vs Maxine Warner
Maru is a popular rookie in the DPW-J rankings, but the Unholy Terror of LAWL absolutely destroyed her. Maru got ZERO offense before Maxine was able to crush her with a Briar Patch Bomb (Hurricane Driver) in less than ten minuites.

Marumaru X [9:24- "Briar Patch Bomb"] O Maxine Warner

MATCH ONE: CHAN! CHAN! BATTLE OF JUSTICE! for the Kill The Man With The Belt Title: 2 Large The Barge (DPW Dojo) vs Jersey Boy CJ (DPW Dojo) vs Jersey Boy Tony (DPW Dojo) vs Super Hacker Black (FLEX) vs "Over 9000" Vic Marino (Indy) vs SHINIGAMI (Indy) vs and BRIDE (c) (DPW-J)
This match was all over the place, with everyone trying to get the upper hand. Scarab, however, was looking only to regain the belt, and did so in 16:18 with a prawn hold. The Jersey Boys worked together at first, but Tony shocked everyone by hitting CJ with a SICKENING shinbreaker then pinning him at 17:35! At 29:20 Super Hacker Black would fall victim to a Tony STF, but SHINIGAMI would destroy Tony with a series of kicks before pinning him at 37:11. The four remaining warriors continued to go at it until 2 Large got his first fall EVER, with the 400 pounder hitting SHINIGAMI with a moonsaut at 43:06. That moonsault took a lot out of him and Scarab capitalized, getting him in a "Scarab Lock" (Butterfly Lock) at 44:51. Vic Marino and Scarab would have a back and forth battle, until Vic proved he was no stranger to love with a "Vic Roll" to win the title at 49:30!

Vic Marino O [49:30 "Vic Roll"] X The Scarab

MATCH TWO: The Spies Who Pinned You vs Cool Cats
Secret Agent Mann and Cobra Stealth were dominant the entire match, and Secret Agent Mann would finish off Zeke with a version of the Shiranui Kai he calls "The Golden Gun".

Secret Agent Mann O/Cobra Stealth [13:17- "Golden Gun"] -10*C/Zeke X

MATCH THREE: YES! vs Mr B
YES! was looking to capitalize on his performance in Super Nova, but the world's toughest white Mr T impersonator was able to throw him helluva far on several occasions. YES! tried to make a comeback but it was cut short when Mr B used his gold chains to deck YES! for the three count.

YES! X [13:56- Gold Chains] O Mr B

MATCH FOUR: DARKNESS Monkey vs Some Guy In A Mask
DARKNESS Monkey's brute force overwhelmed Some Guy at first, but the masked technico made a comeback, hitting DARKNESS with his "Starman Chop" (Cross chop) finisher several times. DARKNESS however answered with a vicious Gorilla Press Slam to the floor! Some Guy barely got in before he was counted out, and managed a figure four attempt, but Big Bear, formerly of the Three Bears team, came out as did a COW of all things! The trio laid a beasting on Some Guy as Senor Zebra called for the bell.

DARKNESS Monkey X [24:04- Interference DQ] Some Guy In A Mask O

MATCH FIVE: ESPN vs The Lost
The Slugger had a new, darker look, and was very aggressive at first, until Gridiron was put in the ring and Slugger couldn't face his old partner. It was a back and forth battle with Super Hockey and Tiger Woods Mask leading the charge for ESPN while The Lost used their teamwork to isolate members. Eventually all eight men were in the ring at once after Senor Zebra got bumped to the floor, and Slugger used his bat on Thorn and Nachtzehrer, but again froze up when Gridiron faced him. Gridiron would put him in the One Shoulder Ligerbomb, and Tiger Woods Mask would be distracted long enough for WENDIGO to hit him with the Cannibal Cutter for the three count.

Slugger/Super Hockey/Super Jockey/Tiger Woods Mask X [25:06- "Cannibal Cutter"] Thorn/WENDIGO O/Nachtzehrer/Gridiron

MATCH SIX: Geisha Man vs La Cucaracha
Geisha Man and La Cucaracha had a great high-paced match, with Geisha Man using tactics that would even disturb FullMETAL. This allowed him a psychological advantage, getting the finisher with a modified Banana Spread dubbed the "Geisha Special"

Geisha Man O [22:23- "Geisha Special"] La Cucaracha X

MAIN EVENT: Three Way, No DQ, Pinfalls Only Match For The Grand Champion of Intense Combat Title: Xander Starr vs Jin Yagami Jr vs Mekhet (c)
While it was true that Starr and Yagami did work together some, it was still every man for himself, with many holds broken so the person applying them couldn't rest for too long. Everyone got their fair share of nearfalls, including Jin using a Heroism Bomb on Starr. Jin would hit Mekhet with the Legendary Technique of Destiny, but Xander would hit him with a "Twisted Sister" (Twist Diamond Cutter) for a three count at 28:58! Xander wasted little time, pulling Mekhet to the corner and hitting the 810 Splash to claim his first major singles title!

Xander Starr O [29:47- 810] X Mekhet NEW GCoIC CHAMPION!

Xander then got a mic.

Xander: If I can be a bit serious for a minuite... four years ago, in this arena, I tore my rotator cuff, and was told I would never be able to wrestle again. ...Guess I was told wrong, huh? ...But to come back... and to win a title HERE, in front of all the people who supported me since my injury... it really means a lot to me. Thank you everyone... and Yagami, Mekhet... let's do this again, and put on an even better match!

"Through The Fire and Flames" hit, but DARKNESS Monkey came out with a chair and attacked Xander, then hit him with a Gorilla Press Slam shoulder first onto the chair! The sinister simian held the GCoIC Title over his head as the show ended.

1-1-1 UP, 1-1-1 UP!

FLEX PRESENTS: 1-1-1 UP 1-1-1 UP

Live at Milander Auditorium in Hialeah Florida.

ETF: Welcome everyone to another exciting edition of Fighting League EXtreme. Tonight we’re at Milander Auditorium in Hialeah, Florida, minuites away from Hialeah High School, which would have been a better venue allowing more people, but we’re here instead because of the soda machines!

Crowd: SO-DA MA-CHINES! *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*

ETF: I’m Eric T. Figurehead, commissioner and ring announcer... and I only get one paycheck... if you could call it a paycheck... it’s actually a coupon for stuffed crust pizza... ANYWAY! But doing commentary tonight, you know him, you mildly tolerate him, Quentin Q. Quentinstein! Tonight features a single elimination tournament, the winner will get a shot at the new Grand Champion of Intense Combat, Mekhet....

“From the Cradle to Enslave (Demon Mix)” by Cradle of Filth hits, and Mekhet and the Lost make their entrance, Mekhet with a mic.

Mekhet: This is a travesty, Figurehead. You have eight men to go after my title... and one of them is not even NAMED? And you also have this... stipulation to the match.... a stipulation you claim to know about? Explain yourself at once!

ETF: Well, it’s quite simple. I had fans at our last event put submit match ideas. And then, without looking at the submissions, I put them in envelopes, put the envelopes in a fishtank, and had all eight competitors pick them at random. Whoever wins, opens his envelope, and that’s the match we’ll use.

Mekhet: I see. Well it does not matter, for I will destroy whoever dares challenge the might of The Lost.

Mekhet heads to the back, with the Lost behind him... and from the bathroom comes Slugger, BASHING Mekhet over the head with his bat! WENDIGO and Nachtzehrer chase Slugger out of the arena (literally!), while Thorn and Gridiron pick the stunned Mekhet up and help him to the back.

ETF: ...You know, I’d just like to have ONE SHOW where nobody sneak attacks someone. ANYWAYS! Our first match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing fist, he is from Soda Springs, Idaho and weighing in at 33 grams of sugar... he is 100% fresh squeezed lucha libre... GRAPE! JUICE! JONES!

“Junk Food” by Sex Machineguns hits as Grape Juice comes out to a huge pop!

ETF: And his opponent... from Orlando Florida... he is the disgruntled theme park mascot... ZEKE! THE LUCHACAT!

“Cat Scratch Fever” by Ted Nugent hits as Zeke comes out, grabbing a kid’s soda can and pouring it on his head.

3Q: Zeke is on a mission tonight, he was robbed by Mekhet and is looking for revenge.

Carmen SanDiego Block: Grape Juice Jones vs Zeke The Luchacat

Grape Juice locks up with Zeke who stomps on GJJ’s foot, making him lose his grip to fall prey to a Dragon Screw. Zeke used that to follow up with an elbow drop, pulling him back up for a scoop slam but Grape Juice freed himself by taking the back door.... SCHOOOOOOOOOL BOY! for a two count. Zeke went for an early “Shining Hairball” (shining enzuigiri) attempt, but Grape Juice ducked it, setting up for “Grape Crusher 99” (Ki Krusher) but Zeke poked Jones in the eyes and rolled him up into a pin. One, two, kickout. Zeke and Jones delivered elbows to each other, Jones getting the upper hand, throwing him to the ropes and hitting a big lariat! One, two, kickout at two. Jones went to the top for the “Juice Mixer” (450 splash) but Zeke got the knees up! Zeke would get up and Jones would go for a knee... but Zeke shoved the referee in the way! Jones grabbed Zeke and tossed him over the top rope, while trying to revive the ref! Zeke meanwhile got a chair! Zeke rolled in and tried to get Jones with the chair, but he ducked! Zeke saw the ref coming to... and tossed the chair to Jones, then flopped onto his back! Senor Zebra looked at Grape Juice... looked at Zeke... and called for the bell!

3Q: Grape Juice didn’t hit him! He got cheated out by Zeke, who his rubbing his foam rubber head as if he was decked by Jones! A clever ploy no doubt, but I think Figurehead will warn Senor Zebra about it soon.

ETF: Our next match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first.... from Beelzulbub, Florida, he is the Satanic Hero, Andy Cryst!

“Sympathy for the Devil/Skeleton Christ” hits as the Satanic Role Model hits the ring.

ETF: And his opponent, from the Supermarket, this is Baghead McCoy!

“The Original” by Daisuke Ishiwatari hits as the evil Baghead McCoy hits the ring.

Where’s Waldo Block: Andy Cryst vs Baghead McCoy

Andy went to lock up with Baghead who immediately thumbed the eye, then hit a pair of elbows and a snapmare to a chinlock. Andy fought back, getting to a vertical base and going to a fireman’s carry into a chinlock. Baghead would get vertical now, shooing Andy off then hitting a back body drop before following THAT with a chinlock. Andy’s recovery would have him elbow Baghead, give him a body slam, then yet another chinlock!

Then “Happy Happy Joy Joy” by Ren and Stimpy Hit!

3Q: Wait a minuite... this can only mean...

XANDY SNORTON! Xandy hit the ring, knocking the referee over... XKO TO BAGHEAD! And an XKO to Andy Cryst! And now he starts stalking Baghead... LIGHT TAP WITH HIS FOOT OF DEATH!!!

3Q: THAT WAS SICK!!!

Xandy left the ring, and Andy went to the top rope to try a “Six Six Splash” (450) but Baghead managed to get the knees up!

3Q: HOW IS HE NOT COMATOSE!

Baghead would slowly get up... Bag Lunch! (Danshoku Driver) Cover, two, kickout. Baghead would CHOKE Andy now, but Senor Zebra broke it up. Baghead hit a suplex and tried for a body slam but Andy floated over, setting up for “The Human Slinky” (Delphin Rolling Germans) but Baghead elbowed free, try to pull him down for the “Smiley Face” (Crossface) but Andy kicked him in the gut... Six Six Stunner! One, two, three!

3Q: Well there you have it, Andy Cryst and Zeke The Luchacat both advance. And now to find out who they will face next. The winner of this next bout will face off against the Luchacat.

ETF: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Tokyo, Japan, he is the Greatest Hero, Jin Yagami Jr!

“SID Icarus” by Machinae Supremacy hits as the Greatest Hero enters the ring to a HUGE reaction!

ETF: And his opponent... now residing in Wascilla, Alaska, he can see Russia from the ring and is the coolest man in FLEX, and the Dragon Pro Dragonheart Champion, -10*C!

“Cold As Ice” by Foreigner hits as the rudo comes out.

Carmen Sandiego Block: Jin Yagami Jr. vs –10*C

Jin and –10*C lock up, with –10 getting the upper hand at first until Jin got a fireman’s carry, picking up –10 and setting up for a slam but –10 floated over and applied a Snowboard! Jin managed to get to the ropes hooking them with his leg, making the rudo break it up... but grabbing Jin by the mask and hitting a lungblower! Jin got pulled to the center of the ring, getting hit with a kneedrop. –10 went to the top rope for a flying headbutt but Jin rolled out of the way! Jin would lift –10 up and then hit a body slam successfully, hitting an elbow drop for a one count then going to the ropes... Flashing Elbow! Picking up –10, he sets up for a suplex but –10 counters and hits one of his own, following up with a fallaway slam! He picks Yagami up and throws him to the ropes, running to him for a big “World’s Laziest Kick” (Running Toe Kick to the corner) but Yagami moves away... “HEROISM BOMB” (Death Valley Bomb)! One, two, three!

3Q: And Yagami picks up with the win and gets closer to regaining the championship! –10 did well but couldn’t stop the Greatest Hero. And it’s time to see who the mystery eigth man is!

ETF: The following contest is the final match in round one of the contendership tournament. Introducing first, from his car dealership, he is the EVIL Used Car Salesman, CRAZY HARRY!

“Breifcase Full Of Guts” by Dethklok hit as Crazy Harry came in, passing out brochures with fantastic deals.

ETF: And his opponent... from Sunrise, Florida, one half of the DPW Tag Team Champions.... XANDER STARR!

“Through the Fire and Flames” by Dragonforce hit, but nobody came out, until a random cameraman handed Eric a card.

ETF: I have been informed that Xander Starr could not make it tonight, due to an injury. Therefore, taking his place... from a Left Turn At Alberquerque.... this is.... THE XANDIMATE WARRIOR!

“I Ran (So Far Away)” by Flock of Seagulls hit as the Xandimate Warrior rushed to the ring!

Where’s Waldo Block: Crazy Harry vs Xandimate Warrior

Crazy Harry tried to show the Warrior some of those fantastic deals, but Warrior tore the brochure up.

XW: I NEED NOT YOUR CARBON BASED MOBILITY OBJECTS! I FLY ON THE WINGS OF ARES, CARRYING A TORCH OF PROPANE GAS AND THE HAIR OF ANTELOPES! I WILL DISCOMBOBULATE YOU WITH SYNTAX AND MY HIGH LEVELS IN THE BARBARIAN CLASS!

3Q: Apparently Crazy Harry forgot that Xandimate Warrior runs everywhere he goes...

Xandimate Warrior hit Crazy Harry with a lariat, ran the ropes 50 times, then hit a big splash! One, two, three!

Crowd: FIVE STAR MATCH! FIVE STAR MATCH! FIVE STAR MATCH!

Xandimate Warrior then ran out of the ring, and right out of Milander Auditorium!

3Q: Uh... I don’t think he realizes he’s got two more matches... well, there’s no time to go to the lobby and get yourself a treat, because we got the semifinal matches!

ETF: The following contest is a semifinal match in the contender tournament. Introducing first... from Orlando, Florida, ZEKE THE LUCHACAT!

“Cat Scratch Fever” hits again as Zeke enters the ring.

ETF: Aaand his opponent.... The Greatest Hero... JIN! YAGAMI! JR!

“SID Icarus” gets a huge pop!

3Q: And here we go, the match we should have gotten at our last event!

Carmen Sandiego block: Zeke the Luchacat vs Jin Yagami Jr

Zeke poked Jin in the eyes to start the match, then stomped Jin’s foot!

3Q: Yep, that’s the real Zeke.

Zeke headbutted Jin and gave him a snapmare, giving him a choke, Senor Zebra breaking the hold. Jin would recover and take Zeke down and attempt an STF but Zeke would get to the ropes. Getting Zeke back in the middle of the ring, Jin would hit a scoop slam and a flashing elbow for a two count, then Zeke would recover, getting up and hitting Jin with a Jigoku-zuki chop, followed by a brain chop and BIT HIM! Jin would free himself, hitting an elbow smash, throwing Zeke into the ropes for a lariat! Cover, two, kickout. Jin would set up for a backdrop but Zeke elbowed himself free and hit a spinning backfist, then a big kick to the face! Zeke would go to the top rope for a flying elbow but Jin rolled out of the way! Jin would have problems getting up, and both of them would get up at the same time... SHINING HAIRBALL! But thanks to THE FIGHTING SPIRIT THAT SHINES LIKE A BEACON Jin was able to stay on his feet! Another lariat, then a Legendary Technique of Destiny for a three count!

3Q: That Shining Hairball is usually the end of the match, but Yagami’s Fighting Spirit is very tough to overcome.

ETF: The following match is the other semifinal match of the contendership tournament! Introducing first, from Beelzulbub, Florida, he is the Satanic Hero, Andy Cryst!

“Sympathy For The Devil/Skeleton Christ” hits as Andy makes his way to the ring.

ETF: Aaaand his opponent...

A ring crew guy hands ETF a card.

ETF: Well, Xandimate Warrior apparently didn’t come back to Milander Auditorium, and was last seen crossing the border to Georgia. However, we have a substitute! From The Very Very Dark Side, he is... THE XANDERTAKER!

“Thriller” by Michael Jackson hit as The Xandertaker made his way to the ring!

Where’s Waldo Block: Andy Cryst vs The Xandertaker

Andy started with a dropkick, making The Xandertaker back into the ropes, Andy going for a Cactus Jack lariat but Xandertaker lands on his feet, grabbing Andy’s hand! Climbing to the top rope, he WALKS THE ROPE and hits a chop to the neck! Xandertaker would slam Andy and hit an elbow, cover for a two count. Andy got pulled up, and Xandertaker took a swing but Andy ducked, school boy attempt for a two count. Andy hit a forearm, then another to knock down Xandertaker, who SITS UP! Xandertaker slams Andy Cryst and goes for a legdrop, but Andy rolls away and stalks the Xandertaker.... kick.... SIX SIX STUNNER! But XANDERTAKER SAT UP! He kicked Xandertaker again and set up for another Six Six Stunner, shoving Cryst to the ropes.... GRABS HIS NECK! Chokeslam! Cover, two, kickout! He picked Cryst up for the tombstone... but Andy wriggled out, setting up for the “Human Slinky” Germans... hit the first one, but as he went back to a vertical base for a second, Xander elbowed free.... heading to the ropes.... FLYING LARIAT! He then lifted

Andy back to his feet... TOMBSTONE! One, two, three!

3Q: Well that was a great bout folks, coming up next is the first-ever Hulk Hands match, where all the wrestlers will wear a pair of Hulk Hands at all times.

CLICK HERE! (Thanks OrochiGeese!)

3Q: And now it’s time for our main event, folks. The winner will face off against Mekhet for the Grand Champion of Intense Combat title...

ETF: And now the finals of the 1-1-1 UP 1-1-1 UP tournament! Unfortunately Xandertaker has mysteriously dissapeared, however in his place we found the guy he was substituting for anyways! From Sunrise, Florida, one half of the DPW Tag Team Champions, XANDER STARR!

“Through the Fire and Flames” by DragonForce hits as Xander hits the arena!

ETF: And his opponent... the Greatest Hero, Jin Yagami Jr!

“SID Icarus” hits once again as Jin Yagami Jr returns to the ring for the third time tonight!

MAIN EVENT: Xander Starr vs Jin Yagami Jr

The two of them locked up, Jin taking advantage but Starr dropping back and getting a monkey flip! A nip-up and Xander was on his feet first, able to follow up with a bulldog to Yagami! Going to the apron, Xander got ready to launch himself... but Yagami caught him, Heroism Bomb (Death Valley Bomb)! One, two, kickout! Jin would pick Xander up for a suplex, following up with a chinlock until Xander was able to get to his feet, elbowing free. Xander would head to the ropes and leap onto Jin’s shoulders, spinning his body while taking Yagami down and hooking his legs, cover, two count. Xander would then go for a springboard moonsault attack, but Yagami caught it and slammed him down, following up with a flashing elbow! Jin would follow up with a DDT and a release German, trying to set up for an STF but got caught in a rollup in! One, two, kickout! Xander gets a hiptoss, followed by an armdrag, then delivering a dropsault, rolling to his back and nip-up again, picking up Yagami... “Twisted Sister”(Twist Diamond Cutter)! heading to the top rope... 810 Splash, but Yagami used the Fighting Spirit That Shines Like a Beacon, rolling away! Jin quickly got to his feet, picking up Xander... and a LEGENDARY TECHNIQUE OF DESTINY!

But before he could get the pin, a man in a monkey suit and black tights hit the ring!

3Q: Wait a minuite... that looks like a certain simian wrestler we used to have around here... I’m not allowed to say his name but he portrayed a legendary wrestler who passed away, so we had to suspend the monkey man...

The monkey man would pull Yagami to his feet, hefting him in the air for a gorilla press slam to the floor! Then he picked up Xander Starr, planting him with a powerbomb, then putting him in a Gorilla Clutch! Xander tapped out, and Eric T. Figurehead entered the ring.

ETF: YOU LET HIM GO! LET HIM GO RIGHT NOW OR ELSE...

The monkey did let go of Xander... and hit a Gorilla Press Slam on ETF as well!

3Q: HOLY SHAZBOT! I don’t know what’s going on, or why he’s here.... but he just laid waste to the potential number one contenders... what will happen to the title hunt now? I’m afraid that’s all the time we have though...

FLEX Yes We Do Have Battletoads results!

FLEX: YES WE DO HAVE BATTLETOADS
Live at Body Slam University in Davie, Florida

ETF: Welcome everyone to Fighting League EXtreme’s “Yes We Do Have Battletoads”! We’re here live at Body Slam University... and yes that is a real place... and we are finally back indoors under florescent lights!

Fans: FLOR-ES-CENT LIGHTS *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*!

ETF: I am Commissioner Eric T Figurehead, and also our ring announcer since we don’t have a budget... luckily however we have Quentin Q Quentinstein as a commentator! We got eight great matches for you tonight...

“From The Cradle to Enslave” (Demon Mix) by Cradle of Filth hits and The Lost, including their newest member Gridiron, comes out, Mekhet with a microphone.

ETF: ...What do YOU want? To talk about how your prophecy was wrong, I hope?

Mekhet: Oh, no. The Oracle of Alucard is infallible. No... see, it was I that did not tell the truth. The Oracle has forseen that I will take the title from Yagami... but not at our last show. That battle was only to sow the seeds of my inevitable victory.

ETF: Right... and how was that? By getting beat by Jin fair and square?

Mekhet: What if I allowed him to win?

ETF: Wait, what?

Mekhet: I allowed him to defeat me. I LET him dodge my Spinning Leg Lariat. But only after his precious ‘Legendary Technique of Destiny’ failed him the first time.

ETF: But if you could defeat him, why throw the match? I’m not giving you a rematch... you blew it dude.

Mekhet: Did I? I will gain my rematch, Figurehead. Sooner than you think.

With that, The Lost leave.

ETF: ...Anyways. Our first match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from A Left Turn At Alberquerque, she is the LAWLgomorph, Maxine Warner!

“White Rabbit” by Jefferson Airplane hits as Maxine heads out to the SHEER TERROR of the crowd

ETF: And her...its... whichever... opponent... from The Chapel, she is out to kill someone, this is BRIDE!

“Battle Without Honor Or Humanity” hits as BRIDE comes out, wearing a yellow jumpsuit and matching motorcycle helmet

Match Negative One: Maxine Warner vs BRIDE

Warner and Bride start off trading punches, Warner getting the upper hand and throwing BRIDE to the ropes with an elbow smash, followed by a scoop slam and knee drop. BRIDE reverses a suplex attempt, getting an arm drag and a knee drop of her own before applying an armbar. Maxine gets to the ropes, but BRIDE manages to keep it up with a hiptoss and a suplex, but Maxine recovers with a DDT, then a half crab. BRIDE escapes, heading to the ropes and hitting a kneelkick, going to the top rope for a flip senton but Maxine rolls away. Maxine picks up BRIDE and hits a Belly to Belly, going to the top for a “Bunny Hop” (Flying Stomp)... but BRIDE stops her! To the top rope for a Butterfly superplex! BRIDE would go for the cover, one, two, kickout. BRIDE would go to the ropes to set up the “Black Mamba Special” (Baba Neckbreaker), but Maxine countered with a drop toe hold! Picking BRIDE up... BRIAR PATCH BOMB! (Hurricane Slam) One, two, three!

3Q: THAT WAS BRUTAL! The ring nearly JUMPED from the impact.... EVERYONE RUN FOR YOUR LIVES SHE’S GOING THROUGH THE CROWD... oh, she’s just heading to a snack machine. That was close. Anyways our next match is from the consequences of our last show, and we will see Fruitista in action for the very first time.

ETF: Introducing first... from West Blueberry, Massachusetts, he is the Bachelor of Arts In Thug and Thug Studies, JOHN XENA!

“The White Stuff” by Weird Al hits as Xena enters the ring, wearing what appears to be hubcap on a chain

ETF: And his opponent... from the cabbage patch... he is FRUITISTA!

“Punchi De Love Attack” by Sex Machineguns hits as Fruitista makes his way down the ramp

Match Zero: John Xena vs Fruitista

John would egg Fruitista on to lock up, but John would back off yelling “YOU CAN’T SMELL ME!”. Fruitista would try a lariat but Xena ducked it and hit a dropkick, trying and failing to follow up with an elbow drop. Fruitista CABBAGE PATCHED and picked Xena up, slamming him down twice before following up with a knee drop. Fruitista would throw him to the ropes, SPEAR! Cover, two, kickout. Fruitista would go for a suplex but John stomped Fruitista on the foot, going to the ropes for a lar... SPINEBUSTER COUNTER! FRUITISTA CABBAGE PATCHES MORE!

3Q: We might see a Cherry Bomb soon...

And sure enough, Fruitista lifts Xena up... CHERRY BOMB (Liger Bomb) One, two, KICKOUT! Fruitista picks Xena up.... ANOTHER CHERRY BOMB! No cover, though... lifts him again... XENA ELBOWS HIM IN THE STOMACH... THE LOL! (Fireman’s Carry) One, two, THREE!

3Q: WHAT A COMEBACK! HE OVERCAME ALL THE ODDS! AND THE FANS... are considering wether to buy pizza or hotdogs during intermission. ANYWAYS, our next match, the ever popular Grape Juice Jones faces off against the Rabid Elf.

ETF: Introducing first... from Soda Springs Idaho and weighing in at 33 grams of sugar, Grape Juice Jones!

“Junk Food” by Sex Machineguns hit as the fans popped!

ETF: And his opponent, from Somewhere Over the Rainbow, The Rabid Elf!

“The Trees” by Rush hits as the red-haired Elf runs to the ring.

Match One: Grape Juice Jones vs Rabid Elf

Grape Juice and Rabid Elf locked up, Jones pushing the elf down and gets a headlock, Elf getting to the ropes. Jones pulls him to the feet, irish whip, reversal, back elbow smash! The Rabid Elf would follow up with a flashing elbow, one count, Rabid Elf going for a snap suplex, another one count. Rabid Elf then pulls him to a vertical base again but Jones recouperates and hits a Euro uppercut, following up with a snapmare and a headlock. Rabid Elf recovers, shoots him off, lariat ducked, Jones hits one of his own! Pulls him up and sets up for the “Blender Special” (Full Nelson Atomic Drop -> Japan Leg Roll) but Rabid Elf elbows out of it, turns him around to set up for the “Snap Crackle Pop” (Gory Neckbreaker) but Grape Juice escapes, kick to the gut, Grape Crusher 99.... NO LOWBLOW! Senor Zebra didn’t see it! DDT by Rabid Elf, one, two, kickout. Rabid Elf goes to the top rope, goes for a flying splash but Grape Juice Jones gets the knees up! Jones gets to his feet, flying knee! Picks up Rabid Elf... Grape Crusher 99! One, two, three!

3Q: That was a great matchup. Coming up next is a match debuting some new blood in FLEX.

ETF: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Downtown Parts Unknown, Some Guy In A Mask!

“Still Alive” by GLaDOS hits as the man in the generic mask hits the ring. He would turn around, point at the turnbuckle, and yell “SHADDUP STEVE!”

ETF: And his opponent, from The Olive Garden in Hell, he is Chef BoyarDOOM!

“Fami-Resu Bomber” by Sex Machineguns hits as a man in a chef outfit and white mask comes out, carrying a leek in his hand.

Match Two: Some Guy In A Mask vs Chef BoyarDOOM

Some Guy and the Chef locked up and Some Guy got an arm drag. BoyarDOOM was put in an arm lock but got pokes Some Guy in the eyes. BoyarDOOM took advantage with a pair of elbow drops, getting a headlock on Some Guy. Some Guy gets to his feet, shoots the chef off, and hits a flying tackle. He picks the chef up and slams him before heading to the top for a moonsault, but BoyarDOOM crotches him by grabbing the ropes! Some Guy ends up in a tree of woe... ELBOWS TO THE KNEE! He hit a Manhattan Drop and headed to the top rope, Some Guy getting to the top dazed... CLEAVER CHOP! (Flying Baba Chop) He then picks the Guy up and hits his “DDT with MSG” for the three count.

3Q: What a brutal DDT by the Stir Fry Chef From Hell! Coming up next is a battle between The Lost and ESPN. As some of you know, ESPN member TOUCHDOWN! was kidnapped by The Lost and transformed into a minion they call “Gridiron”. This will be the first time we see Gridiron in action since his kidnapping, and he’s teaming with Thorn and Nachtzehrer.

ETF: The following is a six-man tag team match. Introducing first, The Slugger, Super Hockey, and Super Jockey, Extreme Sports Power Nexus!

“Are You Ready For Some Football?” hits as the trio come down, Slugger with a bat, Hockey with a hockey stick, and Jockey with a horsewhip.

ETF: And their opponents... representing the Lost, accomapnied by Mekhet and WENDIGO... Gridon, Thorn, and Nachtzehrer!

“From The Cradle To Enslave (Demon Mix)” by Cradle of Filth hits as the vampire gang heads down the ramp.

Match Three: ESPN vs The Lost

Super Jockey and Thorn started out first. Jockey would try a fireman’s and go for a cover for a one count and Thorn would answer with a snapmare and a chinlock. Jockey got to his feet and elbowed out of it, heading to the ropes but getting caught with a lariat. Tag to Nachtzehrer who hit a senton and went for a two count. Jockey tagged out to Super Hockey who came in with elbows to the powerhouse and threw him to the ropes for a drop toe hold followed by a leg drop to the back of the head. Nachtzehrer gets to his feet and starts hammering Super Hockey back, knocking him down with a brain chop then hitting and elbow drop. He picked up Super Hockey to throw him for a Polish Hammer but Slugger got the blind tag and after the Hammer, nailed Nachtzehrer with the “Cleat Kick!” (Shining Black) cover but Thorn broke it. Double DDT by Thorn and Nachtzehrer, Thorn gets back on the apron so Nachtzehrer can tag out to Thorn. Thorn hits a 53 Sai and applies a half crab, but Super Hockey breaks it. Slugger went outside to get his bat and rolled into the ring... Thorn stalls him with “The Enchantment of the Loa” (Magic Spell) and tags in Gridiron! Slugger holds the bat, but hesitates, and eventually dropped the bat. Gridiron POUNDED him with a lariat, then nailed him with an Implant DDT. Super Hockey and Super Jockey came in... both of them thwarted by a double Facemask Slam! (Claw Slam) Gridiron picks up Slugger... lifts him onto one shoulder... then hits a SICK Liger Bomb! One, two, three!

3Q: Slugger found himself unable to strike his best friend, and that best friend ended up drilling him into the canvas. The Lost triumph!

ETF: This next match is cheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Her Majesty’s Secret Service, he is SECRET AGENT MANN!

“Live and Let Die” hits as Mann enters the ring by rapelling from the ceiling!

ETF: And his opponent... from the jungles of Russia by way of New York City... he is COBRA STEALTH!

“Snake Eater” by MGS3 OST hits... but nobody comes out.

ETF: Stealth? Stealth? STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALTH?!

A cardboard box shuffles it’s way to the ring... and goes up behind Secret Agent Mann.

ETF: I guess we’re going to have to count him ou-

A man pops out of the cardboard box, grabbing Secret Agent Mann from behind!

ETF: Ring the bell!

Match Four: Secret Agent Mann vs Cobra Stealth

Mann escaped and fluidly went into a drop toe hold and a camel clutch, but Stealth freed himself and grabbed the rope. Mann picked Stealth up and threw him into the ropes, leapfrogging and then hitting Stealth with a sobat! He went for a snap suplex but Stealth blocked it and delivered a judo legsweep and went for an armbar! Mann bridged and got free, but Stealth hit a kicking combination ending with a spinkick! One, two, Secret Agent Mann kicked out. Mann would kick Stealth in the gut, setting up, SHAKEN NOT STIRRED (Sunset Flip Bomb)! One, two, kickout. Mann would hit a cross-legged brainbuster and get up top... MOONRAKERSAULT! One, two, kickout again. Secret Agent Mann would get frusted and set for “Live and Let Die” (Spicy Drop) but Stealth slipped out... getting into a sleeper position... a quick pull on Mann’s neck and he goes limp! Stealth covers, one, two, three!

3Q: Woah! Neck Snap from Cobra Stealth and he managed to beat the more experienced Secret Agent Mann! Nice win there! Coming up is our first of two title matches...

ETF: Our next match is scheduled for one fall and is for the Fighting League EXtreme Triple Play championship! Introducing first... from Kyoto, Japan, is the “Lovely Flower of Japan”, GEISHA MAN! From Sicily, Italy, the legitamite businessman, Milo Falcone! And finally, from his ancient temple in China, Kung-Fu-Man-Chu! They are the International House of Pain!

“Everybody was Kung-Fu Fighting” hits as the trio enters

3Q: El Toothpick conspicous by his absence, nobody has seen him since he was beaten down without IHOP even bothering to intervene...

ETF: And their opponents...

“La Bamba” by Los Lobos hits!

3Q: WAIT A SECOND! El Toothpick!

But El Toothpick was not alone! He was flanked by two luchadores, one in a brownish costume with antennae, and the other in a black mask and mariachi costume. The three of them rush the ring, and start beating on IHOP! The brown fighter manages to floor Geisha Man, then puts him in a move that resembled a Crossface, only with the opponent face-up and the lock on the back of the neck. The mariachi applied a simple jujigatame on Milo... and El Toothpick would hit the Toothchipper (Pedigree) on Kung-Fu-Man-Chu! El Toothpick got the mic.

El T: I am DONE with IHOP! I took my time off... and I recruited these two! El Hijo Del Mariachi and La Cucaracha! We are Los Ultimos Championes Honorable Asociation!

“Chuu Chuu Lovely Muni Muni Mura Mura Purin Purin Boron Nurururerorero” by Maximum The Hormone Hits, and TMG comes out.

El T: How about this... you three.. we face each other for title!

ETF: Hold on a second! I don’t think so, El Toothpick! But I’ll tell you what. You pick one of your boys. Ozzy will pick one of his boys. And Kung-Fu-Man-Chu, he’ll pick one of his boys. We have a three-way, first fall match. If a member of LUCHA or IHOP wins, they get contendership. If the TMG member wins, they get to choose their opponents instead.

The three teams confer... and eventually, Geisha Man, Sam S McCloud, and La Cucaracha enter the ring!

Match Five, Kinda: Geisha Man vs Sam S McCloud vs La Cucaracha

Geisha Man would rush La Cucaracha, hitting him with a jumping knee knocking them into the corner... and Geisha Man turns around and thrusts his backside at La Cucaracha! Sam heads over and grabs Geisha Man’s head, and does a Contra Code (Shiranui) off La Cucaracha! La Cucaracha recovers and springboards off the second rope to moonsault Sam, but Geisha Man breaks it and hits a Northern Lights Bomb! Geisha Man then climbs to the top rope, but Sam stops him, climbs up as well, and hits a SUPER 100 Mega Shock! (Vetrebreaker) One, two, three!

3Q: Wow! NICE move there by Sam S McCloud, and that means they get to name their opponents at the next show. I wonder who it’s going to be. But now, our main event... will Zeke the Luchacat be able to win his first championship? It’s a tall order but Zeke has been known to pull off big surprises in the past.

ETF: The following contest is our MAIN EVENT and is for the Grant Champion of Intense Combat title. Introducing first... from Orlando, Florida, he is the disgruntled theme park mascot... Zeke The Luchacat!

“Cat Scratch Fever” by Ted Nugent hits as the luchacat hits the ring...SWATTING a kid’s bag of popcorn down!

ETF: And his opponent... the Grand Champion of Intense Combat... The Greatest Hero... JIN! YAGAMI! JR!

“SID Icarus” by Machinae Supremacy hits Jin Yagami Jr makes his way to the ring... buying more popcorn for the kid too!

Main Event, Grand Champion Of Intense Combat Title Match: Zeke The Luchacat vs Jin Yagami Jr (c)

Jin locked up with Zeke, who went for a go behind and rolled Yagami up... and transitioned into a leg lock! Jin got to the ropes to break it. Jin went for a pair of hiptosses and went for a scoop slam but Zeke floated over, hit a Russian Legsweep, and applied a keylock!

3Q: This is unlike Zeke to use technical wrestling like this... and I think he’s a little taller too...

Jin managed to get to the ropes again and hit an elbow smash to stun Zeke, getting a snap suplex and picking him back up for another slam attempt that connects. Jin goes to attempt an STF but Zeke manages to free himself. Ducking a Jin lariat, he hits a big Enzuigiri! One, two, no!

3Q: Huh. That’s kinda like his Shining Hairball, but he didn’t step up...

Jin would block a German Suplex attempt, elbowing out of it and hitting one of his own! One, two, kickout. Zeke hit a big elbow smash and a hiptoss, and a backdrop, but Jin fought back and went for a Heroism Bomb! (Death Valley Bomb!) only a two count again. One, two, thr- NO! He went for another but Zeke elbowed Jin several times to get Jin to one knee... Octopus Hold! Jin started to fade... BUT THE FIGHTING SPIRIT THAT SHINES LIKE A BEACON KICKED IN! He fought his way out, hiptoss! Then he put Zeke in position for the “Legendary Technique of Destiny”...

But –10*C came out! And also Zeke! Only instead of his white singlet he was in heart-shaped boxers!

3Q: HOW THE?

The Zeke in the ring would backdrop out of it... AND HIS HEAD CAME OFF!

3Q: WAIT, THAT’S MEKHET!

Mekhet would pick up the fake Zeke head, tossing it to a confused Jin... SPINNING LEG LARIAT! Knocking the Zeke head into Jin’s face! Cover, one, two, three!

3Q: NO! THIS CAN’T BE! BUT HE WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE IN THIS MATCH!

Mekhet took the mic

Mekhet: Yes, -10*C... Zeke... my Lost did indeed attack you both and steal Zeke’s extra head... but it’s a moot point now. See, by FLEX bylaws... when the bell rang, for all intents and purposes, I was the rightful challenger for Yagami’s title. Therefore, I have fufilled the Oracle’s destiny...
and I am the Grand Champion of Intense Combat!

Jin got up groggily... ANOTHER SPINNING LEG LARIAT! The Lost come back from behind and four-on-two attack the Cool Cats! ESPN come out to save, and the Lost would make a retreat... but not before Mekhet took the GCoIC title with him!

ETF: Unfortunately... he’s right. He won the title. BUT! Next event... we will have an eight-man tournament. The winner of that tournament will face off against Mekhet for the Grand Champion of Intense Combat title... in a stipulation match... the stipulation of which I will not be privvy to! The eight men will be... Jin Yagami Jr. Andy Cryst. Grape Juice Jones. –10*C. Zeke the Luchacat. Baghead McCoy. Crazy Harry. And... a mystery 8^th man. Until then folks... so long and drive home safely.

I'll Show You The Law Of Diminishing Returns! Results!

FLEX: I’ll Show You The Law Of Diminishing Returns!
Live at section D of the parking lot of the BankAntlantic Center

Commissioner Eric T. Figurehead would start the show as usual

ETF: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to another exciting FLEX event. We couldn’t afford the actual BankAntlantic Center, BUT we were able to rent out the parking lot... well, only section D.

Crowd: SEC-TION D RULES! *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*

ETF: Now, as you all know, I am Eric T. Figurehead, and at ringside is the best commentator who works for free, Quentin Q. Quentinstein. Now, I have two announcements to make. First of all, this is to Mekhet and his Lost. As I mentioned before, ESPN is not supposed to be here tonight, and it’s ONLY because Mekhet is public enemy number 1 in FLEX, as well as the man in the main event, that I am allowing his minions to be here as well. I do not want what could well be the best match in FLEX’ history to be ruined. Therefore... not only am I not allowing The Lost to commit unprovoked attacks against anyone in the FLEX roster... but! I am not allowing anyone at ringside. If you interfere with this match in any way, wether you are with ESPN, The Lost, IHOP, or by yourself, you will be fired on the spot! Now, for the second announcement... the winner of the FLEX Grand Champion of Intense Combat title match tonight will be the FLEX representative for the battle royal at The World Warriors as well, pending that Team FLEX wins their match... and while we’re on that subject... as an extra incentive to Team FLEX, if they do indeed win at The World Warriors, they will take part in a one-night tournament to determine which of them will get a shot at the Grand Champion of Intense Combat title.

ETF: And now without further Apu, our first match! Introducing first, she is from the Army Base, this is ARMY WOMAN!

“War (What is it Good For)” hits as Army Woman comes down to the ring, SALUTING as she does so

ETF: And her opponent... the high flying tomboy of DPW-J... from Newark, New Jersey, this is Crazy Red!

“Bad Reputation” by Joan Jett hits as Crazy Red enters the ring to a HUGE reaction.

MATCH NEGATIVE ONE: ARMY WOMAN VS CRAZY RED

Red comes out right at the gate with a crossbody for a one count followed by a flying shoulderblock and a leg drop. Army Woman would recover with an armdrag and elbow drop, throwing Red into the ropes and hitting a forearm smash. Army Woman would try another whip but Red would reverse... RED ALERT (Mountain Bomb)! Red would follow up with a superkick and a figure four, Army Woman escaping to the ropes. Army Woman would go for a snapmare and armlock, Red bridging out and getting a hiptoss... then hitting the Redline (Striking Lariat)! One, two, three!

3Q: WOW! Red winning this match in record time! Crazy Red is one of the top stars of DPW-J and I’m sure she might be looking at facing their champion Bloody Mary soon!

“And The Wind Cries Mary” by Jimi Hendrix hits as a man in tie-dye pants and long hair with bare feet comes down to the ring.

?: Duuuuuude... My name is Munchie... and I totally want to make someone totally bleed all over man.... So I’m calling an open challenge for a far-out deathmatch right now, man... you cool with that, man?

ETF: Uh... sure. Ahem... the next contest is a deathmatch with no disqualifications. Introducing first, from Woodstock, 1999, he is the Deathmatch Hippie, Munchie! And his opponent...

“Sympathy for the Devil/Skeleton Christ” hits as Andy Cryst appears!

ETF: From Hell, Michigan, The Satanic Hero Andy Cryst!

Match Zero: Munchie vs Andy Cryst

Andy and Munchie squared off, Andy getting a fireman’s carry and a quick one count. Munchie would get to his feet and deliver a series of elbow smashes then a scoop slam, getting a chair but Andy would duck the swing and hit him with a shoulder tackle. Andy would hit a knee drop and get the chair, yelling “Eat this chair in the name of SATAN!” as he decked the hippie with it.

3Q: Only in FLEX will you see people cheering on a devil worshipper as he beats up a hippie.

Andy would bounce off the ropes but Munchie would recover and get a big hiptoss and a splash for a quick two count. Munchie would then get the chair and go for a “Psychadelic Driver” (Schwein) on the chair but Andy slipped out... locked his hands for a German but Munchie elbowed out... Munchie whiffs a lariat... kick.. SIX SIX STUNNER! One, two, kickout at two. Andy would go to the floor and go under the ring to get a table, setting it up before putting Munchie on it, then went up for a Six Six Splash (450 Splash).... BUT MUNCHIE ROLLS OFF THE TABLE! Munchie would hit a Psychadelic Driver and go for the pin... one... two... KICKOUT! Andy would DDT Munchie onto the chair then set him up... The Human Slinky (Delphin style rolling Germans)! One, two... THREE!

3Q: What a big win by Andy Cryst! Coming up next is a FLEX first... a match where no humans are involved! Can a bear beat a monkey? Let’s hope we find out before PETA finds out about this match!

ETF: The following contest is scheduled for one fall... introducing first... from someone’s insane imagination... the organ-grinding strong style legend... MONKEYSAWA!

“Pop Goes The Weasel” hits as Monkeysawa comes out with his organ grinder.

ETF: And it’s opponent... representing the Three Bears... the mist-spewing demon bear... he is THE GREAT BEARTA!

“Teddy Bear Picnic” hits as a bear with a Muta mask enters the ring... and spits mist into the air!

Match One: Monkeysawa vs Great Bearta

Monkeysawa would deliver a series of elbows until Bearta raked the eye and hit a dragon screw, following up with a leglock. Monkeysawa would roll through and get a half crab but Bearta gets the ropes. Bearta gets to his feet and gets a headlock, spitting out mist and gouging the eyes of Monkeysawa and set up for a ribbreaker then a Bearsault... but Monkeysawa rolls away! He lifts Monkeysawa up and goes for the “Banana Flowsion” but Bearta floats over...

GLASS SHATTERED!

3Q: Uh-oh....

And then “Attitude” by Metallica hits, the theme music for Panda Team! “Dollywood” Bulk Rogan and “Stone Bald” Steve Houston would enter the ring and attack the animal combatants causing an immediate no contest. Rogan would throw Monkeysawa over the ropes to the floor... Houston hits a Stone Bald Stunner! Rogan follows up with a leg drop...

And then “Carmen Overture” hits and THE XANDIMATE WARRIOR enters the ring! Lariat to Rogan! Lariat to Houston! Lariat to Bearta! Monkeysawa enters the ring... ROARING ELBOW! But the Xandimate Warrior gets to his feet... LARIAT! SPLASH!

“Teddy Bear Picnic” plays again, and Curry Bear and Big Bear come out, and an all-out melee between Three Bears, Panda Team, Xandimate Warrior and Monkeysawa breaks out....

THEN! “Orange Juice” by Sex Machineguns hit... and out of nowhere comes A MASSIVE MUSCLEBOUND HUNK OF FRUIT!

3Q: I heard about this guy... he’s the infamous Fruitista!

Fruitista CABBAGE PATCHED and rushed the ring, cleaning house and taking people out one by one... up until the Xandimate Warrior... then delivered the “Cherry Bomb”! He would then cabbage patch in the ring until the Commissioner would enter the ring.

ETF: I have no idea what just happened there...

3Q: That makes two of us.

ETF: HEY! No talking while I’m talking, or you lose your slice of the pizza. ANYWAY! The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is a tag team match. Introducing first... From a Cold Day In Hell, the only wrestler named after a metric temperature... –10*C! And his opponent, from Orlando, Florida, the disgruntled theme park mascot Zeke The Luchacat! They are the COOL CATS!

“Cat Scratch Fever/Cold As Ice” mixed by FishHook Productions hits as the rudo team enters

ETF: And their opponents.... they are part of the team that will represent us at The World Warriors... from Soda Springs, Idaho and weighing in at 33 grams of sugar, GRAPE JUICE JONES! And his partner, from the year 2084, Saiba Punk!

“Inch’Allah” by Samael hits as the babyfaces come out, lights dimmed to show Saiba Punk’s glow-in-the-dark costume. Because apparently glow-in-the-dark is all the rage in the future.

Match Two: Cool Cats vs Grape Juice Jones & Saiba Punk

Zeke and Jones started off, locking up until Zeke stomped on Jones’ foot and delivered a series of overhand chops. He would deliver a snapmare and then crossfaced Jones until Punk broke it up.

3Q: Saiba Punk has the weirdest hair ever... it’s all blue, he’s got stubble AND a Mohawk AND a ponytail. Future barbers are nucking futs.

Jones got the tag and Saiba delivered a spingboard forearm smash, following up with a flashing elbow. Cover, two, kickout. Zeke would poke the eye and get a scoop slam before tagging out to –10*C. –10*C would hit a legdrop and work the leg of Saiba Punk until he kicked –10*C free. He would hit a DDT and go for a leglock of his own but Zeke broke it up. Saiba got a fireman’s carry and a headlock, but –10*C got to a vertical base and elbowed Saiba to break it, giving him a powerbomb before setting up for the Wizard of Winter (Shining Wizard) but Saiba managed to roll away and tag out. Jones entered the ring and –10*C would try to powerbomb him too but he tossed –10*C up... GRAPE JUICE OF WRATH (Flapjack Cutter)! Zeke would break the pin and hit “Cat Scratch Fever” (Garvin Stomp) and –10*C would head up to the top for the “Ice Bird Press” (Fire Star Splash), but Grape Juice would kick out. –10*C would follow up with the Drop Toe Hold of DOOM but Saiba reached in for the tag! –10*C would walk right into a “Blue Screen of Death” (Complete Shot) but Zeke would interfere again... SHINING HAIRBALL (Shining Enzuigiri)! Zeke would get ready to put –10*C’s arm over Saiba but Grape Juice stopped him... Grape Crusher ’99! (Ki Krusher). He then put Saiba’s arm over –10*C... one... two.. three!

3Q: That was a great battle and next up is the Trip... HOW THE...

OMG SPECIAL VIDEO SEGMENT!!!

3Q: ...Oh man... that was probably the most SHOCKING moment in FLEX history folks...

ETF: And our next contest... for the FLEX Triple Play Championship! Introducing first... they are from Hollywood, Florida... Brian, Jimmy, and Zach, the BALDWIN BROTHERS!

“Buried in the Box” by Cage hit as the trio who managed to cheat their way to a win over OTAKU and McCloud hit the ring

ETF: And their opponents, the FLEX Triple Play Champions... from Neo Tokyo, The Ultimate Anime Fanboy, And The Only FLEX Wrestler Who Is Over Nine Thousand, OTAKU! From All Capcom Staff, He is also one-half of the DPW Tag Team Champions, The Original Gamer Sam S McCloud, and finally from the Sonny Chiba Prefecture of Japan, A Member of Team FLEX, “Mr. Sushi and Rice” Ozzy DaBoe! They are TEAM MOON GAS 200Y!

“Chuu Chuu Lovely Muni Muni Mura Mura Purin Purin Boron Nurururerorero” by Maximum The Hormone hits as the most popular group in FLEX hit the ring to a HUGE reaction!

Match Three, FLEX Triple Play Championship: Baldwin Bros vs TMG200Y(c)

3Q: Remember folks, the Triple Play Championship is defended under elimination rules.

Jimmy and Ozzy started out, locking up and Jimmy would get the advantage, kicking Ozzy in the sternum and hitting a fireman’s carry then started pulling the purple locks of Ozzy. Ozzy would point to the sky and yell “LOOK OVER THERE!” Jimmy looked up and Ozzy would escape hitting a basement dropkick to Jimmy’s face. Tag to OTAKU who jumped the ropes and delivered a series of martial arts kicks before getting an arm wrench hook kick! OTAKU would POSE and go for the “Shonen Jump” (Standing Moonsault but Jimmy rolled away and tagged Brian. Brian got a keylock which OTAKU would bridge out of, slipping out and hitting a flip senton. Jimmy would argue with the ref that that was, somehow, illegal, and OTAKU would tag to Sam... but the ref didn’t see it! Brian would signal to his youngest brother and Jimmy jumped into the ring as they double teamed OTAKU.

3Q: This is what they do, folks... cheat over and over to make it almost impossible for their opponents to win!

Brian would hoist Jimmy up and Jimmy leaped into the air and hit an Ace Crusher! B3! Jimmy rolled out of the ring and Brian covered... one... two... THREE! Sam S McCloud would enter next... TIGER KNEE! He followed up with a “Triforce Lock” and Brian tapped out!

Jimmy rolled into the ring and hit a jumping knee on Sam S McCloud, throwing him to the ropes and hitting him with a big lariat. He would hold Sam’s hand close to DaBoe who would try to enter the ring... but the referee stopped him! Brian would toss Jimmy a chair, and DaBoe would point to the ref... but Jimmy tossed the chair into Sam’s hands and fell over! Sam was DQed!

Ozzy DaBoe was next in the ring, and Sam would argue with the ref, and Jimmy picked up the chair and tried the same trick... but DaBoe would smack HIMSELF with the chair and go over! Jimmy was confused and go for “Jimmy Crack Skull” (Coconut Crush) but DaBoe would block it and hit a backslide! One, two, three!

3Q: And now we’re down to one on one.... Zach Baldwin is usually just a manager...

Zach would climb to the top rope and go for a crossbody, getting a two count. Zach would jump around and pose, and DaBoe would get up and put his palm up. “STOP... Ozzy Time!” Ozzy would start dancing, and Team Chuu Chuu would enter the ring too... Jimmy and Brian tried to warn Zach but his confusion would lead to a Para Para Plex! One, two, three!

3Q: And everyone’s favorite trio pull it off again! Coming up next is the return of one of our stars that everyone has been waiting to see again. The one and only Spud will face off against Geisha Man of the International House of Pain. Speaking of IHOP, El Toothpick hasn’t been seen as of late since he was beaten down by the Takeda Corp. Apparently he feels that IHOP abandoned him.

ETF: The following contest is scheduled for one fall... introducing first, representing the International House of Pain... from Kyoto, Japan, “The Lovely Flower of Japan”... GEISHA MAN!

“Soko ni Anataga” by Sex Machineguns hit as Geisha Man entered the ring, carrying a parasol and throwing cherry blossom leaves into the crowd.

ETF: And his opponent... from Mullet City, Montana, the man with a stick, SPUD!

“Freebird” by Lynard Skynard hits as Spud would make his way down the ring, carrying his signature twig.

Match Four: Geisha Man vs Spud

Geisha Man would blow a kiss at Spud, who would be confused by the flirting Geisha Man, allowing him to gain the upper hand with an eye rake and snapmare to a headscissors. Spud did a handstand to escape, floating over to a headlock. Geisha Man got to a vertical base but Spud was able to hit him with a bulldog. Spud went for a kneedrop but Geisha Man got away and pulled him to his feet, and getting a testicular claw... the referee would admonish Geisha Man who would turn it to a modified dragon screw!

3Q: Ouch. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Well, maybe my father-in-law.

Geisha Man now roll to the apron and hit a hilo getting a two count. Geisha would then get a cobra twist and take Spud to the canvas for a distrurbing looking submission, but Spud would break the grip and get an armbar. Geisha Man would get to the ropes but Spud would give him a hiptoss and another armbar. Geisha Man would then grope Spud’s leg making the mullet warrior let go of the hold, and Geisha Man would hit the “Obi Smash” (Running Hip attack) and head to the top rope for “Memoirs of a Geisha” (Corkscrew Moonsault) but Spud rolled out of the way! Spud would then pick Geisha Man up and hit the Eye of the Potato (Lifting Final Cut)! One, two, three!

3Q: GREAT bout. And now it can be the end of an era and the beginning of a dark, twisted reign. Jin Yagami Jr will do battle with the insidious leader of the Lost, Mekhet. We have seen what evil depths Mekhet can sink too.

ETF: And now, the MAIN EVENT! This is for the Fighting League Extreme Grand Champion of Intense Combat title... introducing the challenger... he is the leader of the Lost... Mekhet!

“From the Cradle to Enslave (Demon Mix)” by Cradle of Filth hits as the leader of the Lost walks down the ring by himself.

3Q: The other Lost members are banned from ringside so they cannot taint this match.

ETF: And his opponent, the Grand Champion of Intense Combat... from Tokyo, Japan... the GREATEST HERO! JIN YAGAMI JR!

“SID Icarus” by Machinae Supremacy hits as the icon of FLEX heads to the ring with his plastic championship belt.

MAIN EVENT, GRAND CHAMPION OF INTENSE COMBAT TITLE: Mekhet vs Jin Yagami Jr (c)

Mekhet and Jin lock up, and Mekhet managed to push Jin into the ropes... clean break... elbow to the face of Jin followed up by a snapmare takeover and a chinlock! Yagami managed to fight to a vertical base, managed to slip down and get into a drop toehold into a sitting armlock. Mekhet managed to free himself and get a modified crucifix pin for a one count. Back to a vertical base and Mekhet would try to get a suplex but Yagami blocked it and delivered one of his own, going to the ropes but MISSING the elbow, Mekhet getting a grapevine leg lock. Yagami would get to the ropes but Mekhet would drag him back for a leglock, Yagami this time rolled out of it to escape.

3Q: Neither man getting a clear advantage here, Mekhet may indeed be capable of beating Yagami...

Mekhet got and armdrag and a keylock, but Yagami would kick with his feet and flip over to reverse the hold into a floatover for a one count. Mekhet would get a headlock, Yagami shooting him off but getting hit with a lariat. Mekhet would pick Yagami up and throw him to the ropes but is reversed... arm drag by Yagami followed up by a big knee drop! Yagami would lift Mekhet up onto his shoulders... HEROISM BOMB! One, two, no!

3Q: That Heroism Bomb was right on the money! How did Mekhet kick out?

Mekhet would be reeling, and Yagami would hit a pair of body slams before heading to the ropes... BIG lariat! Yagami would signal for it... and he would hit the Legendary Technique of Destiny! ONE, TWO... KICKOUT?!

3Q: No way... NO WAY... nobody EVER kicks out of the Legendary Technique of Destiny!

Yagami would lift Mekhet up for a German Suplex, but Mekhet would elbow out of it and throw Mekhet into the corner, running to the Hero and hitting an avalanche! Hiptoss by Mekhet and measured Jin up.... ENZUIGIRI! One, two, kickout!

3Q: Mekhet’s Enzuigiri kick is deadly, but Jin won’t go down that easily.

Mekhet would head to the top rope for a moonsault to the back of Mekhet, and would HAMMERFIST Yagami over and over until the ref finally forced him to let up... then he picked Jin up for a Schweingatame! Jin started fading.... but the FIGHTING SPIRIT THAT SHINES LIKE A BEACON kicked in! Jin managed to free his legs and escape the hold, to Mekhet’s dismay... Mekhet would go to the ropes for the spinning leg lariat... but Yagami dropped prone! The stunned Mekhet would be easily set up.... Legendary Technique of Destiny! One, two, three!

3Q: HE DID IT! THE GREATEST HERO MANAGED TO OVERCOME THE DEMONIC MEKHET!

Jin would be standing tall now, taking the GCoIC title and holding it in the air, and Mekhet would roll out of the ring and The Lost would arrive to pick up their leader... but Mekhet... was smiling.

3Q: ...That is effin CREEPY. I mean, why is he smiling after losing his chance at the title? Well, that’s our show folks, until next time this is Quentin Q. Quentinstein signing off!

Tonight! We Dine On Turtle Soup! Results

FLEX: Tonight! We Dine On Turtle Soup!
Live at the parking lot of Keiser University at Ft. Lauderdale Florida!

The show opened with Eric T Figurehead in the ring

ETF: Welcome technical arts and medical students to Fighting League EXtreme! Tonight we’ve got a treat for you, we got six great matches and a match with Courage Takeda in it, the main event is for the Grand Champion of Intense Combat title, and what you all REALLY came for, the free hot dogs.

Students: FREE-E HOT-DOGS! *CLAP CLAP CLAPCCLAPCLAP *

ETF: I am commissioner Eric T. Figurehead, and because we can’t pay anyone better to do it I’m also the ring announcer. However, Quentin Q. Quentinstein is here for the free hot dogs, so we have some commentary! More importantly, we got wrestlers! In fact, here comes two of them now. Introducing first, from CBGB’s, she is the current Jersey All Women’s Sports Queen of the Deathmatch and the Princess of Punk, this is Robyn Rotten!

“God Save the Queen” by the Sex Pistols hits as Robyn enters the ring and holds her title in the air.

ETF: And her opponent, from Parties Unknown, this is CrazyTime YUKA!

“Party Party”- Shin Chan English Outro Theme hits as the multicolored masked woman makes her entrance.

Match Zero: Robyn Rotten vs CrazyTime YUKA

Robyn slaps YUKA in the face and elbows her before going for the irish whip, but YUKA reverses and hits a flying lariat and follows up with a standing moonsault for two count. Robyn would get a European uppercut and pokes YUKA’s eye, getting a body slam and working over YUKA’s leg. YUKA would counter with a Japan Roll Leg Clutch for a one count. An incensed Robyn would throw Yuka in the corner and apply a choke, getting admonised by the referee and being opened up for a Roaring Elbow. YUKA attempted the Crazy Driver (Blue Thunder), but Robyn backflipped to her feet, got an arm drag, and applied her “Sid Vicious Special” (Misawa-style facelock) finishing hold. YUKA would get to the ropes, but Robyn would give her a Manhattan drop, a drop toe hold, then applied her “STF My Way” (Cross STF) for another submission attempt, but YUKA again got to the ropes. Robyn would try for a dragon screw, but YUKA hit the enzuigiri and deliver a Crazy Driver for the three count.

3Q: What a great match, and YUKA gets a big win over the main champion of JAWS. Next up is the first official match of two new members of ESPN, Super Jockey and the returning Super Hockey, against another debuting team, Mr. B and Baghead McCoy.

ETF: The following is a tag team match scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, they represent Extreme Sports Power Nexus, first from Churchill Downs please welcome Super Jockey! And his partner, from Zamboni, Alberta, Canada, this is Super Hockey!

“Back in the Saddle Again” by Aerosmith hits as the duo enters, a bit down with the kidnapping of the ESPN co-founder TOUCHDOWN

ETF: And their opponents.... introducing first, from the Supermarket, this is Baghead McCoy! And his partner, from his Helluva Fast Van, he is Mr. B!

“The Original”(Faust’s Theme) by Daisuke Ishiwatari hits as a man in brown short tights, a paper bag (with smiling face in black marker) mask and nothing else comes out, followed by what can only be described as a white Mr. T impersonator.

Match One: Super Hockey and Super Jockey of ESPN vs Baghead McCoy and Mr B

Super Jockey and Baghead McCoy started out, the smaller ESPN member (and smallest man in the ring) using his agility to get the upper hand and get a headscissors and handspring frontflip leg drop. Baghead would thumb the eye and get a snapmare followed by a chinlock, but Super Jockey would get to his feet and try a shawn capture leglock. Baghead tagged out and B stomped on Jockey and threw him into the corner. Hockey made the tag and did a springboard forearm, making B stagger. B would hit a lariat and follow up with a backbreaker, following up with a wheelbarrow facebuster and apply a camel clutch, but Jockey managed to break it. Super Hockey would hit a huge shoulder tackle and go for a pin: One, two, kickout at two. Mr. B tagged out, and Baghead McCoy hit a flying knee to Super Jockey, then hit Super Hockey with a “Bag Lunch” (Danshoku Driver), following up with a “Smiley Face” (Crossface), forcing the ESPN member to tap.

3Q: The rudo tag team picks up the win there... next up is a technico contra technico match... and if Sam S McCloud is listening, no not THAT kind of ‘Contra’.

ETF: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Soda Springs Idaho and weighing in at 33 grams of sugar, this is Grape Juice Jones!

“Junk Food” by Sex Machineguns hits as Grape Juice comes out carrying a super soaker full of grape juice, spraying some of the med students with it.

3Q: I’d make a joke about that, but this is a family show. Wait, it’s not? Oh well... it looks like...

ETF: And his opponent, from the Barnum and Bailey circus by way of the local chapter of the Hell’s Angels, this is Crispy the Homicidal Clown!

“I’m just a Rock and Roll Clown” by Dr. Rockso hits as Crispy comes out with a brand new pair of baggy pants!

Match Two: Grape Juice Jones vs Crispy the Homicidal Clown

The Juicy one and Crispy traded elbows at first, Crispy throwing a right hand and throwing Jones into the ropes, a lariat being ducked and Jones hit a knee clip and followed it up with an elbow drop. Jones would head to the ropes to follow up but Crispy got up and hit a shoulder tackle. Crispy picked up Jones by the head to slam him, adding a stomp to the chest. Jones recovered and hit a kneelkick and sobat, heading to the ropes and coming back with a flying forearm for a two count. Crispy would counter with a backbreaker and a standing leg drop for a two count of his own. Jones would hit a slam of his own and go to the top for a “Juice Mixer”(450 Splash), but Crispy got the knees up. Crispy went for a “Big Top Drop” (F-5) but Jones floated over, and set up for a “Grape Crusher 99” (Ki Krusher) but it was blocked, and Crispy put him in position: Last Ride Powerbomb! He called for the “Alleyoop!” but Jones reversed the Irish whip setup... GRAPE JUICE OF WRATH! (Flapjack Cutter) One, two, three!

ETF: The following is a street fight scheduled...

Eric T. Figurehead's intro would be stopped by the music of "Trans" as none other than Jakob Furis came out from the Keiser University building to the ring, flapping his wings on the way as if he was flying... on the way, however, he crashed into one of the hot dog tables.

Students: THAT'S OUR HOT-DOGS *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLCAPCLAP*

Furis eventually got up and said he "meant to do zat to horrify the fans" and entered the ring.

3Q: What the hell? Jakob Furis is here... we were about to have a grudge match between Slugger and Mekhet... and Furis looks even more out of it than usual, I mean, he didn’t even TURN to that hot dog table, it was RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF HIM for like fifty feet!

Furis: TREMBLE IN VEAR, FLEX, FOR JAKOB FURIS HAS AVVIVED!

Crickets chirped.

Furis: *ahem* I am here for I have learned that zere is a group of so-called vampires who call themselves "The Lost". And zat there leader, Mekhet, believes himself to be a powerful vampire. Nonsense!! I do not appreciate zis arrogance! For I am the only true monster of the wrestling vorld! You so-called "Lost" should follow ME!

Suddenly, "From The Cradle to Enslave" (Demon Mix) by Cradle of Filth played as The Lost entered the ringside area. Mekhet took a good long hard look at Furis... then smiled... then chuckled... then LAUGHED. He had a nice long laugh before taking the mic.

Mekhet: Is this someone's idea of a practical joke? Honestly, Furis, who put you up to this? Do you honestly believe that you are anything more but an insignificant SPECK compared to me? I had lived for thousands of years, I was centuries old when I witnessed Christ's execution. I am the one who has set so many atrocities of the world into motion. Tell me, Furis, what have YOU ever done that was important? You are so insignificant, Furis, that your coming... and the utter decimation that you will suffer if you continue to mock me... was not even mentioned in the Oracle of Alucard. Now get out of my ring, or you will not live to regret it.

Furis: Vhat is this Oracle of Alucard? Evil vampires like me do not listen to this popular music!! Now, you dare challenge the mighty Furis? Vell you shall soon see that doing so was a folly, for no man alive can defeat me!

As soon as Furis said that, The Slugger jumps a nearby fence to the parking lot and makes a dash to the ring with a baseball bat, sliding into the ring and CLOBBERING Furis with it, knocking him out like a light! Slugger then pointed the bat at Mekhet, who smirked and entered the ring to finally begin the grudge match.

Match Three, Street Fight: The Slugger vs Mekhet

3Q: Well here we go, folks. Slugger is the teammate of TOUCHDOWN who The Lost kidnapped at Dance Dance Grand Guitar Brawl, and we have NO IDEA where TOUCHDOWN is, if he’s okay, what they have planned for him...

Slugger swings the bat at Mekhet, who steps aside letting the bat hit the ropes and rebounding to Slugger’s face, Mekhet immediately hitting an Enzuigiri for a two count. Mekhet would get a camel clutch but Slugger would manage to free himself, hitting a forearm and throwing Mekhet into the corner, winding up and chopping him across the chest. Slugger would pick up the bat again but Thorn stopped him with “The Enchantment of the Loa” (Magic Spell) and the referee would kick The Lost out of ringside as Mekhet took advantage with a jumping elbow smash and a leglock. Slugger would break free and grab his bat again, and this time connected with Mekhet, sending Mekhet to the floor, and Slugger headed out with him, smashing Mekhet on the head with the apron. Slugger went to the overturned hot dog table, setting it upright and bringing it closer to the ring, Mekhet recovering and elbowing Slugger in the face, grabbing a kendo stick from under the ring and caning Slugger with it before bringing it over his throat. Slugger elbowed free and headbutted Mekhet, throwing Mekhet onto the table and getting up on it too, setting up for a piledriver, but Mekhet backdropped out of it sending Slugger crashing onto the floor. Mekhet rolled Slugger back into the ring and grabbed a chain from under the ring, following into the ring and wrapping the chain against Slugger’s throat.

Mekhet pulled Slugger up and tried to run him over the ropes but Slugger blocked it and and elbowed Mekhet off and set up for a Yokosuka Cutter, but Mekhet landed on his feet and hit another Enzuigiri knocking Slugger down again. Mekhet would head to the floor and set the table against the apron, however Slugger got up, smashed Mekhet over the back of the head with the bat, and rolled Mekhet back in the ring. Slugger went too, and hit a Yokosuka Cutter, following up with his finishing Baseball Slide kicking Mekhet onto the table. He went to the top rope but Thorn appeared again at ringside against the ref’s orders, using the “Enchantment of the Loa” to keep him from leaping off. The referee would go to Thorn to admonish him and doesn’t see WENDIGO and Nachtzehrer heading into the ring from the other side, WENDIGO grabbing Slugger’s leg as Mekhet got off the table, then Nachtzehrer shoved him off the top rope and THROUGH the table! The two of them unceremonously tossed Slugger back into the ring and fled, and Thorn would withdraw, the referee none the wiser!

3Q: I don’t believe it! Mekhet’s Lost managed to outwit the referee, and this looks to be over...

Sure enough, a Spinning Leg Lariat later, and a three count would end this fight. Mekhet stands up, smirks at Furis (who is STILL unconsious after the bat to the face, and is carried out of the ring by two med students) and leaves to a chorus of jeers.

3Q: What will it take to stop these evil men from wrecking havoc on FLEX? And more importantly, why did they kidnap TOUCHDOWN? Are they holding him for ransom to gain a chance at the Grand Champion of Intense Combat Title perhaps?

ETF: The following contest is a tag team attraction. Introducing first, representing Team Moon Gas 200Y, first from All Capcom Staff, the Original Gamer, Sam S McCloud! And his tag team partner, from Neo Tokyo, OTAKU!

“Chu Chu Lovely Muni Muni Mura Mura Purin Purin Boron Nurururerorero” by Maximum The Hormone hits as two-thirds of the Triple Play champions come out, Sam dressed as Izzy Sparks from Guitar Hero and OTAKU as Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon

3Q: What the...

ETF: And their opponents... from Hollywood, Florida, accompanied to the ring by their middle brother Zach, Brian and Jimmy, the Baldwin Brothers!

“Buried In The Box” by Cage hits as the trio enters, Jimmy and Brian wearing blue and white singlets with Zach wearing all-white casual clothes.

Match Four: TMG200Y vs Baldwin Brothers

Sam and Jimmy started out first, both man locking up and Jimmy stomping on the foot of Sam, getting an arm wrench and a hammerlock, transitioning to a headlock and thumbing him in the eye. The referee admonished Jimmy who was stepping on Sam’s foot to prevent a tag.

3Q: Brian is the oldest and the leader of the group, Zach is the middle brother and the brains, Jimmy is the youngest and the dirtiest fighter of the three Baldwins. Brian and Jimmy were GPW Tag Team champions for over a year until they lost to their longtime rivals Los Extremos.

Jimmy got a leglock applied and tagged in Brian, who elbow dropped Sam in the back of the head and went for the cover. One, two, kickout. Jimmy would assist Brian with a double backdrop and roll out of the ring, Brian getting another two count. Brian would then go for a sleeper hold. Sam managed to recover and throw Brian to the ropes... TIGER KNEE! He went to tag OTAKU... but Zach distracted the referee! He pointed to OTAKU who protested saying he tagged legally, Brian clapped real hard and Jimmy entered the ring, hoisting Sam in the air as Brian hit a cutter! B-3! Cover, one, two, kickout at two. Jimmy tagged Brian back in, and the two of them threw Sam into the ropes and hit a double lariat. Brian would set up for a superkick, but Sam blocked it and hit an “Instant Hell Murder” (53 Sai) and got the tag to OTAKU! OTAKU leaped on the top rope and pulled a rose out of his tuxedo pocket. He threw the rose at Brian and yelled “Just call me OTAKU Mask!” before hitting a huge flying sidekick for a two count.

Brian would be thrown to the ropes and Jimmy would get a blind tag, OTAKU hitting a sobat, followed up by the “Slashfic Special” (Syxx Factor to an Onryo Clutch), but Jimmy wouldn’t have to worry about a break, stomping on the canvas... and OTAKU ate a Superkick! Brian faked stepping into the ring and Sam put his leg through the ropes too, Brian pointing at Sam which made the ref pay attention to Sam as Brian entered the ring and put OTAKU on his shoulders, Jimmy got on the top... BALDWIN DEVICE! (Doomsday Crossbody) One, two, kickout. OTAKU recovered, wrenched Jimmy’s arm and went for a hook kick but Brian yanked at the ropes making OTAKU slip as he went to the top for “Black Magic M-66”. Jimmy would then hit the “Jimmy Crack Skull” (Coconut Crush) while Zach grabbed onto Sam’s leg and Jimmy would score a pinfall.

3Q: THOSE DAMN BALDWIN BROTHERS MANAGED TO STEAL A WIN! Coming up next is something stemming from Dance Dance Grand Guitar Brawl, El Toothpick is going to do battle with Courage Takeda.

ETF: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first representing the International House of Pain, he is from Tijuana Mexico, El Toothpick!

“La Bamba” by Los Lobos hits as the seven foot luchador enters the ring

ETF: And his opponent, representing the Takeda Corporation and hailing from Tokyo Japan, this is Courage Takeda!

“Dethharmonic” by Dethklok hits as Courage is being dragged to the ring by Takeda-sama and Akira Yamazaki

Match Five: El Toothpick vs Courage Takeda

El Toothpick locks up with Courage and gets a headlock, then backed off yelling “El se mojo!”

3Q: The fuck? Did he just say “He is wet”... EWWW!!!!

El Toothpick hit a flying knee on Courage then scooped and slammed him, following up with a knee drop. He then lifted Courage to his feet and hit the Toothchipper. One, two, three.

3Q: And in record time El Toothpick puts away Courage Takeda!

El Toothpick would celebrate, but Takeda-sama entered the ring, kicked him in the midsection... HOSTILE TAKEOVER! (Blade Kick) he and Akira Yamazaki attacked El Toothpick brutally with stomps!

3Q: Wait a second, where is IHOP? Why aren’t they helping out here?

ETF: And now it’s time for the main event... for the Grand Champion of Intense Combat title! Introducing first, from Beelzulbub, Florida, he is Satanic Role Model to Kids Everywhere, Andy Cryst!

“Sympathy for the Devil/Skeleton Christ” by Tiamat/Slayer hit as the challenger entered the ring.

ETF: And his opponent, the Grand Champion of Intense Combat, from Tokyo Japan, he is the Greatest Hero, Jin Yagami Jr!

“Sid Icarus” by Machinae Supremacy hit to singal the coming of the champion... most people had left since the hot dogs were all gone, but three guys still remained!

Three guys: JIN’S-OUR-RIDE-HOME! *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*

Main Event, Grand Champion Of Intense Combat: Andy Cryst vs Jin Yagami Jr(c)

Jin and Andy locked up in the center of the ring, Andy getting a pair of hiptosses and a drop toehold, Jin recovering and getting a chop followed by a headlock takedown and chinlock. Andy would then be put in an armdrag followed by a keylock armbar, Andy bridging out and getting a back mount and a camel clutch. Jin got to the ropes and Andy pulled him up. Irish whip by Andy reversed, Jin getting a drop to hold and applying an STF, and Andy got to the ropes. Andy went for a kick to set up the “Six Six Stunner” but Jin caught it and used it for a dragon screw and a leg lock. Andy rolled out of it and hit a lariat, following up with a flying knee drop and a standing moonsault for a two count.

Jin would get a snapmare and chinlock neck, Andy getting to his feet and getting a go-behind, yelling “EVERYONE LOVES A SLINKY!” and hitting a German Suplex! He rolled over Jin back to his feet Super Delphin style, but Jin elbowed out and countered with a Blue Thunder Driver! One, two, kickout. Andy would hit the Six Six Stunner, but THE FIGHTING SPIRIT THAT SHINES LIKE A BEACON kicked in! Jin would duck a Hellfire Attack #666 and nail Andy with a lariat, and follow up with the Legendary Technique of Destiny (Lifting Sitout Pedigree) for the win!

ETF: THE GREATEST HERO RETAINS THE TITLE! WHAT A MATCH!

Andy and Jin would face each other and shake hands, then “From the Cradle to Enslave (Demon Version)” hit for the second time tonight as the leader of The Lost headed to the ring.

Mekhet: Yagami... with your defeating Mr. Cryst, I believe that would make me the rightful number one contender.

The commissioner took a microphone

ETF: Let TOUCHDOWN go and you’ll get your title match.

Mekhet: Out of the question, but how about instead... I let Slugger go...

He pointed to the lighting scaffold set up next to the second floor of the campus building, where Slugger is tied up by Nachtzehrer and WENDIGO

ETF: OKAY OKAY! Untie him and you got a deal... you’ll get him at our next show.

Mekhet: That is... acceptable.

Nachtzehrer frees Slugger, then THROWS HIM THROUGH THE WINDOW into the building!

ETF: HOLY SHIT! Overkill much?

Mekhet: Would you rather me have them let him go over the scaffold?

ETF: ...Point. Now, where is TOUCHDOWN and what have you done with him?

Mekhet: It is not time to reveal that now, Mr. Figurehead. But soon the stellar alignments will allow me to do what has been foretold... and then all shall become clear to you.

ETF: Fine. I have one more title match to book too... Baldwin Brothers, you three will face off against Team Moon Gas 200Y for the Triple Play titles! Until then folks, good night, and I hope you don’t get indigestion from eating too many overcooked hot dogs.